121–130 of 148 posts
Lately I climbed the tree, watched the sky and hills from the top, washed in the cold mountain brook. And I was grateful for every minute of my time.
It basically says that the concept happiness as we think of it is really two things, the "experiential self", which is happy when we're snowboarding or whatever, and the remembering self, which is happy when we're deploying some code that's going to take over the world or whatnot.
It seems to me, from observation, that unless you are the rare .01 percent who really, really, gets paid well to do the things you want, (I'm not counting Tim Ferris types- that's just a hack) that life is a dissapointment, and at some point you just get over it and live your life and try not to stress out too much about your remembering self, and try to pay some attention to your experiential self. Or, that is to say, that at a certain point, people stop worrying so much about their remembering self's expectations of their future memories... err, that is to say that it's not that you want to be happy, it's that you have an expectation to be satisfied at a later time with your choices and actions. And then at some point you have to change those expectations.
This may sound like pyscho-babble at this point, but it really gets to something I've been thinking a lot about lately, namely "am I happy?". Should the question be... "am I satisfied with my life?" or... "am I having fun?"... well, this concept of the two selves really helps defines what you mean when you talk about happy.
Of course, completely satisfying one self or another isn't a solution, but generally I feel enlightened for having been exposed to this concept.
When I get into a funk, I travel. It always snaps me out of it. How much are you spending per month, in what country? Because it's actually cheaper, including airfare, to live for a couple months in somewhere inexpensive. You can live an extremely nice in Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand for between $150 and $500 per month. It's $5 a night for a crummy room, $10 for a pretty nice room, $1 per meal for decent local food,…
Propose, then ask your finace to take a three-month leave of absence from her job so you both can volunteer in a developing nation.
Use idealist.org or a similar website to find a location and organization that appeals to both of you. Then spend 3 months helping, learning, and "resetting".
There are a few reasons why volunteering is like "travel++"
1. You can take time off from work. It's almost impossible for a company/manager to deny a request to volunteer overseas. Denying that request is like saying "No, our widget factory is more important than {poverty|famine|oppression}" and there is massive social stigma that prevents that from happening. Both of you will be able to take the time off. Yes, this is a travel hack.
2. You need three months in a place to really experience it.
3. Helping others is one of the oldest, and most universal, ways to produce happiness. It's like a nuclear power plant for self-fulfillment.
4. Seeing poverty up-close will annihilate any Westerner's malaise. It's suddenly very, very hard to get into a funk about your career when you're watching a family live on $2/day.
Normally I would add the "YMMV" disclaimer, but I think you will find that this prescription has a 100% success rate. Everyone I know who's spent time volunteering overseas describes it as a life-altering experience.
Read the War of Art by Stephen Pressman. He puts a name to this beast and calls it resistance. Most of us have gone through it. He openly discusses it and talks about the battles against it.
Also has a blog: http://blog.stevenpressfield.com/
The Writing Wednesday section contains the pieces related to resistance.
"I am going to make an appointment with a psychologist" Make the appointment tomorrow morning! The people here not advocating seeking professional help, are the same people who have never received help. Trust me, seeing a psychologist is the single best thing you can do. If you had a physical illness, this type of question would not even be asked, mental health problems are just as serious and should be treated that…
Because their practice is based on the scientific method, competent doctors are interchangeable - they measure the established diagnostic criteria and prescribe the standard treatment. Psychologists do not use the scientific method (for the most part). The illnesses are poorly defined, the treatments even worse, and there are few established standards.
Now, that's not to say the op shouldn't go to one. It might be useful. I'm just disputing the idea of parity between doctors and psychologists.
His book is about this state, and about how to reach happiness in general. The key point is not only to depend on happiness as told by external people (e.g. parents, girlfriend, government, boss) but also create your own triggers. It might be making music, looking at a sunset, etc. In other words: be in control of your own happiness.
That being said, I think it's wise to see a professional. Ultimately, you'll have to do it by yourself, but they can help you get back on track and provide guidance and pointers. After all, it's their job.
Good luck!
- overseas travel (go to a completely different culture than your own) - exercise (even just going for a walk round the local park while listening to some music) - de-clutter (this is really, really beneficial - I've just moved house and the feeling of throwing out years of accumulated crap was fantastic) - socialise with some new people
Finally, be wary of books and seminars, etc - sometimes I find if someone is so completely off the scale in terms of achievement rather than motivating me it has the opposite effect. Don't be afraid to stop reading/leave an event if you find you're not getting energised by it.
A good book that's easy to read is The Magic Of Thinking Big. Nice, simple advice and a good pick-me-up. It's full of common sense and useful steps you can take to get re-energised.
Finally, I just want to echo what others have said: there's no rush; don't pressure yourself. There's a great quote on PG's website... "Your twenties are always an apprenticeship, but you don’t always know what for."
Good luck.
My situation was also something similar, but not quiet the same. I live in India with relatively simpler life style, and had a high paying job, but I always felt something was lacking in my life and was not happy (i don't think i felt depressed.) What I did was: I quit the job and went back to my college and asked my professor to let me stay in the college for some time. I had some savings that i can live by for an y…
I would like to do what you did, though :) sounds like a good idea.
Try Ayahuasca. Its legal 100%, you can get components on ebay.com. Motivation guaranteed. Watch The Blueprint by Real Social Dynamics - how to get girls. Listen to some good trance music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkITM2UIYoU Read Tim Ferris book "Four Hour Work Week"
You seem like the type to think of these chemicals as a sort of cure-all, even though they aren't relevant, or practical, to asym's concerns.
When I get into a funk, I travel. It always snaps me out of it. How much are you spending per month, in what country? Because it's actually cheaper, including airfare, to live for a couple months in somewhere inexpensive. You can live an extremely nice in Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand for between $150 and $500 per month. It's $5 a night for a crummy room, $10 for a pretty nice room, $1 per meal for decent local food,…
"long-term girlfriend (hopefully soon fiance)" Propose, then ask your finace to take a three-month leave of absence from her job so you both can volunteer in a developing nation. Use idealist.org or a similar website to find a location and organization that appeals to both of you. Then spend 3 months helping, learning, and "resetting". There are a few reasons why volunteering is like "travel++" 1. You can take time o…