Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?

Some of my past experience that helped me overcome loneliness associated with programming:

People

- Friendship is a two-way street. Waiting passively is not the way to go. Don't be across of rejection. Someone has to initiate the process and there's nothing wrong with the person being you. Just imagine it is equally hard for others to start taking to you.

- Acquaintance conversion can be a thing. Do you hang out at the same cafe / restaurant often? Start talking more to people there, can be either the staff or the customers. If you are afraid, try with those that you have seen for a few times and more friendly looking. You might end up with a good friend or the worst case some discount or freebie.

Hobby beyond programming

- I think it's essential to have another hobby apart from programming, which involves going outside the room and seeing people. We need to feel the society in some way after being alone for too long. In my case I really enjoyed walking, and it doesn't have to be together with others. Just walk in some densely populated areas such as malls or CBD or tourist area. You will feel more lifted when you are physically close to other people. It's also a good chance to initiate conversations.

- Finding a hobby group. Other hobby suggestions include weight lifting or photography. Try finding a local group for such activities to avoid the feeling of loneliness. Meetup.com, Facebook, Instagram are some of the avenues.

Goal

- Try to set goals for yourself if you have lost purpose in life. It can be something challenging or silly. As with programming, you can be quantitative in the goals. For example, eating healthy for a month, saving 100k in one year. Personally I set a goal of retiring at 35 and it's doing wonders to my motivation to work and expanding my income streams.

(I might add more as I recall them)

Know any good apps to gamify weight training? Strava really worked for me for running, now I'd like to replicate the experience with strength training.

I've heard it said that arms and legs are already a huge privilege and a lot to be grateful for.

Most people on Tinder live the fakest of lives. They may portray themselves as someone "cool" with pictures of travelling, chilling and doing amazing things but I bet their real lives aren't quite like that. They might have travelled and done a few fun things but they don't really lead zen lives. Remember the motto is to just get women.

My 2c is to stop looking at social media and try to meet people in real life. Increase your connections and expand the network from there. Your loneliness will fade away in a matter of few weeks.

It's literally a therapist's job to help you figure this out, I don't want to undermine this.

Please speak to a professional, you are not alone.

In the meantime, here are some of my own "no bullshit mantras" I found comforting in similar times, mostly from Zen Bhuddism :

* You are not supposed to be anywhere. Your only real obligation is to be you, now.

* There is no "better" version of you now. There is no other way to be you now. In fact, there is no other way to be, but to be what you are.

* What you are is beautiful, no matter who you are. I don't mean the Aguilera song, I mean it's literally a miracle that you're here now.

* Everything is as it is. There's no point in feeling guilty for things being the way they are, rather than the way you or someone else would have them. In a world where time only flows one way, every "ought" is an illusion.

If you like these ideas, I highly recommend meditation, such ideas are much easier to contemplate with a calm mind. I hear Alan Watts has good talks about this available on Youtube. Mindfulness meditation has also been associated with improvements in mental health (you can find many studies about this on Google Scholar).