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My Time Working at Stripe

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Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#111

Post by molochai »

wkjagt wrote: post #92

There's a lot of comments on the "10% more vulnerable" part of the post in here that amount to "I just owe the company work hours, and they owe me money", and a strong aversion to showing anything resembling human connection going slightly further than "how are you", "fine". One commented even called the question by the manager "abuse", and suggested the manager should be fired. But if on most days we're spending mos…

I have personal experience with a manager who acted similarly intrusively, seeming to want to blur lines between professional and personal. They later critiqued my (supposed) emotional state and motivations in a professional review. "Force" may not be accurate as in strapping me into the group until I talk, "abuse" may not be accurate as in an active misuse of power -- but there are negative consequences for non-participation.

I'm not the least bit opposed to connecting with peers. I've extracted two cherished friends of 10+ years from prior jobs. I just require it to occur organically and with peers, separate from groups led by the person signing my paychecks and writing my annual reviews.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#112

Post by baxtr »

wkjagt wrote: post #84
DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

Post: "If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable" This comment: "I'd rather not have my manager forcing me to do group therapy." How did "if you’re comfortable" become "forcing me", and "try and be 10% more vulnerable" become "group therapy"?

The thing is - and the post actually showcases this - that "10% more vulnerable" is super abstract.

What does that even mean? Seems like it triggers people to share very deep stuff.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#113

Post by sourcepluck »

davedx wrote: post #65
sourcepluck wrote: post #59

Also, this article prompted me to use Ngram for the first time, to compare "camaraderie" and "comradery", which I was amazed and appalled by. The resulting diagram really helped soothe me, so here it is: https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=camaraderie%2C...

Probably the "English is a dual language with lots of words that mean the same thing because half are from French and the other half are Anglo Saxon" thing again. There are loads of words like this, there was an article about it on HN the other week

No, not whatsoever. "Camarade" is the French word they both stem from, and the spelling "comradery" is the (North) American variant which some sources describe as an error and some not.

It's the U.S. vs England spelling thing again, except this time the U.S. spelling doesn't seem to be catching on, for some reason.

To get a feel for the whole thing in Ngram I looked at "labor,labour", "color,colour" and "organize,organise" and for each one the U.S. spelling was winning by a little or by loads, but "camaraderie" heavily dominates "comradery" in terms of usage. So, a little bit mysterious, maybe.

[Ngram is a great tool].

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#115

Post by Jgrubb »

abc-1 wrote: post #17

Great blog, but reading it gave me deep secondhand anxiety and even exhaustion. It’s strikingly clear this person is a people pleaser to potentially unhealthy levels, maybe due to low self-esteem or something else, and it could be contributing to the depression. Legitimately, therapy might be the right call here. But on the positive side, they do seem like a good person who wants to build good things. That’s commenda…

100% agree. Please OP consider therapy or at least a next job that you can't give too much of a shit about. Care about the quality of the work you're shipping because it's fun. Be a human but keep your personal life personal.

People pleasing, approval seeking makes you the battery in somebody else's flashlight. You will always find yourself used up by others. Don't give others control of your joy.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#116

Post by jalopy »

fnordpiglet wrote: post #30

These symptoms are a classic sign of burn out. One thing I notice in your writing is you’re very tied up in things having meaning and mattering in some specific way. This itself can lead to burnout because if everything must matter you must be emotionally invested in everything. But you can care without it mattering to you. You can do a good job without being totally invested in everything about it. You can love what…

Great advice.

What books/resources do you suggest to follow more on this path of meditation (possibly also stoicism)?

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#117

Post by dzikimarian »

kroolik wrote: post #108
wkjagt wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Post: "If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable" This comment: "I'd rather not have my manager forcing me to do group therapy." How did "if you’re comfortable" become "forcing me", and "try and be 10% more vulnerable" become "group therapy"?

Its not difficult to imagine a person saying 'i have nothing i want to share here' be stigmatised in future. As a person who doesnt want to work together and be part of the company culture.

Or just share regular story you would normally share, when introducing yourself in work setting? I'm 100% sure nobody would care.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#118

Post by mndgs »

Sorry for a probably unpopular opinion here, and let me generalize a bit: Gen Z all the way... (Saying this makes me feel a bit old, I guess I'm certainly am than the author).

On a serious note, in my book there are hints of perfectionism right from the start of the story (fonts dimming, wait 30 sec to join the meeting..). And too much fragility in personal attidudes. S/he is probably a relatively young idealistic person, early in the career. Such people often don't last long, if they can't change inside and take manager's or corporate shit. One needs at least some "fuck it" attitude to preserve one's dignity. Your performance review does not and cannot define you as a person. Else you're likely to end up disappointed and/or emotionally exhausted. And that's what I see here.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#119

Post by Tade0 »

sourcepluck wrote: post #113
davedx wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Probably the "English is a dual language with lots of words that mean the same thing because half are from French and the other half are Anglo Saxon" thing again. There are loads of words like this, there was an article about it on HN the other week

No, not whatsoever. "Camarade" is the French word they both stem from, and the spelling "comradery" is the (North) American variant which some sources describe as an error and some not. It's the U.S. vs England spelling thing again, except this time the U.S. spelling doesn't seem to be catching on, for some reason. To get a feel for the whole thing in Ngram I looked at "labor,labour", "color,colour" and "organize,org…

I for one could not help but read it in my head with a thick Slavic accent. All the more interesting that I am Slavic already.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#120

Post by Jgrubb »

silisili wrote: post #7

Well written. The one thing that immediately pissed me off was you doing something awesome, then having management attack you for reason X, where X attacks everything but the results. The reason never really matters, the real reason is that you threatened them in some manner and they need to justify their job. Honestly, I would have just quit at that point. You're a saint for staying any longer. This sounds like an a…

They're not a saint, they're playing out a pattern that says "you're never good enough, try harder".

The manager sounds classically awful and I hate that the world rewards such people w power over others.

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