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Overcoming the friendship recession

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Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#121

Post by aa-jv »

I started a "mans group" - just a bunch of my local male friends in the neighborhood, doing 'man things' - actually there's no need to pitch it this way, we're just all men and so far thats how we describe ourselves, but it'll change the instant we get some diversity.

We take care of each other, meet every week to shoot the shit and do stuff. So far the group has caught pinball fever (we even have members of the group doing tournaments now), we have movie nights where some of us recommend strange and obscure movies for everyone to enjoy - this has been very successful in terms of lifting everyones spirits - and we have jam sessions, woodworking sessions, table tennis and other racquet-based game events, and so on.

It just snowballed organically. I was in a bar with a mate deliberating on whether there was anything else we could be doing except getting drunk in shady bars, and I noticed a pinball sticker. So we looked into that, caught the pinball fever, and things snowballed. Soon enough, there are 8 of us attending the regular pinball sessions in our city .. and in so doing, we've established some great bonds between us.

Its now at the point where if anyone of us needs something, we just ping the group chat and within minutes there is usually a show of helpful hands.

Wouldn't have happened if we hadn't discovered an activity that united us all, brought us together, and gave us the group context to add many other fun activities to the list.

We even have our own (cult-like) language and slang for things, its kinda funny to observe it evolve over the last 6 months .. and also to see new members adopt our strange language for things. Really amusing!

Try it, its a great way to make friends.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#122

Post by m_fayer »

sph wrote: post #45
Zealotux wrote: post #25

I live in Barcelona, and during last year’s blackout I wandered through the city. As I passed by the Baix Guinardó gardens, I came across something that felt like a "A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte" brought to life: the park was full of families socialising the old way, children running everywhere, the whole place buzzing with chatter and energy. Later that day, walking home through darkened stree…

Have you ever seen those videos filming London streets in the 1970s? They are absolutely packed with groups of two or three people, not going places, but just standing there, chatting, as if they have nowhere else to be. It is something most of us have never experienced in any form and the change has happened over long enough timescales that we are used to our streets of strangers just going about their lives, the ex…

I think an undersung and underquantified factor here is how much less time people have. For reasons psychological and socioeconomic, across class lines, it seems we all have a mental calendar and todo list in our heads now, a tyrant that will always point out that aimless chatter is not appropriate, lest we fall even further behind.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#123

Post by simianwords »

unixhero wrote: post #116
momentary wrote: post #97

I'm surprised that this article that has so much of an AI smell gets such a positive reception. I thought HN didn't go in for AI slop? I suspect that this kind of thing has people feeling more alienated than ever, what with even the articles online lacking any level of human connection.

I for one am here to talk about how to get friends. I didn't read the article. The comments is the content.

https://simianwords.bearblog.dev/it-doesnt-matter-if-the-pos...

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#124

Post by drzaiusx11 »

righthand wrote: post #15
drzaiusx11 wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Spam phone calls have become so horrendously common here in the US (multiple a day) that I just keep my mobile on do not disturb 24/7 with exceptions for those in my core contact group. Maybe I'll miss a call or two that actually had substance, but I'd rather be slightly more isolated than constantly annoyed. Find me on various online platforms with text chat, voice or video if you really want to reach me. Or don't.

Ridiculous how that ticked up in frequency (at least for me) after the last Potus election.

Bill 936 which would have required 1:1 expressly written consent to call was struck down in the 11th circuit court of appeals right before it was set to go into effect in Jan 2025 [1].

Trump flipped the 11th circuit by making a number of judge appointments in Jan 2020 [2]. As you correctly guessed, these two things are not unrelated.

1. https://www.consumerfinancialserviceslawmonitor.com/2025/09/...

2. https://www.wiley.law/newsletter-Trump-Flips-Eleventh-Circui...

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#125

Post by intended »

metalliqaz wrote: post #53

I have thought alot about making friends and why it's so hard. I keep coming back to the same question. In myself I find I can't seem to muster the motivation to spend enough time with someone that it would take to form a friendship. I want to have friends, but I don't care to know any of these people. I just don't like anyone that much. The question is, am I just inherently a cynical asshole? Or, has modern life don…

I’ve made better friends later in life than I did earlier.

