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Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

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Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#131

Post by marnett »

acali wrote: post #73
Rotdhizon wrote: post #9

I think a huge factor is the growing theme of social interaction being unacceptable. Back in the day you could walk up to and make friends with almost anyone, it wasn't weird to interact with strangers, thus making new acquaintances. Modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction, don't talk to people you don't know if you don't want to be ostracized. You could want to befriend someone in a crowd, but come up wi…

Does anyone else get the sense while some people will claim they desire more social interactions, the're also very quick to judge each action, looking for indications of in-authenticity or hints that they're dealing with someone nefarious.

All people have defense mechanisms that cause this. They judge the very things they wish they themselves had the courage to do. It's overwhelmingly natural and very hard to realize in the moment.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#132

Post by digi_owl »

godot wrote: post #36
Rotdhizon wrote: post #9

I think a huge factor is the growing theme of social interaction being unacceptable. Back in the day you could walk up to and make friends with almost anyone, it wasn't weird to interact with strangers, thus making new acquaintances. Modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction, don't talk to people you don't know if you don't want to be ostracized. You could want to befriend someone in a crowd, but come up wi…

I feel like these interactions go through phases of 1. Being ok and acceptable and even enjoyable at first; 2. People abuse it more and more; 3. Gradually turns into a negative experience in general; 4. The ordinary person will then avoid it and that becomes the norm. Taking your example of meeting people online. I was on the internet in the late 90s as a teenager and it was incredibly easy and fun to meet people on…

IRC in particular was great for this, as it was rooms not P2P, and quite often one could find quite local rooms. ICQ and IM in general ruined that, IMO, as it was more invite based.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#133

Post by buzzert »

I was listening to a podcast recently where this topic came up with regards to the social pastime of jury duty. A man was being interviewed who lived during a time before smartphones, and he retold that he really enjoyed going to jury duty because it was a chance for him to get to meet people in his city from all different backgrounds. There was a lot of waiting around, so people always talked to each other out of boredom.

Now, whenever you go to jury duty and there's a waiting period of some sort, everyone is of course on their smartphones. The reason for this isn't just for the fact that there might be more interesting things happening on the web than in the quiet courtroom, but instead it's because the smartphone generation can "hang out" with people exactly like them 24/7. To me it seems like a cold optimization of your social graph aided by technology. It does some wonders for loneliness (it's amazing that I can hang out with my friends anywhere in the world at any time and they all have the same interests as me), but it's also causing a lot of deep societal problems. Echo chambers, de-emphasis on local affairs, an ever-widening gap of political viewpoints, and a horrible "grass is always greener" psychological effect.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#134

Post by overcast »

dmortin wrote: post #71
overcast wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I use dating apps regularly when traveling for exactly that. You'd be surprised how willing people are to meetup without the pressure of dating/sex being involved. Fly into a city for work, meetup for fun, and make a new friend for next time.

Don't most people on dating apps actually look for dates, instead of just for some chat?

I think you'll find most people are sick of dating, and are completely open to something platonic. Maybe I'm just really, really, ridiculously good looking though.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#135

Post by toasterlovin »

wenc wrote: post #105
gwbas1c wrote: post #61

Honestly, I've never had problems talking to random strangers. Some of my best friends were random strangers at first. IMO, the problem has nothing to do with the internet. Instead, the problem has more to do with poorly controlling marketing and homelessness. Political correctness also takes a toll. When I lived in the Bay Area, most of the time I was randomly approached, "on the street," it was from a homeless pers…

> Honestly, I've never had problems talking to random strangers. Did you grow up in a culture that prized that ability? I've noticed that in the U.S. south, being able to make conversation was a point of pride. ("friendliness") But not so much on the east coast. East coasters tend to be more clammed up and introverted.

I'd guess this is mostly an urban/rural divide, though maybe there's a Northern/Southern divide as well. People who live in large cities have to put up with a bunch of bullshit on a daily basis. Panhandlers, crazy people, perverts, etc. Plus you tend not to get to know your neighbors too well.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#136

Post by tux1968 »

irrational wrote: post #125
ryandrake wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think we can learn a lot from kids in this area. My six year old is so much more open and tolerant than I. Her thought process: “you look like my age, let’s play and be friends!” And now the parents are arranging playtime next week. Just like that! We adults could learn a lot from that outlook.

