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Why making friends as an adult is harder

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Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#111

Post by Evil_Saint »

baron816 wrote: post #109

I have an idea for an organization for getting building close connections among men: The organization would connect men together and then those men with “chores” they could do within their neighborhood. Yeah, kind of like a free Task Rabbit. But the idea is that the men go out on a mission together to help random people in their community, whether that’s helping someone move some furniture around, or hang some pictur…

I think the core idea is fine though. Kind of like random acts of kindness but as a team. I guess it's a respin on Habits for Humanity right?

I don't think it's idiotic. I think you're selling yourself short using that word. Try "silly".

Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#112

Post by PicassoCTs »

prhn wrote: post #10

I've made more friends more easily in my 40s than any other time in my life, and I'm a relatively quiet and disagreeable person. Making connections with people you're around frequently is easy. The problem is that adult life doesn't throw you into those situations post-college outside of work. Now it's on you. Find a group. Sports are the easiest. You will absolutely make strong, long lasting friendships if you play…

You are aware, that you are on a board of grinding workaholics, who work hard to have nobody escape the gulag of modern labor - by forcing everyone to grind their lifes to dust to compete with them?

That the processes we are part of have one purpose and one purpose only when it comes to social life, to force everyone to invest there whole social life into a company ? That half the apps written here, are to divide and conquer society and use the created misery and loneliness for additional upsales of the withheld happiness? That companies are actively antagonistic to anybody having friends and friendships?

Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#114

Post by asp_hornet »

nobodyandproud wrote: post #103
phil21 wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of people will simply not do this, even if they know they should. For this reason I think WFH is a massively more risky social experiment than most realize. It works for folks who were either already inclined to "go out and do things" or those who already had established social groups. We will see how this pans out in a generation or two. Having to have everything scheduled weeks in advance is utterly exhaustin…

If it weren’t for church services and semi-regular in-office work, my in-person contact would be just wife and kids. I believe the Japanese have a near analogous term for this: Hikikomori.

That is not what Hikikomori means. Hikikomori is a complete removal of oneself from society often including family and work.

Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#115

Post by ilbeeper »

nobodyandproud wrote: post #103
phil21 wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of people will simply not do this, even if they know they should. For this reason I think WFH is a massively more risky social experiment than most realize. It works for folks who were either already inclined to "go out and do things" or those who already had established social groups. We will see how this pans out in a generation or two. Having to have everything scheduled weeks in advance is utterly exhaustin…

If it weren’t for church services and semi-regular in-office work, my in-person contact would be just wife and kids. I believe the Japanese have a near analogous term for this: Hikikomori.

Having regular contact with a wife and kids makes you far from being a Hikikomori.

Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#116

Post by droidist2 »

dinosaurdynasty wrote: post #89
phil21 wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of people will simply not do this, even if they know they should. For this reason I think WFH is a massively more risky social experiment than most realize. It works for folks who were either already inclined to "go out and do things" or those who already had established social groups. We will see how this pans out in a generation or two. Having to have everything scheduled weeks in advance is utterly exhaustin…

> Having to have everything scheduled weeks in advance I don't see how WFH makes this worse, in fact it probably makes it better (less time spent commuting, more ability to end the day early with a flexible employer, etc)

If you don't waste that time scrolling Instagram, Reddit, etc.

Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#117

Post by droidist2 »

moribvndvs wrote: post #105
prhn wrote: post #10

I've made more friends more easily in my 40s than any other time in my life, and I'm a relatively quiet and disagreeable person. Making connections with people you're around frequently is easy. The problem is that adult life doesn't throw you into those situations post-college outside of work. Now it's on you. Find a group. Sports are the easiest. You will absolutely make strong, long lasting friendships if you play…

I don’t think it matters that it’s sports specifically, but I agree that the secret ingredient is showing up and putting in the effort consistently and frequently. It’s easier to do that when friendship is a byproduct of something you are interested in or need to do. Another factor that is important is being open-minded, whether that means being a little more willing to explore things that aren’t your wheelhouse or b…

> I think too many people think friendship is what happens between people that are the same

This is so true. Just think, why is it that as children we often become friends with the kid who lives next door or across the street? Is it that we magically have the same tastes? Or is it just that we see them all the time?

Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#118

Post by ozim »

phil21 wrote: post #88
prhn wrote: post #10

I've made more friends more easily in my 40s than any other time in my life, and I'm a relatively quiet and disagreeable person. Making connections with people you're around frequently is easy. The problem is that adult life doesn't throw you into those situations post-college outside of work. Now it's on you. Find a group. Sports are the easiest. You will absolutely make strong, long lasting friendships if you play…

A lot of people will simply not do this, even if they know they should. For this reason I think WFH is a massively more risky social experiment than most realize. It works for folks who were either already inclined to "go out and do things" or those who already had established social groups. We will see how this pans out in a generation or two. Having to have everything scheduled weeks in advance is utterly exhaustin…

I WFH since pandemic. I have it good with current company and my home setup is a blast.

But next year resolution is that I will be renting a desk in a coworking space.

While I don’t have problem as I have enough fiends and family to hang out with.

I believe that I leave business opportunities lying somewhere there on the table and if current contract ends I will be on much worse bargaining position than when I will having more business connections hopefully created by sharing co work space.

Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#120

Post by tekla »

BoingBoomTschak wrote: post #17
JoeAltmaier wrote: post #2

It is hard, for those that treat life as 'working and slacking'. Join a group - any group. Attend meetings. Contribute. Make friends. It's still that easy. But, you have to give up social media doomscrolling and movie binging. So there's that. A better title might be - why it's hard now to get off your butt and do anything other than work and slacking. Because it is hard. But if you do it - all the same friendship av…

> Join a group - any group. Attend meetings. Contribute. Make friends. This is basically the "1. Do thing, 2. ???, 3. Profit!" South Park meme. If you're normal and like to drink a beer while talking about travel, TV, base politics or sportsball, sure it works. But let's be honest, you normal people can smell when someone isn't part of their tribe, even with a good mask on.

Do you have any curiosity at all about the world around you?
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