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Stepping Back from Speaking

martinfowler.com

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Re: Stepping Back from Speaking

#121

Post by raxxorrax »

admissionsguy wrote: post #27

I dropped out of my PhD because I could not stand the pressure of having to do talks regularly. Even though I was pretty decent at it (I was told my delivery was fine and clarity was superb), and sometimes felt good ("powerful" for lack of a better word) while on stage, I would worry for months before every presentation, then basically get physically sick for weeks before, and take some weeks more to recover. Then on…

I can understand this reluctance. For what its worth I don't like talks about programming. It often doesn't provide too much knowledge transfer beyond a very shallow level. A deep blog post is much more appreciated. Would be awesome to see changes that this form of publishing isn't neglected anymore.

Re: Stepping Back from Speaking

#122

Post by tshanmu »

sheikheddy wrote: post #115
Syzygies wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes. In the years since I've learned that it is better to go off script. Preparation is so one can react, like a tennis match. After that trial by fire, I've been comfortable before audiences of a thousand multiple times. Once, asked how I became the math consultant for "A Beautiful Mind", I looked out and managed to sell "Every audience is an audience of one". For anxiety, it helps to remember that public speaking i…

> Once, asked how I became the math consultant for "A Beautiful Mind", I looked out and managed to sell "Every audience is an audience of one". Wait, are you Dave Bayer?

HN ftw

Re: Stepping Back from Speaking

#123

Post by manmal »

UncleOxidant wrote: post #36
ogjunkyard wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I mean this question is the most empathetic way possible, from a curiosity-based perspective, and feel free to tell me to shove off if you don't want to answer it. How do you gain employment in the event you decide you need to leave your current place of employment?

I have no current place of employment. I'm fortunate to be able to live without paid work for a long while. I'm possibly even retired from paid work altogether and not just from interviewing. This has happened a few years earlier than I had thought it would. I'm definitely in the "leanfire" category - I can be retired, but I'm going to have to be pretty frugal. That said, I do occasionally get contract gigs through p…

As a freelancer, I rarely have to do interviews. Maybe once a year? I don't avoid them because interviews usually mean that a gig is stable and well-paid, but if I had to, I probably could avoid interviews altogether.

Re: Stepping Back from Speaking

#124

Post by liviuchircu »

I completely understand this. Being an open-source software developer, I've constantly had to deliver technical talks in front of crowds of experienced, seasoned professionals at various conferences, of up to 300 people in size. And although I went through the same panicky experience in the first years of doing this, I developed several techniques that have helped me grow into actually embracing and longing for these talks:

* "growth slides": challenge yourself to deliver a slide that scares you, but which is actually a great idea! Examples: a fun, refreshing introductory story to break the ice, including your SO in the "about me" section and sneaking in the fact that you love them, a clever joke-slide at a random point that is SURELY a good idea, etc.

* writing down the difficult parts of the talk: a bit time-consuming, but writing down the exact content of the more challenging segments of the talk will help cool you off. Especially important if English is not your first language, as in my case.

* "box breathing": a US Navy breathing technique that I would perform for 10 minutes leading into the presentation, stabilizing my breathing, brain and emotions.

Re: Stepping Back from Speaking

#125

Post by tim333 »

jrochkind1 wrote: post #47

> It’s not always been this way. When I was a kid at school I felt none of the fear of public speaking that others talked about. I enjoyed being on stage, and with my loud voice and plenty of confidence, I felt good about being there. That continued to be true once I entered the world of work, and my comfort on-stage did much to boost my career. But over time, this changed. I am very curious about this dynamic, and w…

It sounds like a mindset thing that could maybe be changed. Perhaps at school he thought it a fun game and then as an adult worried too much about it. Wonder if he could psych himself back to a fun game mindset?