I've tried going up to women that look my age and asking if they want to play or arrange a playtime, but they keep turning me down :-(

You made the mistake of not being George Clooney.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#137

Post by dunpeal »

randcraw wrote: post #114
dunpeal wrote: post #79

> Few providers have focused on the loneliest population: 18- to 22-year-olds. While typically a low-risk population, young adults experience rates of loneliness and social isolation far higher than any other age group according to Cigna's recent survey. How is that the case? 18-to-22 seems like the easiest stage of adult life to make and keep friends. These are the youngest adults. They go out regularly, meet each o…

You probably don't know them, but single/divorced retirees are probably the loneliest folks. With no workplace to provide daily social exchange, unless they belong to a church, meeting others in a social setting becomes a huge challenge for seniors today. It's little wonder that the long venerated "joys of being retired" are undergoing a major rethink these days.

Oh, yeah, I absolutely agree. Generally, as I become familiar with older populations, the general rule seems has been that the older people get, the harder it is for them to break out of the shell of loneliness.

When I left college and started meeting young professionals, they seemed far more lonely than college students. Then when I started meeting older people in their 30s, they seemed lonelier still. Now the loneliest people I know are singles in their 40s.

The only exception seems to be that often people in their 30s get married, and then they typically seem less lonely, at least while the marriage is working.

For singles, though, there seems to be simple linear correlation between age and loneliness. So I'm sure when I get to know people in their 50s and 60s, they'll be even lonelier than the 40 year old singles I know now.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#138

Post by claydavisss »

Another sad downside to people fetishizing work...and the wealth that apparently results.

Right now people are just alone and grumbling, but give it another ten years and you will see this morph into alcoholism and/or drug abuse. Only a very few will be happy in a society where every interaction is a dick-measuring contest or chance to argue.

It's not too late to move to a hick town, find a spouse, pop out some kids and go to church/temple/mosque (no one gives a shit if you actually believe, it's about being around your neighbors). You will probably end up doing just as well financially as tech workers in SF who are doomed to be lifelong renters. You will definitely be happier.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#139

Post by untog »

saudioger wrote: post #104
untog wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

IMO it would ideally be separate from any dating app. Not just because of profile overlap, but also because as a married man I really don't want Bumble to be on the home screen of my phone. No matter how innocent my use of it, I wouldn't want anyone to see it on my phone and get a bad impression of me as a result.

Bury it in a folder, talk to your spouse about what you're doing with it ahead of time. Don't use it around other people if you're worried about someone you know being a dick about it.

Surely all of those things indicate a recognition that I'm doing something I should be ashamed of and be hiding? I'd say it indicates a market for someone to make an entirely separate app (or for Bumble to do so).

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#140

Post by untog »

magduf wrote: post #89
untog wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But it isn't a friend-finding app. It's a dating app that happens to have a friend-finding feature (that until now I had no idea existed). People's perceptions follow on from that. My wife would have no problem with it. But what if one of her friends saw me on the bus with Bumble open on my phone? If she spoke to my wife she'd be able to clear up the confusion. But what if she didn't? What if there ended up being a p…

So what if there's a rumor? Why do you care what people say about you? If people talk badly about you like that, then maybe you shouldn't socialize with them. It sounds like you socialize with some petty, small-minded, nosy people if you're really that worried about this. I don't know about you, but I don't show random acquaintances all the apps on my phone. Also, if someone saw you with Bumble BFF in a public place,…

Rumour and gossip happen everywhere, all the time. It's deluded to think otherwise. And friendship groups aren't a series of 1:1 connections, I don't choose who my friend's friends are, nor do I choose my coworkers (who could absolutely make a personal judgement about me based on what they see). This is how socialization works. Anyone is welcome to opt out, but it's not a particularly smart way to try and make friends.

It's kind of funny that in a thread that's ostensibly about making new friends your advice has turned to how to choose which friends to discard.

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