I am depressed and I need someone to talk to

I'm so glad you decided to reach out - that is very brave even when done anonymously because you don't know what the response will be. I'm particularly impressed at this choice because of your childhood abuse making it so much harder to trust other human beings. I have also had extensive childhood abuse (neglect, emotional, physical, sexual) and have been diagnosed with severe PTSD. This includes depression, anxiety, and a lot of unhealthy behaviors that are hard to change. I've made a lot of progress over the last year (after many years of suffering silently) so I have hope for you too.

I am speaking to the abuse piece because very few people have talked about that (perhaps even more of a taboo subject than depression). Lots of great advice here (mixed in with a few who don't get the difficulty you face). My best advice is (1) never give up - if you keep trying different things, eventually you will find the right combination of things that work for you. (2) don't blame yourself for where you are at - horrible people / situations completely beyond your control brought you to this point in your life. And good news, you are an adult now, and there are actually helpful caring loving people who can help you heal. It is really good news that you survived and found a way to be successful against all odds. You are stronger than you think you are. You can make decisions now to help yourself even though as a child you could not. There is hope for change because you have lots of resources (including many offered here and within yourself) to change your circumstances. I know you are on a long hard road - just as I am. But, healing is possible for you.

I have quite an extensive list of things I've tried and am a really good listener so I'll send you an email in case you want to talk.

Two things to mention: find another therapist who perhaps does another kind of therapy all together (instead of CBT - which is probably what you are doing), try insight oriented, DBT, brainspotting (my favorite - similar to EMDR), meditation, body work, trauma exposure therapy). Be bold and ask your therapist for a change and a recommendation. Most professionals understand that they can't help anyone and can point you in the right direction for a different approach.

Secondly, keep reaching out even when it seems impossibly hard because of the depression. Isolation is your enemy. Find people who will understand and support you. Seriously consider a support group in your area. Meeting face to face confidentially with other people suffering like you can be the most uplifting experience (way more heart warming than talking to a therapist).

Everyone is different just keep trying different things until you find what works for you. No one should be telling you that this one thing is guaranteed to solve your problems - you get to tell yourself what helps and what doesn't.

I have to say, I think asking someone as deeply depressed as the OP to find the perspective to hear the stories of struggle amid the trumpeting of success is asking an awful lot. That's tough for anyone to do, never mind someone who is struggling from a severe lack of perspective in the first place.

There's a lot I agree with in what you wrote, and some that I disagree with as well. Personally, I'm fairly certain that I understand the truth that underlies all existence. This truth can be expressed in a statement that embraces and extends the truths in all other worldviews, and perhaps extinguishes them as well: Until proven otherwise, this is all one big joke. The only way to lose is by allowing the Universe to troll you by taking it too seriously.

The best medicine for depression is to imagine you were not depressed, think of what you would do, then do it. Even if it doesn't feel quite right, keep moving.

It is not always easy, but it is always the best way to move forward. Depression is a dangerous cycle. Therapy can be helpful, but it can also be debilitating by causing you to identify with your depression. The best thing a therapist can do is to push you to follow the advise above.

I think you are misreading the intent of my post. I was very clear about the fact that only a professional can help him. The extended questionnaire is rethorical. It is there to highlight the fact that a lot needs to be known before anyone can truly help him. I'm not sure where I told him to go have kids. I simply listed a few things that are known to be effective in changing one's focus away from potentially dark places.

With regards to seeing a new therapist. If this were my own son I'd take him to two or three. Just like there are lousy engineers there are lousy doctors. You never know.