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Being alone

jessepollak.me

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Re: Being alone

#111

Post by Tehnix »

tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

Why? or are you stating that social interactions have nothing to do with race, gender and sexuality? 'Cause then you and I simply do not live in the same world...

As much as we all do want racism etc to go away, prejudices are a very real thing. The preface is relevant to his story.

Re: Being alone

#112

Post by phillmv »

sp332 wrote: post #105
phillmv wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, by your own metaphor on _average_ society would come out the same, by definition. (I suspect you meant median). As a result, it sounds like you're saying "screw you, I got mine". We can flip the question around: why does this majority deserve better opportunities? There aren't very good answers to that question. The main thing I'd point out is that unlike your metaphor society is not a zero-sum game.

Well, by your own metaphor on _average_ society would come out the same, by definition. No, if you make things worse for 90% of the population, and make it better for 10% of the population, the total is worse and therefore the average (mean) is worse. Edit: an example. Let's say the first 9 people rate society at 10 points, and the last one rates it a 4. Total 94, mean 9.4, median 10. Now change things around so ever…

Why is the total going down in the after picture? Because our points only belong to the set of natural numbers ;)?

We're assuming in this totally contrived example that points are a measure of total resources + opportunity in our closed system, since we're implying a redistribution of a fixed pool of resources^1.

So, the total in the "after" picture would still be 94 and thus the mean would remain at 9.4 and the median would be 9.4 - (and down from 10).

I'm not a fan of arguing from averages - realistically, the picture is more like 1 - 1000pts, 2 - 100pts, 3-50pts, 4-30pts, 5, 6-7 - 20pts, 8-10 10pts

~ 1270 total, avg 127, median 20.

But these are all contrived examples (in the above I'm more leaning on income distribution, which I've reproduced from memory and may be skewed). If we equalize the above, the median would go up.

The argument for redistribution can be made on an economic/statistical basis - but the argument for equality, I think, is ultimately moral. It's not about fairness per se, but about justice.

^1 Not quite my stance but for the sake of argument.

Re: Being alone

#113

Post by thwest »

md224 wrote: post #100
spindritf wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Oh, good. It's not just me. > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege This is crazy, intellectually debilitating blabber. And just wrong on a blog[1]. We already allowed lawyers and CYA politicians to slap warning labels on everything (despite the fact that it's counter-productive[2]). Are we now going to put disclaimers on private blogs? Or is it li…

> This is crazy, intellectually debilitating blabber. Would you care to elaborate on what's crazy and intellectually debilitating about the sentence you quoted? I know people that would agree completely with that sentence, so I'd be curious to hear your perspective and why you feel it's wrong.

Perhaps the concepts of gender and race are so foreign that it is literally difficult to think about and therefore "debilitating".

Re: Being alone

#114

Post by saraid216 »

sdfjkl wrote: post #93
ibejoeb wrote: post #16

> I might stand in a corner by myself staring awkwardly at my phone Word of advice to anyone who might be anxious going out alone: don't bring your phone. If you're just going to distract yourself with it because you feel less awkward, you might as well stay home, because you're depriving yourself of the opportunity to notice what's going on. If you just go and actually pay attention, there will be opportunities to p…

I'd probably need my phone just to be able to find the place.

So turn it off and stow it when you get there.

Re: Being alone

#115

Post by sp332 »

phillmv wrote: post #112
sp332 wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, by your own metaphor on _average_ society would come out the same, by definition. No, if you make things worse for 90% of the population, and make it better for 10% of the population, the total is worse and therefore the average (mean) is worse. Edit: an example. Let's say the first 9 people rate society at 10 points, and the last one rates it a 4. Total 94, mean 9.4, median 10. Now change things around so ever…

Why is the total going down in the after picture? Because our points only belong to the set of natural numbers ;)? We're assuming in this totally contrived example that points are a measure of total resources + opportunity in our closed system, since we're implying a redistribution of a fixed pool of resources^1. So, the total in the "after" picture would still be 94 and thus the mean would remain at 9.4 and the medi…

Oh, I see! I wasn't really considering a zero-sum situation. In the argument from justice, you think it's a moral mandate to take money away from people because other people have less money?

