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My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

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Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#121

Post by pm90 »

NikolaeVarius wrote: post #112
pm90 wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Online dating is good for people who simply have NO other avenue to meet people Like everything, in moderation it works great. I'm a male software engineer and can relate to your feelings of not being able to meet single women naturally. But relying exclusively on online dating is kinda... uncreative. You mentioned bars. But also: coffee shops. Art shows. Music festivals. When used in conjunction, Online dating is…

I've never really understood the entire Art Shows/Music Festival angle. I've been to a few and never really been in a situation to actually talk to people.

Of course I can't speak to your individual experience. But these are events where a lot of people are in close proximity and hence the chances of meeting others increase.

In music festivals, the last few women that I met were: sitting next to me watching music, in a line to get beer, dancing to my favorite band etc. It seems to me the social norm in the US for the guy to first initiate contact, so you've gotta be able to do that. Women generally have never initiated conversation, except the most extroverted ones.

I like Art Shows/Museums better because they tend to attract a little more educated/sophisticated crowd. I mean, to be fair, I don't go to these places with the explicit intent of meeting women, but the last time I was in MOMA in Houston and there was a group of ladies talking about Napoleon and I couldn't resist asking questions... it was a great conversation and sharing of minds!

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#122

Post by pm90 »

jeffwass wrote: post #115
pm90 wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If you're worried about potential dates being turned off by the bald head and bulging stomach, won't they be turned off when they meet you in person? Depends on what they are looking for, really. You would be surprised at how many PEOPLE, both men and women, are lonely and looking for companionship. And its very easy to swipe but meeting in person you tend to notice other attractive qualities. I agree it is mislead…

I know what your saying, but unless I misinterpreted, the author was lamenting how most of his 150 first dates were a waste of his time. so that's where he has to decide. 150 dates with potentially little bite, or maybe 10 (or less?) dates where his worries are almost guaranteed not to be an issue. Of course zero first dates is not good either. Given his interest in experimenting like this, I'd be curious to see if h…

Ah good point. My expectation is that (unfortunately) he would probably get 0 dates. The online dating world is MUCH too competitive, to the point of absurdity.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#123

Post by watwut »

_m8fo wrote: post #114
watwut wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What about people who date few individuals (2-3), break up 1-2 times and their partners were neither closet racists nor violent nor anything that grave. That would describe majority of people I know.

well, the definition of a "fatal flaw" depends on the individual. even falling "out of love" with someone is obviously a fatal flaw which is probably the most common.

Falling out of love is big deal and reason to split, but hardly reflects badly on partners character the way racism and violence does.

If you are neat freak and she is systematically messy, than the relationship is bound to break or be lifelong hell. However, it is no violence and both partners can move to different successful long term relationship (this time being smarter and checking cleanness standards compatibility before first kiss).

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#124

Post by pm90 »

Kalium wrote: post #113
jeffwass wrote: post #52

>"I became an online dating magician who knew how to optimize a profile — A/B testing pictures and message. If I changed my profile picture and got more “likes” as a result, that meant it was better. I was tracking data, which made it easy to see what performed best. >This one worked, probably because it hides the bulging stomach and the balding head." No, your A/B test doesn't mean it's 'better', unless you're count…

> Or should you be yourself from the beginning, "happy to be a hippo" so to speak[1]. You'll probably get fewer first bites, but ones that get through have shown they don't care about your balding head and bulging stomach. You're absolutely right! People should be filtering for quality over quantity! That said, is it possible you're running on the assumption that the people we're concerned with here can reasonably ex…

I 100% agree with being oneself but there are some unfortunate human pitfalls which prevents human beings from communicating their true value to others quickly and in an attractive manner. e.g. A guy may be kinda sorta balding, but he might turn out to be the best dad in the world. How is he supposed to convey that value to his potential mates?

This is why I recommend at least paying lip service to notions of fashion and social behavior. One doesn't need to become an outgoing extrovert, only to be able to use the signals that society associates with attractive mates. For males, this is: confidence, good style and posture, hygiene etc.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#125

Post by mynegation »

That reminded me of my wife's friend who wrote a book[1] about her experience of outsourcing dating. Being a woman she has the reverse problem of too many suitors. She outsourced the vetting process and initial conversation to the hired assistants (yes, plural), with mixed success.

In my experience any kind of scenario where friction is removed (never have been on tinder, but I would imagine it is even more pronounced than a crowded bar) leads to that kind of imbalance. One of tradeoffs that might work for some males is to put themselves into a kind of situations that puts them next to females for a prolonged amount of time. School, work, and neighbours are classic, but that also includes dance schools, sports, and frequent parties with mutual friends. Women are much more likely to spend time with you if they feel like they already know you a bit.

[1] http://datingvandalized.com/

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#126

Post by Grue3 »

This is a depressing read. Here we have a "startup founder" (=relatively wealthy), who isn't that bad-looking, using a complicated script to massively increase his opportunities and he still can't get a date. Is there even hope for the rest of us?

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#127

Post by amackera »

Grue3 wrote: post #126

This is a depressing read. Here we have a "startup founder" (=relatively wealthy), who isn't that bad-looking, using a complicated script to massively increase his opportunities and he still can't get a date. Is there even hope for the rest of us?

Haha well he got plenty of dates (150 of them), he just never found that special someone.

TBH I think his problem was that he didn't quality his leads well enough.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#128

Post by bragh »

watwut wrote: post #106
gorkonsine wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>online dating is one of the most nihilistic enterprises >approaching people you're attracted to (not on the street you pua twats) is one of the few "scary" things still available to us as denizens of modernity Online dating is good for people who simply have NO other avenue to meet people. If you're not supposed to try to pick up people on the street, then where would you apply this advice? Work? I don't know about…

"Extracurricular activities? Sure, but the number of single women at these things tends to be pretty small," Different extracurricular activities? Like dancing class or climbing - both being social and popular among women.

It's said that it's a very bad idea to do that. Women go to those activities to have fun, not for single guys to hit on them.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#130

Post by logfromblammo »

pm90 wrote: post #100
gorkonsine wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>online dating is one of the most nihilistic enterprises >approaching people you're attracted to (not on the street you pua twats) is one of the few "scary" things still available to us as denizens of modernity Online dating is good for people who simply have NO other avenue to meet people. If you're not supposed to try to pick up people on the street, then where would you apply this advice? Work? I don't know about…

> Online dating is good for people who simply have NO other avenue to meet people Like everything, in moderation it works great. I'm a male software engineer and can relate to your feelings of not being able to meet single women naturally. But relying exclusively on online dating is kinda... uncreative. You mentioned bars. But also: coffee shops. Art shows. Music festivals. When used in conjunction, Online dating is…

I'd totally be down with a book club where the #1 rule was don't talk at book club. The club therefore consists of people willing to sit in the same place at the same time, and read their own books without ever ruining them by discussing them. Relationship interest would be telegraphed by slightly overlapping your cone of personal space onto someone else's, and hoping it doesn't make them panic and flee.

Nothing spoils a potential relationship quite like finding out the other person is a babbling idiot.

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