Did anyone else guess it was Feynman before clicking?
I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)
111–120 of 135 posts
Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)
#112A little longer (76 pages), but A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis is also worth checking out: * http://www.samizdat.qc.ca/arts/lit/PDFs/GriefObserved_CSL.pd... (Canada public domain) * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Grief_Observed * https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26077627-a-grief-observe...
Second this book! I read this at the behest of my wife after my dad died of cancer, and was really impactful for me.
Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)
#113One book that was helpful for me after my dad died was Garson Kieler's book "Good Poems for Hard Times" [1]. It's a beautiful anthology of poems that helps with working through life, loss, and grief. Each time I open it, a different poem speaks to me and has helped me grapple not only with my loss, but with my own life.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/39690.Good_Poems_for_Har...
Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)
#114My wife died 10 years ago, so I understand that pain. Dealing with death is never easy. The thing I miss most about my wife is the depth of emotional connection; she knew everything about me being very deeply in love with me and everything I did really mattered to her. It has taken me nearly 10 years to build a network of friends who can give me comparable levels of socialization and attention; I have about two dozen…
I always felt a sense of betrayal when someone sought a new partner after their spouse dies. But when I read a passage by Freeman Dyson about Feynman's trip to Santa Fe to meet his new girlfriend, my view has significantly shifted. Dyson (or perhaps someone else; I don't recall exactly) spoke of Feynman as someone who cannot stay out of a romantic relationship for too long. Some men just always want to love and be lo…
I lost my wife to cancer after a brief struggle a year ago.
Everyone is different, and you don’t know what or how you’ll feel unless it happens to you.
For example, at a point, I felt guilty for not being sad. My son and I went to the beach and had a great time. I felt an intense guilt afterwards. But I focused on fitness and other things and tried to make each day better. Time and positive work heals.
In terms of love, etc, the heart has room. Some people are ready before the body is cold, others take years to contemplate a relationship. All i can offer is that as someone who has walked a mile in these shoes, I’d never cast a negative judgement on widower/widow behavior that isn’t plainly reckless.
Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)
#115Earlier quoted context omitted.
REPOSTED from deleted top level comment. @dang I'm seeing that it was posted 7 months ago: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=37914958 I appreciate the rules, but am very disappointed. There are some incredibly moving comments in here. I rarely feel as connected to the hacker news community as when reading these comments. The fact that it was erased off the front page for some rigid application of the rules, that l…
Ok, I've turned off the dupe marker on this one.
thank you. this was also my first time seeing this post, and it was a very heartwarming read, despite the undertone of melancholy.
Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)
#116My wife died 10 years ago, so I understand that pain. Dealing with death is never easy. The thing I miss most about my wife is the depth of emotional connection; she knew everything about me being very deeply in love with me and everything I did really mattered to her. It has taken me nearly 10 years to build a network of friends who can give me comparable levels of socialization and attention; I have about two dozen…
Two dozen very close friends? That seems both obscene and absurd - I'd love to hear more.
Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)
#117My wife died 10 years ago, so I understand that pain. Dealing with death is never easy. The thing I miss most about my wife is the depth of emotional connection; she knew everything about me being very deeply in love with me and everything I did really mattered to her. It has taken me nearly 10 years to build a network of friends who can give me comparable levels of socialization and attention; I have about two dozen…
> It has taken me nearly 10 years to build a network of friends who can give me comparable levels of socialization and attention; building close friends as an adult is a known Hard Problem when everyone has their own lives. any big insights or breakthroughs you can share for the rest of us?
I second this. My best friends are still the childhood friends. Every time I'm getting closer with someone new it fails sooner or later because of other duties we already have in life.
Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)
#118My wife died 10 years ago, so I understand that pain. Dealing with death is never easy. The thing I miss most about my wife is the depth of emotional connection; she knew everything about me being very deeply in love with me and everything I did really mattered to her. It has taken me nearly 10 years to build a network of friends who can give me comparable levels of socialization and attention; I have about two dozen…
> I can see why Feynman became sexually promiscuous afterwards, undoubtedly to numb the pain of losing his wife; seduction allowed him to have a form of that connection, albeit without the depth and love of what he had with his wife. He married again in 1952 and divorced in 1958 (and married again a couple of years later). I don't know if sexual promiscuity was part of the divorce complaint but apparently this fragme…
Iirc at the time there was still "at fault divorce", and the divorce settlement was influenced by who was at fault. So a (likely overly charitable reading) of the entire thing is that Feynman agreed to be portrayed in a bad light to achieve a fairer Deal for his soon to be ex wife.
Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)
#119My wife died 10 years ago, so I understand that pain. Dealing with death is never easy. The thing I miss most about my wife is the depth of emotional connection; she knew everything about me being very deeply in love with me and everything I did really mattered to her. It has taken me nearly 10 years to build a network of friends who can give me comparable levels of socialization and attention; I have about two dozen…
> I have about two dozen very close friends (both male and female)
Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)
#120My wife died 10 years ago, so I understand that pain. Dealing with death is never easy. The thing I miss most about my wife is the depth of emotional connection; she knew everything about me being very deeply in love with me and everything I did really mattered to her. It has taken me nearly 10 years to build a network of friends who can give me comparable levels of socialization and attention; I have about two dozen…
> I can see why Feynman became sexually promiscuous afterwards, undoubtedly to numb the pain of losing his wife; seduction allowed him to have a form of that connection, albeit without the depth and love of what he had with his wife. He married again in 1952 and divorced in 1958 (and married again a couple of years later). I don't know if sexual promiscuity was part of the divorce complaint but apparently this fragme…
> "He begins working calculus problems in his head as soon as he awakens. He did calculus while driving in his car, while sitting in the living room, and while lying in bed at night."