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Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

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Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#121

Post by Balgair »

wodenokoto wrote: post #95
axaxs wrote: post #22

Anecdotally... I am, but I seem doomed. I'm not really antisocial. In fact, I can become overtalkative at times when in a social setting. But, given the option, I never seem to want to 'get out' and socialize. Though, when I force myself to, I am in such a better mood for a few days. Then, back to normal, and avoiding social gatherings again until the next time.

That's how most people feel about working out. The hardest part is getting the running shoes on, but once you're doing it, it feels really good. I don't think it is unusual for people to have an averse reaction to investing in themselves, although it does look illogical from the outside.

Nitpick: It feels really good for most people.

For me, I just feel like crap. I've run a marathon before and done a lot of other types of exercise, but that 'glow' that people report having is not something that I've ever gotten. I don't feel good after a workout or during one; I feel tired, gross, and irratiable.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#122

Post by watwut »

stronglikedan wrote: post #118
passwordreset wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My father just died, my mother is depressed. That's a natural, normal, healthy reaction to a traumatic externality. Being depressed as a result of meeting people that you don't want to meet seems perfectly normal to me. Talking to someone when you don't want to talk to them seems like it would only get you more depressed. IMO, bad advice, please rethink.

Your mother isn't depressed because your father died. You should not be feeling depressed because you meet some people you'd rather not. It seems like there are some unhealthy internalizations going on that can be identified by talking to someone (for a start). I hope for the best.

His mother emotional state should be unaffected by husbands death?

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#123

Post by _8j50 »

Retra wrote: post #112
leetcrew wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>> In my experience no human is ok with being socially isolated for a long period of time > Citation needed. for their experience?

It's a bit incongruous to talk about "all humans" when you haven't experienced them all. Asking for a citation is asking for a justification for this generalization, not for a citation about the experience itself. I mean, if the argument was "no human I've met can stand being alone for long periods of time", the obvious problem is selection bias: you don't meet people who like being alone.

Talk about straw-man. I never said "no human i've met",you interjected that to make yout argument. I did generalize but you seem to be missing what i was trying to say.

To rephrase: based on my own experiences I don't believe a human can achieve inner peace and happiness without at least some social contact once in a while.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#124

Post by chewz »

cryptozeus wrote: post #117
chewz wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All of man’s problems stem from his inability to sit quietly in a room alone. -Blaise Pascal

Its a good quote but I don’t think society and world can support this. Why is there a room to begin with and why do you have to be forced to sit down in it. Completely counter intuitive. Same reason why meditation works for those 20 min.

It is just a quote from Pascal's Thoughts so more like haiku or ad hoc observation then a commandment.

You don't need to sit 24 hours alone in an empty room - you just should be able to - this is my interpretation.

It is like '- Master, how long should I meditate? - 20 minutes is enough. - But I don't have time for that. - If you don't have time then meditate for one hour.'

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#125

Post by Retra »

_8j50 wrote: post #123
Retra wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's a bit incongruous to talk about "all humans" when you haven't experienced them all. Asking for a citation is asking for a justification for this generalization, not for a citation about the experience itself. I mean, if the argument was "no human I've met can stand being alone for long periods of time", the obvious problem is selection bias: you don't meet people who like being alone.

Talk about straw-man. I never said "no human i've met",you interjected that to make yout argument. I did generalize but you seem to be missing what i was trying to say. To rephrase: based on my own experiences I don't believe a human can achieve inner peace and happiness without at least some social contact once in a while.

I'm not even arguing with you, let alone constructing a straw man to argue with. I'm simply explaining why an explanation that justifies a belief is appropriate here. I don't care what you believe, I care why you believe it.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#126

Post by humanrebar »

kd5bjo wrote: post #104
humanrebar wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Protip: Volunteer somewhere. Or just find people who enjoy your company. If you're treating this like a diet or exercise regimen, it will probably turn out the way most of those turn out. Instead, maybe think about the other people involved and consider them important as well. There are plenty of people that need some attention, care, resources, advice, and so on. If people come to rely on you, it is motivating, mean…

On the opposite end of the scale: go to a sporting event and cheer on the home team. You’ll be in an energetic group with common purpose, and no expectation to hold a conversation of any kind.

My point was that "how am I minmaxing my life?" is a poor foundation for a healthy relationship on an ethical level if not a practical one. Go ahead and start with being focused on others and trust that the personal benefits will follow.

Cheering on an underappreciated club might have the same benefits, but I'm mostly doubtful that consumer activities, albeit fun and mildly social ones, qualify as being externally focused.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#127

Post by [deleted] »

humanrebar wrote: post #126
kd5bjo wrote: post #104

Earlier quoted context omitted.

On the opposite end of the scale: go to a sporting event and cheer on the home team. You’ll be in an energetic group with common purpose, and no expectation to hold a conversation of any kind.

My point was that "how am I minmaxing my life?" is a poor foundation for a healthy relationship on an ethical level if not a practical one. Go ahead and start with being focused on others and trust that the personal benefits will follow. Cheering on an underappreciated club might have the same benefits, but I'm mostly doubtful that consumer activities, albeit fun and mildly social ones, qualify as being externally fo…

[deleted]

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#128

Post by williamchangnpu »

lloeki wrote: post #65
axaxs wrote: post #22

Anecdotally... I am, but I seem doomed. I'm not really antisocial. In fact, I can become overtalkative at times when in a social setting. But, given the option, I never seem to want to 'get out' and socialize. Though, when I force myself to, I am in such a better mood for a few days. Then, back to normal, and avoiding social gatherings again until the next time.

Sounds like you have an introvert trait (in the Myers Briggs sense), which does not mean despising human interaction but that even though you enjoy it, it’s taxing at some level (but you get some benefit at another level). If this is the case, the rejection comes from energy being exhausted (no one enjoys being exhausted) and you have to recharge your social interactions batteries. At some point you may have intuitiv…

> balanced your NN towards “not meeting” by default

I'm wondering what does NN mean, am I losing some context?

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#129

Post by randomsearch »

saiya-jin wrote: post #63
randomsearch wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sharing this because I said it the other day and it seemed to resonate. Happiness is overvalued. Meaning or purpose is undervalued. Happiness is based on a transition: something new, a change of circumstances, and is by its nature temporary. Meaning and purpose are long term. Seek meaning, not happiness.

> Seek meaning, not happiness. Hold your horses a bit here. Just because some mental model works for your, please don't do blanket statements for entire human civilization. I for example pursue many utterly selfish hobbies without any proper meaning to me or anybody else, full of objective dangers that can kill me in case of lack of attention (or pure bad time at bad spot situation), last time this Sunday (ended up w…

> Hold your horses a bit here. Just because some mental model works for your, please don't do blanket statements for entire human civilization.

It sounds like you've taken the aphorism to be all-encompassing.

I didn't mean "pursue meaning and forget happiness", rather that it is better to weight your goals in life to the former, as it is more sustainable.

In general I think aphorisms are rules of thumb. All such observations require careful interpretation/application to enact them usefully.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#130

Post by irrational »

agumonkey wrote: post #55
irrational wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Daily was common when I was a teenager. Every other day was common in college. Weekly was common right after college. Now with a full time job, family, house maintenance, etc. I probably average once every 2 months or so and I'm amazed I even have that much time to spend with friends. I'm looking forward to retirement.

I wonder how it was when people didn't move as far as today. Geographical proximity might surely help emotional proximity.

I live within blocks of most of my friends. But they are as busy as I am.
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