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Loneliness Is a Warning Sign to Be Social

nautil.us

121–122 of 122 posts

Re: Loneliness Is a Warning Sign to Be Social

#121

As I've gotten older I've become more and more picky about who I want to spend time with. It used to be, when I was a lot younger, that I would be pretty indiscriminate: as long as someone wanted to spend time with me, and they were nice enough, and we could find something to do together that we enjoyed, like watching a movie, playing a game, or just hang out and talk about something (usually meaningless), that would…

A long (85 minute) David Foster Wallace interview from 2003. He talks about the manic state of a media-saturated society in which solitude is perceived as almost a pathology (or perhaps not even "almost"). Rather Brave New World -ish , actually. I think the relevant parts are toward the beginning. Full thing's worth listening to, several times. Or you could just read Infinite Jest . https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FkxU…

I love David Foster Wallace's perspective. And yet he is a victim of his own marked perceptiveness. Simply by believing solitude is pathology indicates the troubling demons he grappled with, which ultimately consumed him.

I think the truth is much more simple. Most people are not highly critical of introverts that prefer quiet and solitude. They may not understand it, but they are mostly indifferent. However, the harsh struggle for the introvert to connect with others on a deeper level leads him/her to that conclusion.

Re: Loneliness Is a Warning Sign to Be Social

#122

I moved into an apartment alone about a year ago now. I absolutely delight living alone and being by myself in a way that I didn't think was possible. I was worried that I'd be lonely and miserable, but I'm not. Sometimes I want some company, but usually I'm content to spend time alone reading or coding or, hell, just thinking.

As one of the quotes indicates: "If individuals perceive loneliness as a stressor, their body may be adapting by helping this individual get up and go." The solution is to not allow outside influences to trick you into thinking you are lonely. Once you think you are lonely then it will spiral and spiral in the mind until it gets out of control (a stressor). So, solitude is fine provided you don't buy into the lonelin…

Agreed. As a millennial introvert, most of my friends are extroverted, active, and heavy users of social media. I also live in Denver, CO where most people are hiking, rafting, camping, skiing, snowshoeing, etc. For a while, the culture had me convinced that I was an oddball because I was not as extroverted and active as the people around me. This let it grow into a stressor for me.

After many years, I am starting to show more acceptance towards my nature. Once I began to believe in the merits of my introversion, the stress started to melt away. Loneliness is only a problem if you believe it to be true.

Unfortunately, this article is more likely to perpetuate the stress from loneliness with its disparaging attitude towards it.

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