121–130 of 669 posts
I married very young. My wife and I had very little, both were working jobs for close to minimum wage with no marketable skills between us. So we sat down and decided what we wanted. We both wanted kids, she wanted to stay home with them when they were young. We both wanted a house of our own. We both wanted to live somewhere with family and friends that we could rely on to help us lay down roots and build that home.…
I would recommend two things to this woman: 1) declare bankruptcy to get rid of your debts and start over 2) join a religious community, those folks commit much faster!
I would recommend two things to this woman: 1) declare bankruptcy to get rid of your debts and start over 2) join a religious community, those folks commit much faster!
I've been thinking of going to church lately. I wouldn't call myself a believer necessarily, but I do believe in such things as many people now have dismissed due to utter faith in science. So, I'm not "Christian", but I think the bible is an important book and contains wisdom. If you haven't read Ecclesiastes, I suggest you do. It was written by some old, powerful man (no one really knows who), basically reflecting…
No one knows that it was written by an old, powerful man, either. The tradition is that it was written by King Solomon and contains his parables, and that the framing device of a third-person narrator reflecting on someone else's parable is a rhetorical device, but there are certainly interpretations that, whoever the subject is, the (primary, there are some parts that are generally accepted to come from a different author than the main body) author is (as the framing suggests) a third person narrator, relating wisdom sayings that came from, or at least are attributed to, another source.
Admittedly much of what she describes could apply to either gender, but it’s women who are hit hardest by fading looks and declining fertility.
It used to be accepted cultural knowledge that if a woman desired marriage and children, she should probably spend her ‘best years’ looking for and committing to a husband. Now you’d be labelled a misogynist for even suggesting that.
Women have been indoctrinated to think that they can spend their 20s and early 30s being ‘the poster child for serial monogamy’, and then have a husband fall into their lap when they’re ready for it. I’m sure it works out for many of them, but I feel sorry for the ones for whom it doesn’t.
"We should be more honest about the real tradeoffs between endless wanderlust/adventure-seeking and putting down real roots. The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." (Friend's comment on article) Polly's reply is so shameless (including promoting her own book in the reply) that it's incredible just how badly it missed the po…
I don't see what's wrong with the quoted reply. Why is it so wrong to not settle down before 35? I have friends who were settled down, had kids, and divorced by 35; should we seek to emulate their experience over being single at 35? Of course not. Nor do I see what's wrong with responding to a question with a relevant and timely personal anecdote. > And there are some things, like travel and careerism, that will not…
It's part of the human condition.
"We should be more honest about the real tradeoffs between endless wanderlust/adventure-seeking and putting down real roots. The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." (Friend's comment on article) Polly's reply is so shameless (including promoting her own book in the reply) that it's incredible just how badly it missed the po…
I don't see what's wrong with the quoted reply. Why is it so wrong to not settle down before 35? I have friends who were settled down, had kids, and divorced by 35; should we seek to emulate their experience over being single at 35? Of course not. Nor do I see what's wrong with responding to a question with a relevant and timely personal anecdote. > And there are some things, like travel and careerism, that will not…
It amounts to demand to not talk about it openly, because it would be not nice (or rude) to tell someone else that she/he is lonely etc.
I think the parents of many 20 and 30-somethings played a role in so many young(ish) adults failing to launch. American parents could learn a thing or two about parenting from previous generations and from a lot of immigrant families: nobody owes you anything, plan for a rainy day, find a partner you love and commit to them, work hard, cherish friends and family even when it's difficult, etc. I think parenting has ov…
> decades at a time I think we're seeing the result of the baby boomer generation, essentially. They rejected the old, as you put it -- stern way of parenting. I'd argue, perhaps it wasn't so much stern as it was the structured. There was structure, expectations, and responsibilities. Things previous generates required to live. Since then, we've grown increasingly accustomed to insane amounts of wealth (or perhaps de…
jefftk makes this point in a reflection on raising his own child--that there is great value in providing an environment which is predictable: https://www.jefftk.com/p/how-to-parent-more-predictably
I could give better advice in a single sentence. To wit, "you should schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist to get screened for adult ADHD." These life problems are classic adult ADHD symptoms. Moving cities every few years. Not being able to hold down a long-term relationship. Your "who-knows-what-number" job. Debt from poor and impulsive decisions. Lack of internal drive. Difficulty making and keeping friends.…
Is it really a diagnosis every single time? Are you saying pills will fix that? Unabashedly, no. Some people just get caught up in the wrong mentality and among peers who think a certain way. That analogy of "blindfolded, sitting on a mountain of glittering gems" makes a lot of sense. It's the lack of perspective/awareness. Awareness is the antidote.
>It's the lack of perspective/awareness.
This is another ADHD symptom: a relative nearsightedness to behavioral consequences that are far away in time.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Certainly. But I am specifically asking 'simonsarris just whom it is he thinks he's helping here, and how, and why.
He’s helping Haunted by telling her the unvarnished truth. She can still do something positive with her life but many doors are now closed for her.
"We should be more honest about the real tradeoffs between endless wanderlust/adventure-seeking and putting down real roots. The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." (Friend's comment on article) Polly's reply is so shameless (including promoting her own book in the reply) that it's incredible just how badly it missed the po…
I say this is bad advice not because I think what makes me happy will make everyone happy. I know lots of people would find a life with kids in the suburbs stifling. But the "treasured child" type of advice makes the same mistake in the opposite direction. Our culture glamorizes a life of travel and adventure and experiences, but I think it dramatically underestimate the percentage of the population who find such a life unfulfilling and would be more fulfilled with roots and neighbors and a sense of place.
"What would you tell your kid?" My dad traveled the world, visiting dozens of countries helping bring health care to the developing world. He told me that the most fulfilling thing he did in his life was raise two kids. That's very uncool to say these days. But kids are always best served by honesty. They will find fulfilling whatever it is that they find fulfilling. Maybe they'll live a life of experience and die happy. Or maybe the best thing they will ever do will be to make you grandkids. But you're not helping them figure things out by trying to sell them an aspirational version of reality.