Married to someone with anxiety • Hacker News Board

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#121

Post by javier2 » Fri, Nov 25, 2016, 9:55 PM UTC

sp00ls wrote: post #75

benibela wrote: post #36

I have holes in a few of my clothes. Today I went to a shop selling needles/yarn/wool/.., so I could fix them. I arrived at the shop, was too anxious to enter and left again. Guess the holes will have to stay.

I have done something similar. Go to the mall because I need clothes, walk in the door, do a lap around the store, walk out and go home. I know it is ridiculous but in my head it just feels like everyone is watching me, judging me based on what I am looking at. So I just don't even look at anything. I know that isn't true when I'm sitting at home but the second I arrive the anxiety kicks into high gear. It is very fr…

Hey, this is me as well. Just keep going and eventually the anxiety wears off and you can actually look at clothes. I am sorry :-(

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#122

Post by graycat » Fri, Nov 25, 2016, 9:58 PM UTC

extra88 wrote: post #97

throwaway-hn123 wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Brave decision indeed, at least form his side, hope he doesn't catch that horrible illness too. Why is it a brave decision? Do you actually think anxiety disorder is an infectious disease?

Do you think anxiety disorder is genetic and can't be acquired from one's circumstances and environment, an environment that includes someone demonstrating how to be anxious?

So, you are addressing the old, often challenging issue of separating nature and nurture.

Well, suppose a mother has genetic anxiety disease and consider her daughter: Then the daughter likely has anxiety disease from both nature and nurture, that is, from both her mother's genes and her mother's behavior.

E.g., both the mother and daughter can have social phobia and, then, commonly, when planning the social aspects of a trip to the grocery store have her brain burn glucose at a faster rate than anyone has yet thinking about, say, general relativity or P = NP. E.g., when making salad dressing, don't use wine vinegar because wine on the label that might generate rumors in the community, school board, and church that the woman is an alcoholic -- it wish that was a joke or exaggeration, but it wasn't .

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#123

Post by javier2 » Fri, Nov 25, 2016, 9:58 PM UTC

whatever_dude wrote: post #114

sp00ls wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have done something similar. Go to the mall because I need clothes, walk in the door, do a lap around the store, walk out and go home. I know it is ridiculous but in my head it just feels like everyone is watching me, judging me based on what I am looking at. So I just don't even look at anything. I know that isn't true when I'm sitting at home but the second I arrive the anxiety kicks into high gear. It is very fr…

You're describing me. I've always had an extremely hard time buying clothes or shoes because of that. It'd take me many years to actually go and do it, only when I really really needed it. One day I had to do it and I was so nervous while doing it that the salesgirl I was using stolen checks to do so. I've mostly overcome it in some strange ways. I moved to another country, with a foreign language, and as a result I…

Well damn, I did the exact same thing. But I still need to be well rested if I'm buying clothes or the anxiety might kick right back in. Sometimes it helps just sitting down and having a drink.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#124

Post by brookside » Fri, Nov 25, 2016, 9:59 PM UTC

washadjeffmad wrote: post #106

Sgt_Apone wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>But a depressed person often is a negative person, and moods can spread. That's pretty stereotypical. The happiest people on the outside can hide some pretty dark clouds on the inside; especially in a work environment where outward appearances are important. In fact, I would suggest that the majority that are depressed don't show any outwards signs to working colleagues.

I'm in the Robin Williams category of depressives. I know how desperate and tiring it is fighting off those causeless bouts, and so I try to make life as enriching as I can for people around me. It's my way of compensating for every relentless, hammering, baseless urge to die that I've survived alone over the years. It took a long time for me to get that people don't typically understand that it's more like hiding th…

We can be responsible for our depressions though. The CBT paradigm is that thoughts cause emotions, and if we change our thoughts (which we can have control over) our mood will shift. So there is some self-determination, I don't think the typical comparison with cancer is a good one. (Obviously you can give yourself cancer with behaviors like smoking, but once you have cancer you have little internal control to make it go away. Not so with depression.)

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#125

Post by hashmp » Fri, Nov 25, 2016, 10:22 PM UTC

physcab wrote: post #5

Thank you for writing this. When people talk about these issues it becomes easier and more acceptable to society and it helps lessen anxiety stigmas. As someone who suffers from anxiety and who regularly seeks therapy, I can say that the rituals that have helped me are: - Realizing that anxiety isn't who you are, but more like a disturbance that will pass - Eating, sleeping, exercising, and practicing mindfulness go…

"- Realizing that anxiety isn't who you are, but more like a disturbance that will pass"

Absolutely. Roll with it, it will pass, there is no question of this. Keep going, if you can, and wait for it to lift.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#126