Re: Being alone

#116

Post by lemonberry »

replicatorblog wrote: post #103
lemonberry wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do yourself a favor and visit Portsmouth, NH after you are acclimated to Boston or just need a reprieve from big city life. It's a smallish city with a great bar and restaurant scene. If you are into history there are also some wonderful opportunities to explore as well. Be warned, however, New Englander's can come off cold compared to people from other parts of the country. We make great friends but it takes awhile…

Are you based in Portsmouth? I'm a fellow Granite State techie, always excited to hear of others!

I live in Wakefield but have worked in Portsmouth for a long time and spend most of my time there. Just breaking into the tech sector now. I'm a big fan of New Hampshire and New England in general.

Re: Being alone

#117

Post by theorique »

sblawrie wrote: post #108
jyrkesh wrote: post #70

Can't really comment on the startup side of things seeing as I'm still in university, but having recently done an internship in a town where I knew no one and going back to school and moving into a place with no roommates for the first time, I've been forced into environments where absolutely no one is encouraging me to go out or meet people or have fun. It's unbelievably easy to stay in and watch Netflix, have a cou…

'One of the most interesting things I've noticed, though, is the reaction others have when I tell them I go to parties or bars by myself (or even to dinner or to movies alone). They're taken aback, and they almost try to marginalize you as some sort of loner.' I've actually had the opposite experience. Sometimes I'll go to bars by myself just to hit on girls. When your friends aren't around to watch, it reduces the d…

Usually, if it's going well, I'll tell her I'm there by myself, and they tend to be impressed I had the confidence to go out by myself and approach them.

Absolutely. People follow your lead.

If your manner suggests that you're ashamed of what you're doing, or that you think you're doing something 'wrong' or 'awkward', they will believe that.

If your manner suggests that you're engaged in the most normal activity in the world - being friendly as a human being, going out and interacting with other human beings - then you will put others at ease and they will be comfortable and friendly around you.

Now, that's not to say that everyone will think it's normal. But that's OK - people who find your behavior objectionable or 'strange' are probably not a very good fit as a friend or a lover.

Re: Being alone

#118

Post by jabbernotty »

smacktoward wrote: post #97
fotbr wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People (in general) don't like OTHER people doing that. They assume that the person going solo is lonely, sad, and is generally someone to be pitied, mocked, or both. The stigma is not attached by the people going solo, it's attached by everyone else.

Assuming that's true -- so what? Who cares what a bunch of people you'll never see or talk to again in your life think about you? It's like Eleanor Roosevelt said (more or less: http://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/03/30/not-inferior/ ): "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Not doing something you want to do because "they'll all laugh at me" is you giving your consent to being made to feel inferior.…

> Their opinion only matters because you make it matter, by caring about it enough to let it stop you from doing something you want to do.

I disagree. If enough people in your community say that you are unwanted, you will become unwanted.

Re: Being alone

#119

Post by thwest »

sp332 wrote: post #94
king_jester wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> What is the argument for making things harder for the majority, to equalize things for the minority? Nobody is arguing to make things harder or worse for those with privilege. Generally people are asking for equal consideration and opportunity and a recognition of past and existing injustice.

Well you may not be, but many people are.

Show me where people are advocating anti-white and anti-cis policies.

Re: Being alone

#120

Post by lemonberry »

Good for you for breaking out of your comfort zone. It's not easy to do. But with practice just about anything gets easier. I'm naturally very social and "good with people" so this is rarely a problem I experience. I have, however, coached friends on interacting with others. A few points to consider for anyone that finds social interactions difficult: 1. breathe - sounds so obvious, but people tense up 2. listen 2. ask questions of others and be interested 3. listen 4. humility - don't try to impress everyone

Again, nice work for getting out there.

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