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How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

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Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#121

Post by hnick »

opwieurposiu wrote: post #119

One Inuit parenting technique that works on my kids. If a child hits you or bites you, don't yell at them. Instead pretend to cry in an exaggerated way. I have found this to be way more effective than yelling or timeouts. My oldest is almost 4, so this might not work on older kids. But then older kids do not bite very often anyway.

This works on puppies too. If they get a bit nippy, overreact to the biting.

There's probably a lot of similarity between what works on very young kids and puppies, at least until they learn to use that brain of theirs better.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#122

Post by DaiPlusPlus »

duskwuff wrote: post #107
6gvONxR4sf7o wrote: post #58

Some of the stuff in here is obvious stuff that nonetheless is great to get reminders of, like leading by example. There was a unique piece that really intrigues me: Putting on a play/putting on a drama. "Putting on a drama" seems like a pretty romanticized way to say it, but if I understand correctly, it's practicing better responses to events that led to bad behavior. "Johnny, I'm going to steal your toy, and inste…

And it seems to me that deliberately teaching and practicing these methods in early childhood -- like in school -- could have profound implications. Right now, my impression is that public schools tend to take the approach of letting social skills develop organically through peer interactions. This seems like a huge missed opportunity.

> schools tend to take the approach of letting social skills develop organically through peer interactions

I believe this leads to peer-pressure and bullying. Bullying doesn’t have to be physically violent for it to have a lasting impact on someone’s life.

> This seems like a huge missed opportunity

I suspect it’s by-design - there’s a large chunk of parents[1] who adamantly insist that schools should only teach the Three Rs and that it’s exclusively the parents’ responsibility to “raise” children. It’s difficult to advance this agenda without it being misrepresented as “liberal indoctrination” and then becoming politically unpopular.

[1]Invariably of the authoritarian-bent...

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#123

Post by shard »

dragonwriter wrote: post #87
shard wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To deceive someone is to tell them an untruth for personal gain. There are cases where an untruth is told for the greater good, or for the good of the listener. In those cases, there is a divergence between lie and deception.

> To deceive someone is to tell them an untruth for personal gain. No, it's to cause someone to believe something that is not true. Personal gain is a common goal served by deceit, not part of it's essential character.

Causing someone to believe something that is not true is too weak of a definition for deceive. Consider the difference between telling someone a falsehood versus deceiving someone. There is a malicious intent behind deception, which is not present in falsehood.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#124

Post by shard »

ehaliewicz2 wrote: post #88
shard wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To deceive someone is to tell them an untruth for personal gain. There are cases where an untruth is told for the greater good, or for the good of the listener. In those cases, there is a divergence between lie and deception.

I never got that connotation from the word 'deceive', I thought it just meant misleading someone, not necessarily for your own gain. Furthermore, I grew up christian and was never told all lying was for personal gain.

To me there is a difference between mislead and deceive. Deceive has a stronger negative intention behind it. Consider someone saying "I was misled" versus "I was deceived".

I made no connotations between what I wrote and Christianity / all lying is for personal gain, so we can skip that part of the discussion.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#125

Post by fao_ »

nickelpro wrote: post #115

It's easy to shape children so single mindedly when the cultural context of that child is completely controlled. More simply, public schools and Youtube would break this sort of conditioning in short order. It only works if you only expose a kid to that singular unified world view until they lose easy plasticity. And as a personal note, I don't think that reserving kids to a single world view like that is net good, e…

> More simply, public schools and Youtube would break this sort of conditioning in short order.

Ehh? I've been exposed to decades of stimuli and yet I still have feelings and emotions that were created in my childhood, and it is difficult trying to unlearn them.

> even if you view numbed anger as benefit (which I also don't).

I know someone whose parents are unable to control their irritation, they are in their 50s and 60s and they will spend 5 - 10 minutes shouting at the tablet simply because it is slow, etc. I and their other friends agree that their parents are essentially emotional children in the ways that they present. It's not a happy situation for anyone in the vicinity. Part of living in this world is learning to control some of your reactions and find more beneficial and productive ways of dealing with your feelings that satisfy you, and do not hurt other people in your surroundings.

Unfortunately, my friend's parents were traumatised early in life by their own parents, and never sought help. Never saw a therapist that would help them to deal with this stress in non-harmful ways.

Anger isn't necessarily a bad thing, for example in a revolutionary sense it has been vastly productive, but when you're screaming about throwing a computer through a screen because you misclicked something or because it is slow to load, then it is childish and should be controlled, because it is unpleasant for everyone.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#126

Post by james_s_tayler »

opwieurposiu wrote: post #119

One Inuit parenting technique that works on my kids. If a child hits you or bites you, don't yell at them. Instead pretend to cry in an exaggerated way. I have found this to be way more effective than yelling or timeouts. My oldest is almost 4, so this might not work on older kids. But then older kids do not bite very often anyway.

Will try this!

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#127

Post by lxmorj »

choeger wrote: post #9

So a large part is to lie? I don't know. I mean, yes, I get angry by my children, and I don't know any parent that does not. Probably I get angry too often too early. But I really try hard never to lie to my kids. I even show them that I am angry because I think that's part of the game. Kids need to learn that other people have emotions. But telling stories about horrific creatures to avoid dangerous places? I don't…

If you told a child "you see, when you go in the water, your lungs stop being able to absorb oxygen and your brain shuts down - after long enough - we cannot start it back up again" they aren't going to understand.

Using allegories you can put things into terms the child understands more easily. As they get older you can explain the truth behind the "lie" or story, if you like.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#128

Post by james_s_tayler »

yters wrote: post #60
choeger wrote: post #9

So a large part is to lie? I don't know. I mean, yes, I get angry by my children, and I don't know any parent that does not. Probably I get angry too often too early. But I really try hard never to lie to my kids. I even show them that I am angry because I think that's part of the game. Kids need to learn that other people have emotions. But telling stories about horrific creatures to avoid dangerous places? I don't…

I remember in high school learning electrons were balls. Then, later I learn they are actually fields. Was I lied to?

It's a phenomenon known as a "lie to children". Each level of academia produces a wrong but convenient model which is then subsequently replaced with a slightly less and slightly less convenient model.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#129

Post by jaimex2 »

opwieurposiu wrote: post #119

One Inuit parenting technique that works on my kids. If a child hits you or bites you, don't yell at them. Instead pretend to cry in an exaggerated way. I have found this to be way more effective than yelling or timeouts. My oldest is almost 4, so this might not work on older kids. But then older kids do not bite very often anyway.

Biting them back also works.

Re: How Inuit parents teach kids to control their anger (2019)

#130

Post by jaimex2 »

choeger wrote: post #9

So a large part is to lie? I don't know. I mean, yes, I get angry by my children, and I don't know any parent that does not. Probably I get angry too often too early. But I really try hard never to lie to my kids. I even show them that I am angry because I think that's part of the game. Kids need to learn that other people have emotions. But telling stories about horrific creatures to avoid dangerous places? I don't…

You can just base the story on the truth, you don't have to lie.

Curious on your comment... Do you do Easter bunny, Tooth Fairy or Santa with your kids?

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