I think the thing is to have fun first. If people aren’t on the same wavelengths it’s ok. It’s also good to have a fun thing to do which does involve other people or even a competitive scene.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#126

Post by 63stack »

johnnyanmac wrote: post #75
righthand wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nah, just call them randomly and leave a message. I’m not going to have a whole social protocol for sending a phone call. If they don’t answer or call back it’s a lost cause communicating with them. I once dated someone who “didn’t just leave the house for any old outing” and it became exhausting trying to figure out the protocol for what qualified as a worthwhile outing. It was easier to just dump the person instead…

>If they don’t answer or call back it’s a lost cause communicating with them. I mean, people are busy and schedules don't always align. Seems like the onus is on you if you expect another friend to answer whenever you feel like calling. Even with my parents we will check with each other via text before we call (being on a time zone difference doesn't help)

If the schedules align they will pick up, if not they will see the missed call and call back when they have time.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#127

Post by pino83 »

garciansmith wrote: post #103
pino83 wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, quite often I think this way but resist to say so. This time it's even more obvious, though: They all know that I'm right. Everybody knows. That's not the point why they downvote.

Or perhaps people down voted because absolute statements on social relationships are often not absolute at all. Or maybe they even have a personal experience that is contrary to your statement. I say this as a childless person whose closest friend has a child and a significant other whose two closest friends have children. And yes, I would describe all those friendships as deep.

Yes, let's agree it all depends on the definition of a deep friendship, I'd say.

If your definition includes regularly spending time together with your friend, not as appendix to her/his family, but with activities that connect you and your friend (e.g. with activities that you had before). With your friend focus on you then, instead of constantly being involved in other things. Ideally without the constant need to plan it months in advance.

As far as I've seen it, parents are usually far away from that. In terms of possibility, and also in terms of mindset. At some point in time, they seem to completely lose the understanding of what all these words could even mean.

It might work better if you have a more abstract or otherwise different definition. Yes.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#128

Post by rendaw »

sph wrote: post #45
Zealotux wrote: post #25

I live in Barcelona, and during last year’s blackout I wandered through the city. As I passed by the Baix Guinardó gardens, I came across something that felt like a "A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte" brought to life: the park was full of families socialising the old way, children running everywhere, the whole place buzzing with chatter and energy. Later that day, walking home through darkened stree…

Have you ever seen those videos filming London streets in the 1970s? They are absolutely packed with groups of two or three people, not going places, but just standing there, chatting, as if they have nowhere else to be. It is something most of us have never experienced in any form and the change has happened over long enough timescales that we are used to our streets of strangers just going about their lives, the ex…

Were streets the real 3rd places?

I always wondered how commoners (?) could afford to go to a pub every day to socialize, or if it was cheap, how the pubs could survive with a bunch of people who were just hanging out day after day.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#129

Post by cindyllm »

righthand wrote: post #109
johnnyanmac wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>If they don’t answer or call back it’s a lost cause communicating with them. I mean, people are busy and schedules don't always align. Seems like the onus is on you if you expect another friend to answer whenever you feel like calling. Even with my parents we will check with each other via text before we call (being on a time zone difference doesn't help)

Then call them again! It doesn’t have to be a one time lottery.

[dead]

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#130

Post by tonyedgecombe »

rendaw wrote: post #128
sph wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you ever seen those videos filming London streets in the 1970s? They are absolutely packed with groups of two or three people, not going places, but just standing there, chatting, as if they have nowhere else to be. It is something most of us have never experienced in any form and the change has happened over long enough timescales that we are used to our streets of strangers just going about their lives, the ex…

Were streets the real 3rd places? I always wondered how commoners (?) could afford to go to a pub every day to socialize, or if it was cheap, how the pubs could survive with a bunch of people who were just hanging out day after day.

Wages were much lower. As were property prices. Legislative demands were also simpler.
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