Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The Lethality of Loneliness

newrepublic.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

111–120 of 166 posts

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#111

Post by marshray »

I thought the part about gay men in-the-closet was interesting:

> the closeted man must police every piece of information known about him, live in constant terror of exposure or blackmail, and impose sharp limits on intimacy, or at least friendship

This phrase "police every piece of information known about him" would seem to apply to everyone who wishes to retain even a baseline level of online privacy in spite of the mega-entities seeking to acquire aggregate every possible scrap of online information.

:-O

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#112

Post by passthesalt »

I do get a good dose of intimacy from online conversations with closes friends, and they do not even have to be in the same continent. In my country, kids in their teens (maybe even 20s) can't imagine a world without the internet (i.e. Facebook and Google). The internet is just that pervasive.

I'd really like to see a study on the effect online social networks have on our collective mental health. My gut feel is that social networks are a positive thing. I'm just happy that I will be able to maintain a certain level of intimacy with friends when I'm older and less mobile.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#113

Post by jodrellblank »

breakupapp wrote: post #104
jodrellblank wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sometimes, with Omegle and clones, you get a good, intimate, one to one connection with a basically-anonymous complete stranger. And it's great, a real mood lifter. It just doesn't happen at all often. Perhaps there's a way to adjust that kind of site design to make them more successful at that kind of connection?

Do you meet good people on Omegle?

Subjectively, yes.

I tend to find echoes of myself, so perhaps no good if you're looking for a life-of-the-party person.

The time investment to return ratio is abysmal, but the good connections happen. This week I had a 3-4 hour conversation (text) with someone. That affects my mood for a day or two afterwards; it's the kind of social interaction I ought to get in real life, but actually don't.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#114

Post by anaon12 »

DenisM wrote: post #109
anaon12 wrote: post #97

I'm probably entering the most lonely stage of my life at the moment, having my 3rd alcohol related arrest has really pushed me further down the hole. Despite all of my legal problems, I'm still holding down the same job, but I feel at my age I've really done myself in. Obviously booze is a problem of which I've completely eradicated from my life over the past 2 months. The really sad part is I'm well adjusted otherw…

1. Your subjective view of your own situation is very negative - "done myself in", "a life of doom" etc. 2. At the same time your situation is objectively good - you have a good profession and a good job, you're not complaining about health problems other than alcohol dependency, and you kicked the alcohol for two months now. Even if you went to jail you're out free now. The whole life is in front of you. Given the o…

Thanks for the reply. The PI charge can be expunged next year so really I'll only have the 2 duis (one of which is ongoing but the nature of DUI laws its pretty much going to end up a conviction). Even before the first sight of legal trouble I was considering therapy but ive been afraid of being subscribed medication that may disconnect me even further or the social stigmatism of needing mental health help. Having your reply though has offered a much needed outside opinion.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#115

Post by anaon12 »

Skoofoo wrote: post #105
anaon12 wrote: post #97

I'm probably entering the most lonely stage of my life at the moment, having my 3rd alcohol related arrest has really pushed me further down the hole. Despite all of my legal problems, I'm still holding down the same job, but I feel at my age I've really done myself in. Obviously booze is a problem of which I've completely eradicated from my life over the past 2 months. The really sad part is I'm well adjusted otherw…

> I feel I'm trapped now by my past and I'm really out of options to socialize on any meaningful level. What's stopping you from socializing?

I just feel as part of being close with someone they should know I've had some problems, and in my experience most people would write me off at that point as there are plenty of others out there who are free and clear.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#116

Post by Mz »

DLwdTxdU6smHQA wrote: post #96
Mz wrote: post #89

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was STAR student, national merit scholarship winner, etc and also an abused child who attempted suicide at age 17, which was treated at school like I was an embarrassment and fuck-up rather than being met with concern. I walked away from the limelight and chose a quieter life. I am 47 and (obviously) still alive. Many years later, I also went through lengthy withdrawal from medication rather publically (online). Ag…

Is there anything positive for you about being in the public with your story? If it were all negative, why continue with it? edit: this might sound judicial, which is not what i intend. What I want to say is: you do continue to be in the public - what is your motivation to do so?

Yes, there have been positives and continue to be positives. I don't really think I owe you an explanation or justification for my participation here, assuming that is what you are refering to. I currently get a lot less attention (generally) than I used to. I am okay with that changing, but the circus that used to follow me around is substantially quieter.

Could you clarify a) why you are asking and b) where this remark is really coming from since it does not sound to me like it is about just the specific statement I made above.

Thanks.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#117

Post by Mz »

anaon12 wrote: post #115
Skoofoo wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I feel I'm trapped now by my past and I'm really out of options to socialize on any meaningful level. What's stopping you from socializing?

I just feel as part of being close with someone they should know I've had some problems, and in my experience most people would write me off at that point as there are plenty of others out there who are free and clear.

I think you should reconsider that position. I don't know anyone who lacks baggage. It mostly varies by type and color. That doesn't mean you shouldn't work on your issues. But, really, everyone has crap in their life of some sort, and they still need people. Of course, alone time can have its benefits, if you prefer that.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#118

Post by warfangle »

VLM wrote: post #59
oftenwrong wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Get a pet.

You are 100% correct in that before my dog died of stomach cancer some years back, I could not walk him down the street without massive attention from pretty much everyone. Note this was a cute Sheltie essentially a miniature hyperactive "Lassie" not a raging pit bull, which might be relevant to discussion. Aside from street encounters there's a whole "dog subculture" of agility training, which my dog was completely…

Please discontinue the stereotype that pitbulls are raging. :(

Up until they became a favorite in a bad scene, they were known as nanny dogs. If you get them young and from a non-abusive context and train them well, they're absolutely adoring.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#119

Post by afterburner »

Mz wrote: post #116
DLwdTxdU6smHQA wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is there anything positive for you about being in the public with your story? If it were all negative, why continue with it? edit: this might sound judicial, which is not what i intend. What I want to say is: you do continue to be in the public - what is your motivation to do so?

Yes, there have been positives and continue to be positives. I don't really think I owe you an explanation or justification for my participation here, assuming that is what you are refering to. I currently get a lot less attention (generally) than I used to. I am okay with that changing, but the circus that used to follow me around is substantially quieter. Could you clarify a) why you are asking and b) where this re…

Maybe he was referring to your blog rather than your comments here.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#120

Post by Mz »

afterburner wrote: post #119
Mz wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, there have been positives and continue to be positives. I don't really think I owe you an explanation or justification for my participation here, assuming that is what you are refering to. I currently get a lot less attention (generally) than I used to. I am okay with that changing, but the circus that used to follow me around is substantially quieter. Could you clarify a) why you are asking and b) where this re…

Maybe he was referring to your blog rather than your comments here.

I have several websites. They get a really piddling amount of traffic, more than they used to but really, really piddling. I don't really think of that as significant public exposure. And I would prefer the OP clarify. I can make wild guesses of my own.

Thanks.

Post reply on HN