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I love you, dad

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Re: I love you, dad

#111

Post by X-Istence »

edw519 wrote: post #45

Notch, if you're reading this, my deepest sympathy. I understand the devastation of losing a parent; I lost my mother about a year ago. I'm still not "back to normal" and don't know if I ever will be. I used to do art, music, and comedy, and even practiced my religion, often just for her. I loved to make her laugh and it was so easy to make her proud. In the past year, I have done none of that stuff and don't know wh…

My mom passed away when I was 10, 14 years ago now (she was 37, brain aneurism, even if the docs had known nothing could have been done to prevent it), and I know that it affected me, and it has affected what I do. What is considered normal though? After 14 years I still miss her, I still think about her, and even-though I am not religious and logically I know she is no longer here, and can't feel or see the things I do, I do hope she is proud of me.

In all honesty there really is no "normal", you attempt to go on with your life, the reminders become less and less yet at times you will look at something and instantly have a flash back.

I wish you the best of luck, losing anyone close is terrible, so far I've been incredibly lucky that I still have my grandparents on both side of the family, and my dad, and my three younger siblings, and that we've all shared the same experience makes it easier to slowly attempt to move on.

Re: I love you, dad

#113

Post by phaus »

I've had the misfortune of personally knowing at least 3 people who have killed themselves while mixing medication with alcohol. One of them was on antidepressants, but the other two weren't being treated for any sort of mental condition.

There seems to be an awful lot of people out there who think the warning labels on medication are to be taken about as seriously as the tags on a mattress. I promise you, the warnings are there for a reason. You can be an otherwise perfectly happy person and end up shooting yourself in the face if you have a bad reaction. If you are taking any sort of medication that prohibits alcohol, please follow the directions. Your friends and family members don't want to read your obituary.

Re: I love you, dad

#114

Post by jevinskie »

dustismo wrote: post #47
redad wrote: post #2

My father has substance abuse problems too (alcohol dependency for 20 years) and it has destroyed his relationship with my siblings and my mother, he's going to lose what little he has left very soon and I genuinely fear he's going to do something very similar to what is mentioned here. I am the only child that will talk to him without contempt and I have long since left home. He lost his own father very recently and…

In order to help your addicted father you should consider first focusing on yourself. The stress and guilt of having an addicted loved one can affect your own mental health. Speak to an addiction specialist, they can help you formulate appropriate actions in dealing with your father, perhaps an intervention, perhaps something else. Al-Anon ( http://al-anon.alateen.org/ ) is a good resource.

This is a very good point. At one point in time I went to a therapist to discuss my family member's alcoholism in an attempt to get them help. The therapist gave me some good advice for my family member but also recommended that I seek therapy of my own. I did so for over half a year and it helped me work through issues relating to my relationship with my family member but also some anxiety issues of my own. If you are uncomfortable with the group setting of al-anon (as I was), you should really look into one-on-one counseling.

Re: I love you, dad

#115

Post by Klinky »

jacoblyles wrote: post #105
king_jester wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All this chart shows in an increase in the number of single mother households over time, particularly starting in the 1960s/1970s, in the United States. Whether or not you see that as sad depends on what you know of the living conditions women experienced in the time before that, conditions which gave rise the 2nd wave feminist movements. Suffice it to say the same underlying social and gender disparities existed pri…

As far as I am aware, children living with both parents do much better in life in a variety of metrics (income, criminality, academics, child poverty, and etc.). While easier divorce may have led to an increase in equality for women, it has also had an immense negative impact on children. Trade-offs exist, whether or not we choose to ignore them for ideological reasons. You are free to believe that the modern world i…

My mother's father was alcoholic, my father was alcoholic. These issues had nothing to do with the availability of divorce. I highly doubt it would have assisted my mother or I if my grandmother and my mother were not allowed to divorce.

It is apples and oranges to compare today's society with the societies of past, and not so easy to arrive at solid conclusions regarding the impacts and costs of changes in social values.

Re: I love you, dad

#116

Post by ColinWright »

[deleted] wrote: post #107
ColinWright wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sorry, but you too are showing breath-taking ignorance and considerable lack of sensitivity and tact, even with the clues staring you in the face. Let me be just a little more blunt - it's not only the case that for some people having children is not easy, but in addition, it's a big deal that they CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN. Now, have you got the point?

[deleted]

Salt, meet wound. Thanks.

Re: I love you, dad

#118

Post by gruseom »

[deleted] wrote: post #107
ColinWright wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sorry, but you too are showing breath-taking ignorance and considerable lack of sensitivity and tact, even with the clues staring you in the face. Let me be just a little more blunt - it's not only the case that for some people having children is not easy, but in addition, it's a big deal that they CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN. Now, have you got the point?

[deleted]

It sounded to me like Colin was talking about something that has affected him or someone he cares about personally. In such cases, a technical or pedantic reply is at best beside the point, and at worst pours salt on a wound.

My sister- and brother-in-law tried for years to have a child. Finally they adopted an infant, only to have her die a couple of months after she was born. A person facing something like that does not care about "impoverishing the English language".

Re: I love you, dad

#119

Post by jacoblyles »

Klinky wrote: post #115
jacoblyles wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As far as I am aware, children living with both parents do much better in life in a variety of metrics (income, criminality, academics, child poverty, and etc.). While easier divorce may have led to an increase in equality for women, it has also had an immense negative impact on children. Trade-offs exist, whether or not we choose to ignore them for ideological reasons. You are free to believe that the modern world i…

My mother's father was alcoholic, my father was alcoholic. These issues had nothing to do with the availability of divorce. I highly doubt it would have assisted my mother or I if my grandmother and my mother were not allowed to divorce. It is apples and oranges to compare today's society with the societies of past, and not so easy to arrive at solid conclusions regarding the impacts and costs of changes in social va…

I'm sorry for your personal difficulties, but I try not to base my personal worldview on anecdotes.

I agree with you that these are difficult issues with large accounts on both sides of the ledger. In fact, that is kind of my point.

Re: I love you, dad

#120

Post by gruseom »

[deleted] wrote: post #117
ColinWright wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Salt, meet wound. Thanks.

[deleted]

Now I'm angry. You're not the least bit sorry for his personal difficulties (as telegraphed by your telltale use of the word "but"). If you were, you wouldn't respond to them with pointless pedestrian claptrap. All you've done is show your own incapacity for empathy.

Colin, please accept my apology on this guy's behalf.

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