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I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

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Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#121

Post by thenerdhead »

I just wrote a whole book on this topic coming out soon. I had a similar crisis at 29 last year going into 30.

As a former overachiever and perfectionist, I gave myself till 30 when I was 18 writing down goals for some life accomplishments like:

- Get a Master's degree by 30

- Build a successful company by 30

- Be financially independent by 30

- Get married and have kids by 30

Needless to say, I accomplished only one of these things. I have a beautiful family I wouldn't trade the world for. But the others? Failure.

I lived my life with the social conditioning of the modern world that I lost my sense of happiness. I looked to others to define my path of value and purpose. I kept losing myself to shoulds.

What I didn't realize was that I was on my own path of fully expressing myself. I had to turn my attention back inward. I was the only person on this hero's journey to find happiness.

Now I’m content with what I’ve done by 30.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#122

Post by arethuza »

codr7 wrote: post #108
arethuza wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm in my 50s and I like to think I've had a reasonable career so far. However, by far the most fulfilling thing I've done for a long long time is helping out in a foodbank in a nearby town. So my biggest regret at the moment is actually realising that, at least for me, helping other people actually can be rather more fulfilling than achieving purely personal goals - I wish I'd realised this sooner.

I suspect the urge to feel needed, to be appreciated and the satisfaction from really helping other people is pretty much universal. But it's discouraged at every turn from the top; and replaced with shiny things, power and competition.

I guess that's one advantage of age - the lure of shiny things has long since worn off for me. And I've been fond of expensive cars, watches, cameras, ski gear etc. as anyone...

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#123

Post by mjg59 »

jll29 wrote: post #117
mjg59 wrote: post #106

Growing up, the idea of a career in computing was implausible. The only computing course my school offered was scheduled against doing a full science course, and they had nothing for the 16-18 range. The local night school programming class I signed up for was cancelled because I was the only person who signed up for it. My parents made it extremely clear that the idea that I could ever make money writing software wa…

What you say is true, yet we should aspire high standards, so that we can find out what we are able to achieve. If you set your bar too low, you will never surprise yourself with doing what your previous self deemed impossible, but what your current self managed to do. Most people I meet can do a lot more, by my assessment, than they think they are capable of. Their own thinking then hinders them from trying, and it…

Aspiring to overly high standards risks viewing yourself as a failure. There's an extent to which being ambitious drives you to achieve more, but there's also an extent to which it just leaves you feeling depressed about your failures and achieving less as a result. I don't think it's possible for anyone to calibrate that level without help from others who can provide a neutral perspective.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#124

Post by 5350-uiop-1130 »

Volrath89 wrote: post #105
5350-uiop-1130 wrote: post #50

my idea of success, in order: 1. financial independence (enough passive income not to work if i prefer) 2. own my own home (large enough to grow a family) 3. have a family In my mid 30s, pretty much given up on 3 and 2, as 3 depends on 2. So I am just left with 1 to aim for.

I don't know where do you live but it's definitely not necessary to own a home for having a family. Assuming you are a male, just having a stable job and actually wanting to have a family gives you a great chance of success with many, many women. Also mid 30s is so young, you still have at least a decade to find a significant other and build a family if that's what you want.

it's not so much about success with women, it's about having secure home and finances such that i don't have to worry about the future.

getting married, having kids, i could do it now, but i would be living as a renter, dependent on my job. i would not be able to sleep at night.

i feel like my parents generation at least had the safety net of social welfare, but that is no longer there.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#125

Post by IMTDb »

thenerdhead wrote: post #121

I just wrote a whole book on this topic coming out soon. I had a similar crisis at 29 last year going into 30. As a former overachiever and perfectionist, I gave myself till 30 when I was 18 writing down goals for some life accomplishments like: - Get a Master's degree by 30 - Build a successful company by 30 - Be financially independent by 30 - Get married and have kids by 30 Needless to say, I accomplished only one…

I am always quite surprised to see these as being labeled "overachiever" goals (they are pretty commonly expressed similarly).

Being an "overachiever" means : benefiting from the work of others (food, clothes, transports, ...) for roughly 23 years (time it takes to complete a master degree), then contributing to society for roughly 7 years (until the "successful company is built) by working extremely and then benefiting from the work of other for 60 more years (assuming death at 90) once financial independence is reached.

This is absolutely not sustainable for society as a whole, if more people managed to do that, mankind would not be better off. The fact that you have been able to complete your last goal, and that you are still contributing to society in a meaningful way, hopefully for many years to come is a much better outcome for everyone than if these self imposed goals had been reached. And the fact that you are content with your achievements so far a reflection of that.

You are absolutely succeeding at life, and you actually have overachieved those goals.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#126

Post by refurb »

gonzo41 wrote: post #19
AussieWog93 wrote: post #6

Poor bastard. I think a lot of older people really don't understand this, but our generation (late millennials, or at least middle-class late millennials) were genuinely fed the lie our whole life that we were special and could do anything. At some point, you have to admit to yourself that you're just an ordinary human being and Elon Musk has something special that you don't have. Only when you're in this mindset can…

Elon had starting capital. Never forget that he had the ability to have a soft landing all his life.

If you got the capital he had could you replicate Tesla’s success?

I know I couldn’t.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#127

Post by jkhdigital »

arethuza wrote: post #90
pmoriarty wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"I'm responsible for me - my success, my failures... Fulfilment comes from within, not externally." What's external and what's internal? Where do your desires come from? Your hopes? Some people think they are the masters of their mind, that what they feel come from them, but what about the influence of their parents, their friends, the movies they watch, the books they read, advertising, music, social media? We swim…

I'm in my 50s and I like to think I've had a reasonable career so far. However, by far the most fulfilling thing I've done for a long long time is helping out in a foodbank in a nearby town. So my biggest regret at the moment is actually realising that, at least for me, helping other people actually can be rather more fulfilling than achieving purely personal goals - I wish I'd realised this sooner.

Yup. I am a sober alcoholic and the most meaningful experience in my life—by a country mile—is sponsoring another alcoholic young man and watching him transform into a responsible, capable adult.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#128

Post by psychoslave »

Today I woke up, took paper-and-pencil, and wrote a poem about taking time for oneself, as some kind of gratefulness for being able to enjoy self-awareness. A bit later I red it to my daughter, and she replied with a poetry learned at preschool (she’s 5).

Now, what I didn’t make was to work on some of these digital projects I have, or looking for some new career opportunities. And part of me was a bit upset for this, to be transparent. Reading this article though, sent me back to the words of my little derisory poem, and recalled me how the most rewarding things can come from the tiniest endeavours.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#129

Post by chouxbuns »

mjg59 wrote: post #106

Growing up, the idea of a career in computing was implausible. The only computing course my school offered was scheduled against doing a full science course, and they had nothing for the 16-18 range. The local night school programming class I signed up for was cancelled because I was the only person who signed up for it. My parents made it extremely clear that the idea that I could ever make money writing software wa…

Thank you for sharing - 100% agree.

I always try to keep this Alan Watts quote in mind: “The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#130

Post by sAbakumoff »

asplake wrote: post #9

Personally, I’ve done some of my best work in my 40’s and 50’s. And so different to anything I was capable of doing in my 20’s and 30’s. The funniest thing is that I chose not only my university degree but also my optional modules based on a career choice that I moved on from well before I was 30. I don’t generally do regrets, but older me would tell younger me to relax a bit. There’s plenty of time and lots of thing…

I can relate to this sentiment. I recently turned 40 and 2021 was the most successful year out of the 20 years of career in IT, and I feel that's just the beginning.
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