Re: Stepping Back from Speaking

#126

Post by zfxfr »

Talking to people I did not know was very problematic for me too. It was really crippling, sickening. Whether I had to speak to a single person or a hundred it was the same problem to me. On the other hand I had absolutely no problem talking to a friend or a person I know very well, but in a "formal setting" (like giving a talk or talking to my boss) I felt paralyzed and sick days before I had to speak. I remember spending hours trying to plan my future conversation with somebody like a program. I was literally trying to write every words that should come to my mouth and make different plans for every possible sentences my interlocutor would say.

Of course the stress level was much higher when I knew there would be a crowd listening to me. During my short career I had to give talks in English which to make it worse is not my mother tongue (I am French and bbtw I apologize my written English is also far from perfect). I felt somehow "jealous" of some people I was working with. They seemingly felt no stress at all when we had to give these conferences.

Now I am still not 100% comfortable talking to other people but I believe I made huge progress. I believe one important thing is to accept yourself as you are. Don't try to be someone else. Don't be so egocentric. Other people are no so different than you. I am really nice person and these people in front of you are also very nice why shouldn't they be ?

Yes I know it sound like some stupid Facebook post that some teenager would copy/paste. But at some point this realization somehow helped me.

Here is an other more concrete advice. I have been taking theater class for about 7 months now and I will have my first performance before an audience at the end of July. I believe theater really helped my confidence.

Re: Stepping Back from Speaking

#127

Post by realityking »

smitty1e wrote: post #109
wolverine876 wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "no! forget about your preparation. The informal explanation you just gave is actually a good first class, just repeat it a bit slowly and call it a day". I knew he was fucking with me just to calm me down, but this actually gave me a confidence boost. I don't understand why that's 'fucking with you'. Isn't that good, sincere advice?

One can quibble about the word choice, but the simple truth is that human interactions very frequently involve some sort of conscious/unconscious manipulation. So one is better off to interact with people who are decent at that activity and seeking to build us. Had my boss just yesterday close the office door and gently chide me about interrupting other people on the call. Best rebuke I've had in years.

I fondly remember the CMO taking me aside after I gave a presentation at a Company town hall (startup, ~300 people) and gently telling me I just made myself and the Marketing department look incompetent. I’m not completely bought into the whole radical candor thing but this was a great example of it working.

Re: Stepping Back from Speaking

#128

Post by enriquto »

mromanuk wrote: post #107
wolverine876 wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "no! forget about your preparation. The informal explanation you just gave is actually a good first class, just repeat it a bit slowly and call it a day". I knew he was fucking with me just to calm me down, but this actually gave me a confidence boost. I don't understand why that's 'fucking with you'. Isn't that good, sincere advice?

Sounds sincere to me

Yeah, in retrospect I agree it is good advice but I did not understand that immediately. Still, it helped me to see that teaching or giving talks should not be a "performance" but a honest act of communication.

Re: Stepping Back from Speaking

#129

Post by mkl »

bloqs wrote: post #95
admissionsguy wrote: post #27

I dropped out of my PhD because I could not stand the pressure of having to do talks regularly. Even though I was pretty decent at it (I was told my delivery was fine and clarity was superb), and sometimes felt good ("powerful" for lack of a better word) while on stage, I would worry for months before every presentation, then basically get physically sick for weeks before, and take some weeks more to recover. Then on…

Extraversion is a relatively plastic personality dimension

I don't think extroversion has much to do with it. I am very much an introvert but am totally fine with doing lectures to hundreds of people.

Re: Stepping Back from Speaking

#130

Post by qznc »

kentonv wrote: post #51

I get this too. Meanwhile, I wonder: are talks even worth it? A blog post can reach orders of magnitude more people, can be edited to perfection in advance, and is much easier for most people to consume (supports searching, skimming, quoting, out-of-order reading etc.). Even the Q&A part is much better conducted on a site like HN than live. It seems to me that a good blog post is strictly better than a talk. Yet we'r…

Writing is great to spread information. Talking is great to call to action. Different use cases.
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