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The year I didn't survive
121–130 of 276 posts
Re: The year I didn't survive
#122> And in the darkest hours, of which there are many, I try to remind myself that I didn’t know what happiness looked like before I had it the first time, either.
I'm sorry to deflate the mood, but holy damn, that is one banger of a line. So much said so briefly.
Re: The year I didn't survive
#123My son had cancer during COVID, though he was fortunate enough to beat it into remission (with the help of a huge care team). I was active duty military, and he is also non-verbal and autistic. The things she talks about, how focused she was and how hard it is to do any of that now, I've been experiencing exactly the same things. I find it hard to do anything, put anything together, etc. after 3 years of managing his…
COVID coincided with my daughter being born, my parents dying unexpectedly and my partner having complete mental breakdown all while I was working a very stressful job with long hours and high stakes. Years have passed and I still feel like the battered husk of the person I was. I have good days and bad days but I'm slowly coming to accept I won't ever feel the confidence, the capability or the boundless reserves of…
Similar here. Covid happened, lost my relationship of 15 years, had a total mental breakdown, lost my job, lost 20Kg, substance abuse, spent all my savings, struggle to pay bills. Lost my dad 2 months ago. Unemployed for a year now. I'll never be able to get back to where I was professionally. Feel dumb, confused and my memory sucks. Three shitty ass years. Medicated.
Slowly starting to see some light. My two young kids get me through this, they are with me every other week and give purpose to my life, they are best thing ever.
I hear you too. Don't be scared to ask for professional help. Meds can make a difference.
Seeing people's testimonials made me feel better so I thought I'd post mine.
Re: The year I didn't survive
#124Oh man, I’m really sorry to see Jake passed. I read their updates every few months when they’d land on HN; it made me sad to see the past tense of “dying” this time. Rest in peace
The death announcement FWIW: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=41201555>
Re: The year I didn't survive
#125I lost my father when I was 13. I never had a really good relationship to my mother. After 2 years of grieving, she directly went into a subtle type of depression. She basically soaked me in her negativity until I was finally able to move out. We have a very bad relationship these days, mostly because she is still unable to fathom how much pain she caused me in the 4 years I had to stay with her. Whatever it is you a…
It's critically important to note that whilst some people have loving families and strong relationships, many don't. Along with all else, this generally makes dealing with loss both harder (fewer support options) and increasingly conflicted (grief but also often some measure of relief). Not to mention the awkwardness of customary expressions of grief or compassion, whether rituals or specific words and phrases.
I'm sorry for what you've gone through but appreciate your sharing it.
Re: The year I didn't survive
#126Earlier quoted context omitted.
I was reflecting just yesterday how, as we get older, gradually more and more of those who have been part of our sphere for significant portions of our lives (whether direct acquaintances, or just people who we know because of their public actions) begin to leave us, and how everyone who passes, whoever they are and however well we knew them, leaves a space that can't be filled. I'm truly sorry for all that you've be…
Yes, one of the things that often gets overlooked about aging is that if you live long enough everyone you knew, and knew you, from certain eras of your life are gone... and that tends to make your life more ephemeral. Even the settings of your life are slowly removed, be it the house you grew up in, schools you attended, parks and other areas you played in with friends, businesses, styles, products, and technologies…
As a youngest child by about 15 years it kinda hurts knowing that likely I'll be the one attending everyone else's funerals.
Re: The year I didn't survive
#127Earlier quoted context omitted.
Do you think it's important for your child to have a relationship his mother, if that makes any sense at all? Like do you celebrate her birthday etc. How do you retain that connection, or do you just leave it in the past?
To your first question, I don’t know. We do celebrate her birthday, light a candle whenever we walk past a church / go into a temple etc. If I’m brutally honest I think it’s more for my own sake than his. To retain the connection, we look at photos together every week and I tell him stories about her, and their relationship. I spoke to him just now, and he says that he misses her but is unable to articulate how. Perh…
Did you decide to date again? Do you think having a mother figure for your child is important for them?
Re: The year I didn't survive
#128Earlier quoted context omitted.
Shit is this everybody? I feel like I'm constantly mourning who I used to be, like it was a different person entirely and there's no getting that level of empathy or patience back again.
I think economic factors and the health of society at large are one of the largest parts of this. I'm young and didn't get to grow up in an innocent time, and anyone older than me seems worse off. The only way I think I can make things work is to make drastic life choices like relocation, and live pretty alternative lifestyles like off grid for economic security. I'm always wondering where the interesting people went…
I believe you are right about the larger factors shaping the individual experience.
And since you mention that you are young, just to let you know: when "celebrating" the latest new years eve, all guests present (40 to 50yo) agreed that the main source of hope for the near future was the early disillusionment of younger generations. More power to you! :)
Re: The year I didn't survive
#129Very sad. In case you didn't open the link yet, this is from the widow of Jake Seliger, who was very active on HN: https://news.ycombinator.com/threads?id=jseliger . He died a few months ago. Grieving while being a new mom must be brutal.
> Grieving while being a new mom must be brutal. As always, yes and no. I'm a single father, my partner died when our daughter was 1.5 years old. A baby requires constant attention and care, so I didn't quite have the option of falling into some kind of depression and just doing nothing. That said, I quite miss the abundant free time I used to have in my other life. Nowadays is constant battle about the littlest thin…
> I pour the milk the wrong way and get screamed at for 15 minutes.
All too familiar.
Occasionally I stop to think what would I do if my SO passed away suddenly. I've found that it's easier to think about my own death than this.
Anyway, I hope you'll get some much needed downtime eventually.
Re: The year I didn't survive
#130When I look in the mirror now, I notice all the places where my body reveals what I’ve been through. And I wonder, in a way that I wouldn’t if Jake were still alive, how this new body appears to others who don’t view it through a lens of love. At 20 I fell hard for a 35yo. We also became close friends and my pursuit of her was almost separate and apart. After a very long time I conceded; I met other people and eventu…
Give her a call. Your lifetime isn't over yet! She may be open to your love now, and likely would at least want to revive your friendship.