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The dating app paradox

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Re: The dating app paradox

#121

Post by hombre_fatal »

shimonabi wrote: post #84

I'll never install Tinder again. 6 years ago you could actually match with real local people that you even met before, now you just get matched with Asian crypto scammers and Thai women. They scammed me out of 60€. Don't waste your money or mental health on this.

I had a wake up call with Craigslist. 15 years ago I found every apartment or sublet or room for rent through Craigslist, no problem, never had an issue.

After moving back to the states last year after a decade abroad, I tried Craigslist to find an apartment and literally every single one was a scam. Times change.

Re: The dating app paradox

#122

Post by carabiner »

sakawa wrote: post #96

I'd like to bring back an article, more analytical on this paratox (the title, Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating, speaks a lot), from the old and now dead OkCupid blog. Funnily, this post was deleted just after the acquisition from the Match Group in 2011. https://web.archive.org/web/20100821041938/http://blog.okcup... Latest discussion on this: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33163930

Oh man my comment on how Match group is a gambling app company is up there. I've been online dating for 20 years with pretty decent experiences as a short, ugly man, but now indeed the app/online dating situation is the worst ever. Some of this is probably due to me being older though.

Re: The dating app paradox

#123

Post by randomdata »

whstl wrote: post #101
randomdata wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> And yet the government mostly does what we ask of it. That's the problem, though. What we ask of a dating app is roughly "Give me access to partners that are 'out of my league'." It might work for some people sometimes, but it's not satisfiable in any meaningful way. It's like asking the government to "Make me rich" – something we do ask of the government! It does what it can, giving some people the opportunity to…

> What we ask of a dating app is roughly "Give me access to partners that are 'out of my league'." I don't really believe this is what we ask of apps. It is however what that the current apps promise us. If I install one of those apps, I need to swipe a lot of people to see an average woman. If I were single, I would probably be ok with the first 50 that show up if they weren't bots or onlyfans bait.

Apps only get used if they deliver what people want. Apps promise that because that's what people want. (There are always exceptions)

> I need to swipe a lot of people to see an average woman.

Right. If you were after an average woman (and an average woman was after you, we'll say someone also average), there would be no value proposition in swiping endlessly to find each other. You could both just step outside. There are average people abound.

But the likelihood is that at least one of you, if not both, seek someone who is more than average. A connection isn't being made outside because either one or both parties is saying, implicitly or explicitly, "No thanks."

And fair enough. If you think you can have something that you perceive as being better, why wouldn't you try to go for it? (Exceptions notwithstanding)

Re: The dating app paradox

#124

Post by drstewart »

Exoristos wrote: post #115
not2b wrote: post #103

The fact that one company repeatedly bought out its competition and now owns, according the the article, 45 dating apps probably has a lot to do with why they suck. Instead of competing by trying to be better, just buy out the rivals, gut them, and make everything worse. As long as the dominant player has lots of capital to buy any upstarts and the regulatory environment lets them do it, it can be an easier way to ma…

As well as regulating them, Western governments might want to actually fund high-quality, not-for-profit dating systems of some kind. Improved health for citizens, lessened extremism, not to mention possibly boosted population growth could result.

I'd certainly be interested in the literature you have showing nonprofit dating apps reduce extremism, whatever that means.

Re: The dating app paradox

#125

Post by ben7799 »

sss111 wrote: post #120
ben7799 wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This kind of thing has actually existed for a long time. They predated dating sites and had even worked off paper as far as I understand. The problem is they cost a lot more, and still had basically zero guarantee of any success. IIRC they were so expensive most single people would have trouble affording them. I met my wife on eHarmony back when it was relatively new. I had tried one of the non-computerized matching…

do you have any advice for someone who's just finished college and moved to a new place, its really hard to find people to hang out as friends.

You want to look for some kind of social hobby that naturally attracts a wide range of people, both men and women, is in person, and makes you happy regardless of whether you're actually meeting people.

Certain sports qualify. Volunteer groups can qualify. Some hobbies work.

For sports today the rock climbing community is very inclusive and the sport naturally causes people to get to know each other since you can't climb with ropes in most places without pairing up with someone. The whole gym culture of rock climbing didn't really exist yet when I was in my early 20s.

Re: The dating app paradox

#126

Post by lancesells »

sss111 wrote: post #120
ben7799 wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This kind of thing has actually existed for a long time. They predated dating sites and had even worked off paper as far as I understand. The problem is they cost a lot more, and still had basically zero guarantee of any success. IIRC they were so expensive most single people would have trouble affording them. I met my wife on eHarmony back when it was relatively new. I had tried one of the non-computerized matching…

do you have any advice for someone who's just finished college and moved to a new place, its really hard to find people to hang out as friends.

Sports and any kind of group activities that interest you.

Re: The dating app paradox

#127

Post by tompagenet2 »

drstewart wrote: post #124
Exoristos wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As well as regulating them, Western governments might want to actually fund high-quality, not-for-profit dating systems of some kind. Improved health for citizens, lessened extremism, not to mention possibly boosted population growth could result.

I'd certainly be interested in the literature you have showing nonprofit dating apps reduce extremism, whatever that means.

I'm pretty sure the point being made is that people having partners helps reduce isolation which can lead to extremism in some

Re: The dating app paradox

#128

Post by autoexec »

drstewart wrote: post #124
Exoristos wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As well as regulating them, Western governments might want to actually fund high-quality, not-for-profit dating systems of some kind. Improved health for citizens, lessened extremism, not to mention possibly boosted population growth could result.

I'd certainly be interested in the literature you have showing nonprofit dating apps reduce extremism, whatever that means.

I haven't looked but I suspect that people in happy loving relationships are less likely to be extremists/terrorists than unhappy people without close ties or people in their lives to check in on their mental well-being.

Re: The dating app paradox

#129

Post by PaulHoule »

not2b wrote: post #103

The fact that one company repeatedly bought out its competition and now owns, according the the article, 45 dating apps probably has a lot to do with why they suck. Instead of competing by trying to be better, just buy out the rivals, gut them, and make everything worse. As long as the dominant player has lots of capital to buy any upstarts and the regulatory environment lets them do it, it can be an easier way to ma…

They ought to get some kind of restraining order against Match that prevents them from acquiring any more companies.

Re: The dating app paradox

#130

Post by carabiner »

Exoristos wrote: post #115
not2b wrote: post #103

The fact that one company repeatedly bought out its competition and now owns, according the the article, 45 dating apps probably has a lot to do with why they suck. Instead of competing by trying to be better, just buy out the rivals, gut them, and make everything worse. As long as the dominant player has lots of capital to buy any upstarts and the regulatory environment lets them do it, it can be an easier way to ma…

As well as regulating them, Western governments might want to actually fund high-quality, not-for-profit dating systems of some kind. Improved health for citizens, lessened extremism, not to mention possibly boosted population growth could result.

Read: they need to legalize prostitution. There are curious in-between sites like Cuddlecomfort.com (for just platonic cuddling and anyone who's reported for sex work is banned), but it needs to be out in the open and regulated.
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