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Hug vs. Handshake

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Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#111

Post by LargeWu »

JonnieCache wrote: post #34

I'm more concerned about the strength of handshakes. I have a bias against anyone who actively squeezes my hand with anything beyond a simple, firm grasp. It comes across as macho, like you've got something to prove, and therefore untrustworthy. I'd like to point out here that I'm admitting a bias rather than expressing an opinion. EDIT: at least now I'm approaching something resembling adulthood I don't have the pro…

One trick I've learned to avoid getting your hand crushed: instead of keeping your index finger connected to your middle finger, extend it along the other person's wrist. It gives your hand a stronger shape, and it's harder for the other person to grab your fingers.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#112

Post by claudius »

ricardobeat wrote: post #106
twrkit wrote: post #90

must be a slow news day, this got picked up by beatabeat: http://betabeat.com/2013/05/to-hug-or-not-to-hug-hacker-news...

A news vehicle writing an article solely to poke fun at a niche online community. 21st century Journalism...

At least now we all know that people saying that HN turns into Reddit are not actually complaining, but complimenting on the improvements!

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#114

Post by gyom »

Tangaroa wrote: post #86

Hugs are sexual harassment. Any unrequested contact with the opposite sex is cause for immediate termination (or expulsion if you're still in school) and may lead to criminal charges. Different cultures are different, but this is the standard drill repeated from elementary school onward through workplace policies in my part of the US. People routinely ignore it without punishment, but it's there hanging over the head…

The "harassment" component for sexual harassment is as much a requirement as the "sexual" part.

If someone asks for a hug and you don't want it, you can offer the handshake and just wait. The next time around, they probably won't offer the hug, but if they do you can do the same thing over. Nobody will seriously judge you for being a "handshaker and not a hugger".

As for doing some kind of predatory hugging, then yeah, it's obviously not cool, but I don't think any male could pull it off on a female without paying the social price.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#115

Post by patrickmay »

Cieplak wrote: post #32

I think the decision to hug or shake depends more on the body language in the context of the situation, than it does on the nature of a given relationship. Even if someone is not an investor or manager, it would not be appropriate to hug him or her if their body language was closed off.

"I think the decision to hug or shake...."

Two great greetings that go great together!

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#116

Post by migueldiab »

I am a 32 year old male from South America... here a handshake is way to formal for most interactions... For example... You go out with 2 friends for a beer... they bring a 3rd friend you don't really know... it's ok to shake his hand, but if you kiss him, nobody will be offended...

Scenario 2 : You are at a birthday party/after office/whatever social gathering, and you are presented a person from the opposite sex DO NOT shake his/her hand... That is as rude as you can get, what are you afraid of?

Scenario 3 : You go to your girlfriends house, and are introduced to his father, you shake his hand, because you ate trying to show respect. After the first few visits, you will most likely kiss him hello/goodbye

Also, in Latin America we do 1 kiss mostly, in Brazil 2 kisses are the norm, some other places are up to 3...

So I believe no matter what happens, try to talk about it, stay open, and remember that awkwardness tends to go away the minute you say "I'm sorry, that was awkward, was I supposed to kiss or shake?"

Cheers everybody,

mike out.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#118

Post by patrickmay »

imsofuture wrote: post #93
Tangaroa wrote: post #86

Hugs are sexual harassment. Any unrequested contact with the opposite sex is cause for immediate termination (or expulsion if you're still in school) and may lead to criminal charges. Different cultures are different, but this is the standard drill repeated from elementary school onward through workplace policies in my part of the US. People routinely ignore it without punishment, but it's there hanging over the head…

Hugs are sexual harassment. That's just not true. A hug could be sexual harassment, but so could a really dirty handshake. Let's not live in a world where we're scared of normal interaction.

I now have a strong desire to shake your hand.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#119

Post by gknoy »

ricardobeat wrote: post #100
danielrm26 wrote: post #79

Would you hug Hilary Clinton if you’ve met her on two or three different occasions? Of course not. And it’s the same for the female CEO of a major bank. So then, why would you hug a female work associate that you’ve only met twice? Answer: you don’t hug Mrs. Clinton or the female CEO because you respect them too much. Now, notice that this is how men treat ALL males. http://danielmiessler.com/blog/on-hugs-vs-handshak…

Your feelings probably come from the idea that "Men don’t do this with other men". They do, just not in your social group or culture. It's not disrespectful; if you don't really know each other it's awkward at worst. Simple test: would you go get coffee with this person, with no business interests? Yes) Hug for men, hug+cheek-kiss for women, No) Hand-shake. Disclaimer: I'm from Brazil.

Your "would you get coffee with no business interests" test is a neat way to think about it. Thanks! I know I definitely would hug my best friends, but would not hug my coworkers.

In a sense, it's like the German distinction between friends and acquaintances: friends are a rare treasure, whereas in America we seem to consider just about everyone friends.

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