121–130 of 335 posts
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And sometimes it's better to say nothing at all...
Very very true. The greater your ability to conceal your thoughts, especially in the case of escalating provocations, the more information your interlocutor will reveal until the strategic balance shifts.
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Very true! It's hard to argue with another person's feelings or needs though. I can always need a bit of resting (who doesn't?), so it's not even a lie if I say "Sorry I feel a bit worn out, so I can't take this right now. I have this and that task to do later and I will have to give my everything to do it properly. I hope you find a solution for your problem." The white lie would be "Sorry my foot hurts, I had an ac…
Both of those sound terrible and regardless of your feelings I might tag you as unreliable. Is there a third way?
What's the effect of you marking me as unreliable? Will you stop considering me for certain tasks, or will you cease any relationship with me?
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I found it oftentimes easier to say no without saying reason. The issue for me was that when I state reason, people wanted to negotiate, attempted to "advise" me on how organize my time better and so on and so forth. Overtime (at least against many people) I found it much less draining to simply insist on politely stated no without further explanation.
Counterpoint: when people do this to me, I instinctively assume that the true reason is laziness. On top of that, I feel alienated – what, you think you're so important that you can brush me off just like that, and I'm not even worthy being given a reason? Be careful with this one. It's very much possible to state a reason and still express that you won't change your mind on the matter. Although it is more effort, yo…
If saying the reason would not lead to people taking advantage of it, I would say it. But with many people it does.
But I would not just brush you off, actually. I would attempt to find a way to help you if I would see one or attempted to redirect you to someone who can help. So even if I wont do what you want, unless I have bad experience with you personally, I would try to figure out alternative solution.
I was explaining this point of view to a good old aunt of mine one afternoon and she exclaimed: “But, Joe, it is so selfish for a man to put his work ahead of everything! It’s unchristian.” “On the contrary, it is Christian in the very finest sense,” I replied. “What was it that Jesus said when his parents rebuked him for his failure to keep his engagement with them on that first journey down from Jerusalem? ‘Wist ye…
These types of arguments on whether something is or isn't Christian or so prevalent on my FB feed, especially in regards to current politics, even being posted by non-Christians trying to convince their Christian relatives and friends to renounce a policy or politician. My take would be - this is arguing within a nonsensical framework, and we are prolonging the hopefully last stages of the superstitious demon-haunted…
You could make the greatest AI in the whole universe. So realistic that it screams in terror and begs you for mercy if you threaten to pull the power cord or wipe its hard drive. However it would only ever be artificial intelligence. No one would ever be considered a murderer for destroying their ai machine. The reason is because while it seems perfectly realistic, there is no conscious agent in it. It is all artificial, that is, fake.
There are gaping holes in materialistic theory, this being one of the most obvious. Of course Christianity accounts for the existence of a supernatural world, which your spirit is part of.
Don't call Christianity nonsensical, because it makes a lot of sense where other theories fail. Sure there are many difficult questions. However materialism cannot offer an explanation for how my experience of reality, which is not material, exists. So at minimum, in comparison to alternatives, it is actually pretty good.
>Read the life of a great scientist like Agassiz. Was he forever at the world’s beck and call? Not for a single day. Agassiz refers to "Louis Agassiz" a creationist scientific racist that believed the races had been created by God in separate events. Not the best example to use. Edit: He believed this in the late 1800 and the author of the submitted article apparently considered him a "great scientist" as late as 192…
He was the first person to (formally) propose the idea of an ice age, and find evidence for it. That's pretty impressive. I don't see how what you pointed out about his beliefs detracts from the point the author was trying to make by using him as an example of a driven individual. Does the fact Newton spent many years practicing alchemy detract from his achievements? It's not about whether or not they were right or w…
No. Not at all.
But it might show that non-agreeableness might have some downsides.
It's ok to be accommodating as long as you have learned to be introspective. We all have demands of our own time and money. Introspective accommodating people are able to help others in a generous way while protecting the time and resources they need to help themselves. It's a difficult balance to achieve. Through experience, I've come to believe that this holds true in long-term personal relationships, too. While ma…
You want to compromise on the stuff that other people find important and hold fast on the stuff that you find important. Goes for both relationships, friends, teammates, and business associates. Most people come into the world assuming that their desires are everybody's desires. We live life by the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." This obscures that there's often a wide variety in t…
Isn't the definition of "important" what people disagree over when it comes to compromise? My girlfriend can say X is super important to her but in my eyes Y is more important than X and hence I will have to let go of X and hold on to Y. Convincing someone of why X or Y is more important than the other is where most of the conflict happens.
>"You need to show love in the ways that other people want to receive it, not the way you want to send it."
This is true and easy to follow but it doesn't capture my concern above which seems to be much more complex than this scenario.
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Counterpoint: when people do this to me, I instinctively assume that the true reason is laziness. On top of that, I feel alienated – what, you think you're so important that you can brush me off just like that, and I'm not even worthy being given a reason? Be careful with this one. It's very much possible to state a reason and still express that you won't change your mind on the matter. Although it is more effort, yo…
It's a confidence thing. You don't need a reason to say No. If somebody thinks you lazy, so be it. But you don't owe anyone a reason. Reasons, as you see them, are often "excuses" to the other person. Mught be even worse. Now you're not just lazy, you also make excuses. Personally I'm bad at this too. I often give reasons/excuses when there's no need and even more often I say No by not saying anything at all and wait…
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Maybe I'm off my rocker, but isn't this exactly what "white lies"[1] were invented for? You don't actually always have to be 100% truthful with everyone. (That will also serve you badly in other social situations, BTW.) [1] Point being that even if people eventually find out that you did tell them a "white lie", they'll actually usually be very understanding because that's the societal norm and they realize that you…
Very true! It's hard to argue with another person's feelings or needs though. I can always need a bit of resting (who doesn't?), so it's not even a lie if I say "Sorry I feel a bit worn out, so I can't take this right now. I have this and that task to do later and I will have to give my everything to do it properly. I hope you find a solution for your problem." The white lie would be "Sorry my foot hurts, I had an ac…
For anybody learning to say "no" currently - learn to say "no" gently and kindly. I'm quite bad at this myself. I let people impose stuff on me, and once I have had enough, I have a very rude way of telling people off. One reason for this rudeness is a fear that I will lose something when declining (e.g. a relationship or money), so I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place - I don't want to help, but I feel I sho…
I.e "Can you just take on $LARGE_TASK?" -> "No, I'm currently overbooked. But I can put you in contact with X, who might be able to help"
"Can you fix dinner?" -> "No, I need to wrap this up. Maybe we can cook something together after?"
It doesn't always work - sometimes a plain no is really called for - but in many cases, it takes off the pressure of flatly declining.