Ask HN: How to speak like a leader, not like an engineer?

I have seen this in my own example.

I usually would say "To run website for customer X, we have to setup separate database server because their requirement is not having multi tenancy".

What I found out, it is something you can communicate to fellow engineer when all tasks are signed off. It is technically correct, and I did not understood why it would not be valid statement.

When you are in meeting with higher ups planning roll out for that customer, there is no "we have to". There are only options and maybe that customer was just shooting from the hip with those requirements and if we tell him what the price is we won't have that customer or he will reduce his wish list. So it would be "To run website for customer X, one option is setup new server but it will be 100$ a month and one person working on it for 2-4 days to have configuration working and tested".

Setting up separate server is not interesting part for business. Setting up server for me is interesting part because I have to put it in the context of our infrastructure, what rights should be assigned to that server, what packages I need to install on it.

+1. Due to the small size of our company, my role still is somewhere between lead engineer and a pure managing position, but it‘s enough of the management schedule that I can no longer be a reliable partner for working on the core product. So I try to automate/optimize internal workflows with my coding skills, i.e., I build tools that improve things if they exist but do not break or block things if they‘re delayed due to too many meetings creeping in.

As someone who has to continually push back against people who have the "one good way to do it", I'd prefer everything was presented as options.

People make these statements in front of customers and then we have to dance around it to the next option. It takes a hint of introspection to know when you might not have all the bases covered in your head before pushing things out of your mouth.

Saying something is an option at least can be interpreted as not being fully sure at this second, whereas saying "we have to do this" and being wrong just makes you look incompetent as a representative of my team.

Agreed.

> Avoid picking favorite solutions and presenting them as the clear winner or only option.

That depends how stupid the management is. I remember when an ex-colleague of mine was designing a big complex thing (a mixed signal ASIC, if you care). He was a mere engineer. All the big decisions had to have management approval. But the management didn't understand much about how the complex thing worked. He tried the, "we must do this and that" approach, without success. He eventually figured out that he needed to present options. But it didn't seem to matter if all but one of the options were stupid. As long as there was a graph showing one option being better than the others, then the management could chose the option with the big score and feel like they were in control.

Moral - Figuring out how to control your boss is a good strategy but probably only works if you are cleverer than they are. I prefer having a boss who is clever than me and when I say, "we must do this", they explain why that's a stupid idea.

I'm currently a happy member.

I'm getting a lot of value by voluntarily exposing myself to talking and it has thus far made me more aware of the way I speak, the way my body reacts and that the stage fright is something that never really goes away, even for "experienced" speakers.

To get a feel for the structure, meetings are commonly comprised of three parts:

1) prepared speeches (these are members doing their assignments according to a specific course they're working towards),

2) table topics (impromptu speeches, also available for guests to participate),

3) evaluation and feedback.

Prepared speeches are the most visible thing and a way to progress towards the completion of a course.

Table topics are 1 to 2 minute speeches in reply a given situation, that can be a question, a picture, a situation or anything else. It's a practice for getting better at unexpected speaking opportunities and usually a way for a guest to see how valuable the feedback is and the existence of a real need to improve. They're moderated by topics master.

Big part of the meeting is evaluation and feedback, which is a thing that's rarely given in real life. Toastmasters make for a playground where you can practice giving feedback. There's several evaluation roles in a meeting: speech evaluator, timer, ah-counter, grammarian and general evaluator. I personally see most growth in the evaluation roles, as they can be quite difficult to master.

The event is held together by someone in the role of toastmaster, which opens, moderates and closes the event.

THEN AGAIN, similarly to the number of ice cream tastes, there's also a number of ways the Toastmasters meetings can be held. For someone who dreads public speaking, a critical feedback might kill off the willingness to speak entirely. Culture of acceptance can differ widely between clubs, so my advice would be to visit multiple clubs, if possible, to see which you find most fitting.

If you do decide to join, the Toastmasters membership fee is 90$ yearly + 20$ new members fee, which is usually not that big of a deal for any decent human in tech, but clubs might have higher fees to cover other expenses, eg. renting a room.