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My Time Working at Stripe

jondlm.github.io

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Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#121

Post by replwoacause »

fnordpiglet wrote: post #30

These symptoms are a classic sign of burn out. One thing I notice in your writing is you’re very tied up in things having meaning and mattering in some specific way. This itself can lead to burnout because if everything must matter you must be emotionally invested in everything. But you can care without it mattering to you. You can do a good job without being totally invested in everything about it. You can love what…

Very insightful comment and it describes quite accurately what my experience with burnout has been. Thank you

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#122

Post by DJHenk »

wkjagt wrote: post #87
Tainnor wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Well, the manager asked only for “10% more vulnerable”. And they have absolutely no right to do that. "Being vulnerable" is not part of any job description.

That's why they said "if you're comfortable". It was totally optional. I don't understand your strong reaction to this.

Because you cannot freely say no to that. They have authority over you. Even if they promise it won't affect their opinion of you, you never know if that is actually true. So you are forced to play along.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#123

Post by thunky »

Imustaskforhelp wrote: post #101
TrainedMonkey wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Some things are best kept between your close trusted friends and family or therapist, no matter how trendy the culture is about being “open”. This makes total sense if you have a therapist and / or have friends you can be vulnerable with (and know how to). But there are undoubtedly those who do not have that. For them the risk of career sabotage vs a change of improved quality of life might be worth considering. I…

I also agree with this sentiment but at the same time I think it boils down to how you interpret these things , for op it was one of the greatest things but to somebody else , this makes boss not likeable. I think this shows that the boss was going out of his way which I "personally" appreciate. I don't know what people expect managers / boss to do. Somebody on team expects their boss to X and somebody else on that s…

> I don't know what people expect managers / boss to do

What they do should be related to the company work, otherwise they're overstepping. They're not social workers. They have to respect the privacy and independence of their coworkers.

> If I ever become a manager , I am probably taking this boss's approach

Please don't. Coworkers can obviously have social relationships but they should grow organically without being "managed".

You know the best way for that to happen is? Let them work together. They'll build their own relationships. They don't need your help. If they don't work together enough for this to happen naturally then they're strangers to each other anyway and that's ok too.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#124

Post by Nashooo »

kroolik wrote: post #108
wkjagt wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Post: "If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable" This comment: "I'd rather not have my manager forcing me to do group therapy." How did "if you’re comfortable" become "forcing me", and "try and be 10% more vulnerable" become "group therapy"?

Its not difficult to imagine a person saying 'i have nothing i want to share here' be stigmatised in future. As a person who doesnt want to work together and be part of the company culture.

It's also not difficult to imagine the opposite? Feels a bit like a strawman fallacy.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#125

Post by pavel_lishin »

DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

We had a team building exercise, that I wasn't able to attend. The person running it decided that a great ice-breaker would be for everyone to name their greatest fear.

I'm a parent. You can probably pretty easily infer what my greatest fear is.

Would I share that? Fuck no! Not only am I not particularly willing to get that intimate with a bunch of strangers, I also don't want to be a huge fucking downer. What I do want is to recognize that while you can speed-run friendship & bonding to some degree, it's fucking inappropriate to try to do so at work. It's work. I'll make friends if I make friends, but otherwise I'm out at 5, physically, mentally and emotionally.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#126

Post by HPsquared »

baxtr wrote: post #112
wkjagt wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Post: "If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable" This comment: "I'd rather not have my manager forcing me to do group therapy." How did "if you’re comfortable" become "forcing me", and "try and be 10% more vulnerable" become "group therapy"?

The thing is - and the post actually showcases this - that "10% more vulnerable" is super abstract. What does that even mean? Seems like it triggers people to share very deep stuff.

The difference between "0-10%" and "10-11%"

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#127

Post by Nashooo »

cpursley wrote: post #45
DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

It’s pretty nuts, putting out your dirty laundry in public is a surefire way to self sabotage - especially in a work setting. In American culture, there’s a lot of “positive self help” talk about being open about these things. But the reality is - it actually just provides drama and ammunition to people who might not have your best interests at heart. Some things are best kept between your close trusted friends and f…

In what way is this ever providing someone with 'ammunition' and how is this self-sabotage? What are you afraid someone would do with this kind of information?

Reading this comment and others feels like people have read a bit too much Sun Tzu and are treating what could be collegiality as warfare.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#128

Post by dymk »

Imustaskforhelp wrote: post #101
TrainedMonkey wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Some things are best kept between your close trusted friends and family or therapist, no matter how trendy the culture is about being “open”. This makes total sense if you have a therapist and / or have friends you can be vulnerable with (and know how to). But there are undoubtedly those who do not have that. For them the risk of career sabotage vs a change of improved quality of life might be worth considering. I…

I also agree with this sentiment but at the same time I think it boils down to how you interpret these things , for op it was one of the greatest things but to somebody else , this makes boss not likeable. I think this shows that the boss was going out of his way which I "personally" appreciate. I don't know what people expect managers / boss to do. Somebody on team expects their boss to X and somebody else on that s…

If you were my boss and did this I'd be going to my skip manager to complain.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#129

Post by Tainnor »

fragmede wrote: post #100
Tainnor wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Well, the manager asked only for “10% more vulnerable”. And they have absolutely no right to do that. "Being vulnerable" is not part of any job description.

You are not your code, but putting my code up to be torn apart in a PR definitely feels like being vulnerable to me. It's a good thing for it to be torn apart and scrutinized, so as to make the product better, which is what we're all after, but it still touches a nerve when the reviewer is an ass about it.

This is definitely not what anyone would think of when prompted to "be vulnerable".

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#130

Post by Tainnor »

wkjagt wrote: post #87
Tainnor wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Well, the manager asked only for “10% more vulnerable”. And they have absolutely no right to do that. "Being vulnerable" is not part of any job description.

That's why they said "if you're comfortable". It was totally optional. I don't understand your strong reaction to this.

"Are you planning to have children? You don't have to answer"
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