Post by valuablevalve » Fri, Nov 25, 2016, 10:25 PM UTC

freehunter wrote: post #91

valuablevalve wrote: post #61

After a 10 year fight induced from stress, I can positively say that I'm free from it, just reading a page like this would have floored me 5 years ago. Some stuff I learned: - Stop* with coffee, for some reason tea does not the same thing to my body, coffee is like gasoline on the anxiety fire, I cant stress this point enough. - Stop* with nicotine, (almost) same as coffee - Stop* drinking, you need to stay strong 7…

>Start walking, at least 8km... dont walk when its dark outside, you need the sunlight. An 8km walk at a brisk walking pace is a little under an hour and a half (average 10k running times is about an hour). I get out of work at 5pm, and it's officially dark by 5:30pm. I agree with a lot of what you're saying, but this one is literally impossible for anyone in the northern latitudes (New York, Chicago, Seattle, London…

Yes, I know, I live far north where the sun sets early and comes up late, we also have harsh winters, so its a challenge.

But building muscles and stamina is critical for recovery and walking/workout is something almost everyone can do. Running is much much harder, it takes a heavier toll on the body and when starting out your more likely to get sick etc.

When you set the routine (takes a month), you will long for walk every day, everything seems to calm down allot during and after the walks.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#127

Post by nommm-nommm » Fri, Nov 25, 2016, 10:25 PM UTC

douche wrote: post #93

freehunter wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Start walking, at least 8km... dont walk when its dark outside, you need the sunlight. An 8km walk at a brisk walking pace is a little under an hour and a half (average 10k running times is about an hour). I get out of work at 5pm, and it's officially dark by 5:30pm. I agree with a lot of what you're saying, but this one is literally impossible for anyone in the northern latitudes (New York, Chicago, Seattle, London…

You can do it in the morning without too much trouble, if you can drag yourself out of bed. I get up around 6, and walk my dog 3-4 miles every morning between 6:30-7:30. This is a bit north of Boston, and it's already getting dark by 4:30 PM now, so afternoons are out. Whee, daylight savings time!

... unless you have to be to work at 7 like me.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#128

Post by valuablevalve » Fri, Nov 25, 2016, 10:27 PM UTC

Broken_Hippo wrote: post #95

valuablevalve wrote: post #61

After a 10 year fight induced from stress, I can positively say that I'm free from it, just reading a page like this would have floored me 5 years ago. Some stuff I learned: - Stop* with coffee, for some reason tea does not the same thing to my body, coffee is like gasoline on the anxiety fire, I cant stress this point enough. - Stop* with nicotine, (almost) same as coffee - Stop* drinking, you need to stay strong 7…

I'll second the walking when it is dark. I live in Norway. Tomorrow, the sun rises a bit after 9 and sets before 3. If you work first shift or office hours, you miss the light. This advice just isn't possible for some people. If you are finding that the season's darkness gets you, it is really a seperate issue. Vitamin D helps a lot of folks as does light therapy.

I know that in the real world, people have work to do, kids to fetch and all those things, but if you can, please try, its not just about the sunlight = Vitamin D, its also about the sensory input you get while walking, that is very soothing and distracting, everything calms down considerably during and after.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#129

Post by mistermann » Fri, Nov 25, 2016, 10:28 PM UTC

b1tr0t wrote: post #107

OK - I'll bite. I haven't seen anyone mention medications here but personally I use propranolol. Life. Changing. For the first while I took it every day as prescribed for my ET. 20mg. And as I experienced the first pill (effects kick in about 40 minutes after), I had this realization "wait a minute, this is what it must feel like to be a normal person"! That light bulb in itself was incredible. Before that, I hadn't…

> it was only after that I discovered the "off-label" anti-anxiety side-effects of beta blockers.

Could you possibly comment on the degree and characteristics (degree of moment, frequency, spiking under stressful situations) of your essential tremor, as well as offer any additional depth on off-label treatments?

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#130

Post by valuablevalve » Fri, Nov 25, 2016, 10:31 PM UTC

extra88 wrote: post #94

valuablevalve wrote: post #61

After a 10 year fight induced from stress, I can positively say that I'm free from it, just reading a page like this would have floored me 5 years ago. Some stuff I learned: - Stop* with coffee, for some reason tea does not the same thing to my body, coffee is like gasoline on the anxiety fire, I cant stress this point enough. - Stop* with nicotine, (almost) same as coffee - Stop* drinking, you need to stay strong 7…

> Start walking, at least 8km during weekdays day, in brisk pace, you should have to take a shower after. After each walk, do a workout, pushups, chins etc. Make this a priority, and dont walk when its dark outside, you need the sunlight. That's over 90 minutes walking every weekday plus time for the workout and clean-up after. Difficult to make time for and rather unpleasant in rain, bitter cold, and/or snow. There'…

I'm fully aware of this, I just had to get back to life before it all gone and this is what I did, it may not be the right thing for everybody, but I sincerely think that particular the training, being out during the day, strengthening my body, is what that final got me back on track.

Its like reaching a threshold when everything is "snowballing" in the right direction.