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Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

theatlantic.com

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Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#121

Post by maerF0x0 »

ryandrake wrote: post #110
maerF0x0 wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even as early as 2015 I was often shocked how few people entertained or wanted to do potlucks. I soon learned why, at least in my circles the lack of effort was mind blowing. Most people balked at the idea of chipping in to buy food, and so when I'd try a potluck everyone would aim at bringing something fully prepared like "Chips and Salsa" (and like 5 people would bring that). I finally gave up trying to entertain f…

I think a lot of people simply don’t know how to cook or are so bad at it that they’d be embarrassed. I’ve seen HN commenters admit they eat in restaurants for all their meals. Heck in my early 20s I couldn’t even cook myself eggs or spaghetti.

That's an interesting take. Perhaps that was it. Sometimes I forget that I'm pretty self-solving for these kinds of things. (youtube a few recipes, run with it)... People often ask me "How did you learn to do that?" I'm like "I watched 4 youtube videos, got a couple of things from the store, and hoped for the best?"

Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#122

Post by gilbetron »

I think it is a multi-dimensional, complex problem, and different people are experiencing different effects.

However, one thing I've noticed about myself is that I don't seem to get as much out of social events. I'm in my 50s, so I've had lots of experience pre-cellphone and pre-internet, and I like seeing people and think we can be more isolationist, the issue is that when I do get together with people, it just isn't that much fun for the most part. I like it, but I don't have a strong desire to keep doing it.

I do tabletop RPGs once a week, and that's fun because there is a focus I like. But getting together for other social events is just kinda mid. And others feel the same way. For better or worse, there are many other intense, engaging, fun, interesting things I can be doing that tailor to my personal tastes. So getting together with some people to just chat or play some random game like we used to is a nice thing now and then, it is too dull to attract me to do it very often.

I can see it in my 15 year old son, too. He sometimes craves hanging out with his buddies laughing and having fun, but he also really likes doing the activities he really enjoys, even solo. Ideally, he'd have a fun group that likes to banter just like him, doing the exact activity that he enjoys, but that is really difficult to find.

I guess, to me, it looks more like we all have very niche activities we really enjoy and fit our personalities really well, but the overlap of all these activities results in a small population. So you have the choice of really enjoying yourself and being alone, or being mildly engaged but doing so with a group of people.

I think the ones most happy are those whose interests align with what a lot of people like to do, which is why sports is so strong these days.

Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#123

Post by aworks »

hnthroaway992 wrote: post #62

Perhaps it's just the way the algorithm on these sites skew but it does strike me a little odd that there's often articles landing in my feeds lamenting about social connection. Why is there not as much promotion of ways of finding happiness in solitude? It would seem at least as much a solution as any this issue of distressed caused by loneliness.

I'm reading an old book, Fifty Days of Solitude, where the author grapples with her emotions when mostly alone for awhile. It's surprisingly complicated.

Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#124

Post by underlipton »

keiferski wrote: post #92

Is anyone else bothered that the cutting edge of consumer tech seems to be focused entirely on escaping the real world, not making it better? As an example, consider how we treat it as totally normal that the big companies are focused on VR, gaming, and other individual activities that require you to shut off the world and focus on their devices. This is just…to be expected. And the idea of an Apple device that bring…

The most popular VR platform at the moment is VRChat, which is almost exclusively about getting together with people and hanging out. In this case, the application removes barriers to interpersonal connection (physical distance, body image-related self-consciousness, disability, etc.).

For the ways in which VR and other technologies separate people, it's because the people building that technology (an exclusive club, to be sure) make certain assumptions about what it's good for. Their primary goal is to siphon money and attention out of users, and the idea of preferring to using such technology to connect with people over in-person socializing and networking is anathema to them. So that's where we're at. Those people have to make space (or not be so filthy rich that they take up all the space) for the people who actually want to use this tech for deepening real-world experiences and meaning rather than dislocating from them.

It would be a battle, obviously. Think of all of the virtual things stood up during the pandemic, that people made meaningful connections through, that our oh-so-extraverted elite dismantled the moment mask mandates ended. That was a conscious decision.

Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#125

Post by korse »

Keeeeeeeks wrote: post #86
timeagain wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All these “we” statements should be “me” statements. So many people are ready to take what they’re given, but you can opt out. Find in-person work. Throw out your phone. Live close to your friends. Drop in on your neighbors. Become a regular at the gym. Become a regular at the bar. Talk to people on the bus. Notice which flowers bloom in what order in the spring. If all you seek is comfort you’ll find it as you sit a…

> All these “we” statements should be “me” statements. And all of your sentences ought to have "I think that" at the beginning; while reading OPs message as a sign of victimhood instead of a statement of fact gives you the opportunity to sharpen your sense of self against it, it gives the appearance of signaling more than it gives actionable advice. otoh, if the former was your goal, I misread intent.

>If all you seek is comfort you’ll find it as you sit alone eating take out in a fully furnished apartment waiting to die. If what you want is community and to be present in the only life you have, you have to work hard to find it and maintain it.

Hard to argue with the last line though. Many people become victims of society through their own inaction.

Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#127

Post by keiferski »

underlipton wrote: post #124
keiferski wrote: post #92

Is anyone else bothered that the cutting edge of consumer tech seems to be focused entirely on escaping the real world, not making it better? As an example, consider how we treat it as totally normal that the big companies are focused on VR, gaming, and other individual activities that require you to shut off the world and focus on their devices. This is just…to be expected. And the idea of an Apple device that bring…

The most popular VR platform at the moment is VRChat, which is almost exclusively about getting together with people and hanging out. In this case, the application removes barriers to interpersonal connection (physical distance, body image-related self-consciousness, disability, etc.). For the ways in which VR and other technologies separate people, it's because the people building that technology (an exclusive club,…

I don't think chatting to someone in a VR program is equivalent to interpersonal connection. And I say that as someone who spent a good part of my childhood playing Everquest.

It's not reality, no matter how much people seem to think it is. VR is better described as ER: ersatz reality.

Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#128

Post by jbm »

ryandrake wrote: post #111
jbm wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>> If a study doesn't pass the smell test, is not easily reproducible, and I have no personally trusted people who can vouch for the findings, then - yes - my feelings matter more. > Are you fucking stupid? They’re doing just that, but in the opposite direction I don't think you read what I wrote in any attempt to understand. The argument is that a person can value their own experiences more than data, and not that t…

Yes, studies and data could be wrong. But they should be countered with “better studies and data” not with smell checks and gut feelings.

I get that gut checks and feelings are what climate denialists use, and I'm aware of the inaccuracy involved. Still, it's literally all you have, unless you are going to create that "Journal of Uninteresting Results / Journal of Failed Experiments" and have it become the basis for people to keep their jobs in University.

If you want to be an open pipe to "data", that's your prerogative.

Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#129

Post by kredd »

Extremely noticeable in my age groups (late 20s/early 30s). That being said, I’ve realized the best thing you can do is to live very close (10-15 minute walk) away from your friends. I basically have a date night with a friend at the same bar we’ve been going for the past 4 years. Takes a minute to call and organize with “hey, dinner at 8?”, and we meet at the spot 10 minutes later. Sometimes it doesn’t pan out, but both of us are actively trying to.

I’m also a part of a 6-people friend group who live in the same neighbourhood, who tends to hang out twice a week at least. It removes the “distance” friction, where you have to drive, uber or whatsoever.

With my other friends though, inflation, lack of cheap things to do, time and etc. is always an issue. I’ve realized once they live a certain distance away, you have to schedule hangs days in advance. That’s cool, I get everyone is busy, but spontaneity of some meet ups makes them so much better.

Re: Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out

#130

Post by lotsofpulp »

infotainment wrote: post #60

This feels like the "be careful what you wish for" consequence of WFH logic. Yes, you can never leave your house and do everything via Zoom! After all, why commute to a pointless office when you could be at home meeting people online? If you start thinking this way, suddenly most interactions that can be done from home start to seem like a waste of time. The question I always ask WFH advocates is this: when was the l…

>when was the last time you had a meaningful in-person interaction with someone outside of your household?

I would rephrase this to "when was the last time you put effort into having a meaningful in-person interaction with someone outside of your household?"

Make some extra food and give it to some neighbors, see who reciprocates, etc. It takes a decent amount of work and sacrifice, and what I see is most people not wanting to do it.

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