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When do we become adults, really?

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Re: When do we become adults, really?

#111

Post by mmooss »

antuneza wrote: post #22

You become adult when your parents die

When a relative in the generation before me lost the last person in the generation before them, they surprised me by saying, 'I'm all alone now; it's just me'. There were no parents, aunts/uncles, etc. to advise them, support them, guide them. They faced the wilderness on their own.

Another way of looking at it is, when you switch roles with your parents, and you become their caregiver, their source of strength, their guide through the world. When they can no longer help you. One example is the Godfather, when Al Pacino's character starts caring for Marlon Brando's.

(Other commenters are taking this idea far too literally, looking for exceptions.)

Re: When do we become adults, really?

#112

Post by bdangubic »

WalterBright wrote: post #93
bdangubic wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

yea I would rather have the insane amounts of money I pay in taxes go to department of defense and I’ll spend X% of my income to pay for my own insurance - totally makes me feel like an adult each 1st of the month when the payment is processed. this is what makes america unique, there are no adults living anywhere else in the universe, just us :)

The problem with the defense budget is if it wasn't enough, losing a war would be far more costly. The pragmatic thing is to overspend on defense, because one doesn't really know where the "enough" is. I've paid for my own health insurance ever since I became an adult. If you don't have an HSA (Health Savings Account), consider setting one up. It's a very good deal. I remember the day I phoned my dad and told him I d…

> losing a war would be far more costly

we won a war since WW II??

also if you want to live in free market society and you live in the USA you may want to consider moving

Re: When do we become adults, really?

#113

Post by avadodin »

em-bee wrote: post #108
sethammons wrote: post #51

I have been a parent since I was 15. Officially married and moved on our own at 19. Graduated from the university at 22. Struggled hard-core until about 30 when my career changed and finally kicked off. My wife became an at home mom for our now three kids. It was my 40s when I realized, "oh, others see me as the adult in the room." I joke and say, "i have always been in my 30s," but I do feel a change recently. Very…

may i ask which country/culture you are from? how did you experience becoming a parent so early? coming from europe i find that having kids so early is really looked down upon, but then i moved to china and found that people there get married much earlier than i am used to. but chinese culture has a great support system. having children in your 20s means that grandparents are in their 40s and 50s, and they help you r…

I had a physics undergrad dad of a toddler as a roommate at my college dorm in Europe. Probably not as young as 15 but more like 16-17 when he had the child.

At the time it felt like culture shock to my own 17yo self —almost as much as the party creatures— but now I see it as the healthy life strategy that it is.

Re: When do we become adults, really?

#114

Post by rglover »

"If I don't take care of this, my family will suffer."

In other words: when you accept responsibility and become willing to do what's necessary to uphold your responsibilities (to your family, to yourself, and if you wish your community).

Re: When do we become adults, really?

#116

Post by justonceokay »

Tade0 wrote: post #110
justonceokay wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People learn this at different rates and for wildly different reasons. When I was out of college working at Amazon, I would be amazed that my colleagues seemed to lack skills like doing the laundry. But I got kicked out of my home at 18 and it was made abundantly clear from the age of 16 onward that this would be the case. Remaining a child is a luxury that I wish everyone can experience for as long as possible

I draw the line at the point when someone has a stable job that allows them to pay rent. I've seen people who basically had "two youths" and they were generally unhappy.

I’m interested in your experience. I injected a “second youth” into my life when I was around 30. I found myself having saved an incredible amount and as my above post implied I had my nose to the grindstone from 16-30. I spent a few years traveling the country, learned guitar and piano, went to massage school, produced music, had some brief affairs, worked at a beeswax candle factory, bartended, partied with drugs for the first time, and spent a whole summer making friends at the beach.

I learned so much about myself and the world and I wouldn’t be in the place I am today without my “second youth”. In a sense I gave myself the college social experience but I had an additional 10 years of wisdom to rely on (don’t follow the dealer to a second location, etc.)

Re: When do we become adults, really?

#117

Post by dwd »

tredre3 wrote: post #97
blueflow wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Child abuse might be a large driver behind dysfunctionality in adulthood, with disability or early retirement as a consequence. There were some big child neglect cases around the millennium, since them, the topic got more attention from researchers. It used to be that traumatised kids got slapped with a ADHD, autism and/or borderline diagnosis and it got called a day. These are "that's just how you are" style diagnos…

> The denial phase is over. We're in the over-correcting phase, where every person alive is an abuse survivor of varying seriousness. For what it's worth I'm not a cynical person against psychology, and I read both the DSM and the ICD front to back every time a revision comes out. But with every revision, especially for the DSM, I become more concerned that we're creeping towards the "everybody suffers from a multitu…

I feel that everybody is "nuts" in their own way.

The cross-over that we need to focus on is whether their neuro-divergence is actually debilitating.

Re: When do we become adults, really?

#118

Post by nradov »

justonceokay wrote: post #85
Tade0 wrote: post #75

A friend of mine once said something that stuck with me: "There's a dearth of people who will do what's necessary without complaining." To me it's all about realising that there's work which needs to be done regularly, that no one else will do for you and also no one will thank you for doing. I've been happier since I realised this myself.

People learn this at different rates and for wildly different reasons. When I was out of college working at Amazon, I would be amazed that my colleagues seemed to lack skills like doing the laundry. But I got kicked out of my home at 18 and it was made abundantly clear from the age of 16 onward that this would be the case. Remaining a child is a luxury that I wish everyone can experience for as long as possible

A guess opinions vary. Remaining a child felt like more of a punishment than a luxury.

I wasn't kicked out of my home but I had the good fortune of attending a boarding high school starting at 13. This forced me to grow up and take responsibility, while still having limited adult supervision. I wish more teenagers could have that opportunity as it helps to provide a gradual transition into being an independent adult.

Re: When do we become adults, really?

#119

Post by gentschev »

justonceokay wrote: post #116
Tade0 wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I draw the line at the point when someone has a stable job that allows them to pay rent. I've seen people who basically had "two youths" and they were generally unhappy.

I’m interested in your experience. I injected a “second youth” into my life when I was around 30. I found myself having saved an incredible amount and as my above post implied I had my nose to the grindstone from 16-30. I spent a few years traveling the country, learned guitar and piano, went to massage school, produced music, had some brief affairs, worked at a beeswax candle factory, bartended, partied with drugs f…

Out of curiosity, what did you segue into from the second youth, or are you still in it? Those phases seem fun but potentially hard to get out of, either because you don't want to or because you've lost the legibility that employers and potentially love interests want.
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