Procrastination and the fear of not being good enough

Because impostor syndrome was a term supposed to describe a medical phenomenon that proved not to exist. Around my parts we call that "bullshit".

I think when I've read things I liked, it's because I was sort of writing when I was reading if that makes any sense. I know I'm stretching the meaning of the words a bit, but it feels to me like whenever I've read words that I've written and don't really feel what I'm talking about, it's because I'm a different person now and so the words aren't really my own.

But as I'm writing, the words are full of meaning, to just me, and I'm really saying something honest that I know is honest. After a while though, they seem dead.

So I write all the time (literally, and all over the place too) and I don't really care to share it because the words I've written aren't even all that impressive to me - it's more how I feel about the words I'm writing.

Or maybe I'm just saying that. I feel like when people say (share with others) that they think something, it's actually just a ploy to trick themselves into thinking that way - because being the person that would genuinely think that way is an attractive thing for them.

What can I say.

It's actually the opposite. I found ego was what was stoping me from doing right things. When I had the opportunity to do a right thing previously I used to think someone else will do it or it's not my job or what If I fail. Now I just do it.

This resonates with me so much!

The only thing that has worked for me to overcome my crippling fear of writing shitty blogs on the Internet, is to write more shitty blog posts.

I write every day, publish every day, send them to my email list, every day.

90% of them are crap. Next year I hope 80% of them will be crap. And so on.

I have also noticed that when I send a particularly crappy one, I don’t get a lot of unsubscribe or hate, because people just wait for the next one. I’m guessing the 3500 people on my list generally want to receive them, or they would leave.

Most of them are crappy in particular ways: two personal, too broad, too vague, too long, Too $hort, two philosophical, two tactical… You get the idea.

Publishing often allows me to try a wide variety of approaches, lengths, styles, tones, topics, without fear that I am doing “wrong.“

If you want to connect, drop me a line at marcus@marcusblankenship.com. Always happy to support a fellow writer.

I'm guessing but it's not without some experience. I feel like I trick myself all the time - to guide myself towards becoming what I want to be.

There was a time when I felt unintelligent and incapable of great, technical things. So I kind of just did things that it seemed capable people did. I felt like people who are smart, capable, and rich now, hacked things when they were young and were rebellious and broke the rules and did whatever they wanted and put lots of effort into random interesting things because they were interesting.

So, because the end goal was attractive to me in a way, I tried to do those things too - maybe consciously, maybe not. I feel like that process made me different though. I have genuinely changed into someone far more capable technically, way more interested in super 'nerdy' things.

Anyway, I don't know what it means to think this through ego. I don't really get it.

But sunsets are nice - I like seeing them too. Yeah I suppose what I mean was that the commentary changed. Interesting that for you there's no commentary, I think I've felt like that before. Sometimes I feel like I just exist in a nice feeling - no words, nothing. Just experiencing. But that doesn't last very long, or it turns into something negative like boredom or something. Then I get up with a bad feeling lol