121–130 of 167 posts
I went into this expecting not to like the article, but I liked it. I personally was just laid off, and I think I'm in a unusual situation of resenting sympathy - I was already looking for a new job and I was sick of the company. The perfect response to me would be a sardonic "Well I'm sorry for their loss." But the articles advises first asking how the other person is feeling - and that is spot on, even for my situa…
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My friend: "I can't pay my rent." Me: "Whats your venmo". 4 minutes later.... My friend: "wtf I can't pay this back" Me: "Good i don't do loans" Put in the cash or effort. When you help someone down, they never forget.
> My friend: "I can't pay my rent." > Me: "Whats your venmo". > 4 minutes later.... > My friend: "wtf I can't pay this back" > Me: "Good i don't do loans" > Put in the cash or effort. When you help someone down, they never forget. Yep, they will never forget humiliation of depending on someone else's charity and will always hate you for it. But because it would be impolite to say it straight to your face they will fi…
Wow. What a horrible way to view the world.
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> we are paying a lawn service to mow for you. That would rub me the wrong way if I hadn't asked for it. I am just the sort of person who does not want pity or charity. If I want help, I'll ask for it or do the hiring, thanks. In particular, mowing the lawn is one of my "escapes" where I can kind of zone out doing something that is routine and mindless for a little while. It's almost like meditation. Shoveling snow o…
Many people, if you ask them if they want a gift, will say no just to be polite. In this scenario, if somebody said "I'd like to take care of the lawn for you if that would be helpful," I would deny the request because I wouldn't want to impose on them. Just going ahead and doing it for me would be amazing. The number one gift anybody could give me in a tough situation is to not force me to make one more decision. Wh…
Engineers instinctively want to solve problems. You can't solve this problem. They're going to feel awful for a while. "Hey, you'll find another job!" or "Hey, in 6 months you'll be over it!" or mentioning Kubler-Ross are the wrong "solutions." And definitely anything about you is the wrong solution. "I'm really sorry" sounds like boilerplate, but that's a good opening. And also a good closing.
His entire family is on the other side of the Pacific Ocean. I'm 3 states removed, so I can't physically help him with anything, either. My own employer is not hiring right now. The best that I can do is reach out to my own network on his behalf, and I am doing that, but I do not like the feeling of helplessness that I feel over his situation, let alone what he must be feeling about it. It really does feel awful, even as a bystander.
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> My friend: "I can't pay my rent." > Me: "Whats your venmo". > 4 minutes later.... > My friend: "wtf I can't pay this back" > Me: "Good i don't do loans" > Put in the cash or effort. When you help someone down, they never forget. Yep, they will never forget humiliation of depending on someone else's charity and will always hate you for it. But because it would be impolite to say it straight to your face they will fi…
"Yep, they will never forget humiliation of depending on someone else's charity" Wow. What a horrible way to view the world.
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After a recent devastating family tragedy, a friend reached out and said "we are paying a lawn service to mow for you." It was unexpected, related to something I had posted about trying to fix our riding lawnmower, and honestly took a huge chore off of our plate at a time when we needed to focus on family. I've appreciated so many things people have done for us, from just a message, card, shoulder to cry on, or visit…
My friend: "I can't pay my rent." Me: "Whats your venmo". 4 minutes later.... My friend: "wtf I can't pay this back" Me: "Good i don't do loans" Put in the cash or effort. When you help someone down, they never forget.
That's not to say there is no place for loans, but for me it has to be with the closest of friends, and when I've been the borrower, I sure as hell want to pay back, when I'm the lender, I'm much less concerned.
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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Not you anymore." This is dreadful, I know.
I've only been laid off one time in my life. I was working in Network Operations for an oil and gas company as a sysadmin / disaster recovery specialist. Anyway, there was some industry crisis and management announced layoffs were coming. On the day the axe fell my departmental director was calling people into his office. My turn came and I went in and when I saw the expression on his face I knew something was amiss.…
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Indeed, I'm finding that a lot of people find a phone call scary or threatening, and are much more comfortable with a text message, or even an audio message. At the same time, a dinner offer should be great for someone close enough, but in remote work that is more rare to happen. Writing a recommendation on LinkedIn, to me, seems like the most actionable thing one can do in such cases.
When my son was born, my friends without kids would bring food by and want to hang out, while my friends with kids would just text us after they left food on our doorstep.
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My friend: "I can't pay my rent." Me: "Whats your venmo". 4 minutes later.... My friend: "wtf I can't pay this back" Me: "Good i don't do loans" Put in the cash or effort. When you help someone down, they never forget.
I've always tried to operate this way, loans create an obligation, but for when people are uncomfortable with a gift, I lean towards the pay-it-forward approach. That's not to say there is no place for loans, but for me it has to be with the closest of friends, and when I've been the borrower, I sure as hell want to pay back, when I'm the lender, I'm much less concerned.