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Letting go of the idea of keeping up

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Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#111

Post by ClaraForm »

resource_waste wrote: post #90
NalNezumi wrote: post #48

When I saw the title I thought the article would be about the dreadful stress of keeping up with new tech or research .. But it's about spare time reading? Granted the problem seems similar, but only because the author is in the field of reading (working in books related profession). I'm not sure how much it can be applied to just hobby reading. Stress of keeping up with tech/research comes from a sense of profession…

Thanks for starting the discussion. > Stress of keeping up with tech/research comes from a sense of professional obligations (you'll fall behind to your professional peers) Okay, I'm literally terrified about not being in the top 1% or top 10% of everything I do. Scared. I have built my life around me with people that perform at those levels, so everyone from my wife to my best friends may disappear if I'm not perfor…

> Okay, I'm literally terrified about not being in the top 1% or top 10% of everything I do. Scared.

I don't believe you. No one is in the "top 1%" of everything you do.

I don't say this to shame you, but to make you realize that you're already okay as you are, while not being the best.

There's no way you're in the top 1% of management ability, technical knowledge, coworker relationships, parenting, exercise, finances, et cetera.

On the few axes of life where I know for sure I am better than the next 99 people I meet, I have had to practice that thing so much that I have made more than one logical jump and ability jump that counts as a filter for the next 99. It won't be overnight that I fall out of the 1%.

I suspect the same is true for anyone in any 1% of anything.

Let go of your fears.

Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#113

Post by ggpsv »

resource_waste wrote: post #101
kwhitefoot wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How is Stoicism Kool-Aid?

You have to mental gymnastics your way to happiness, rather than using your intrinsic desires. You also probably need to take a philosophical "Leap of Faith" at some point to justify your work. The obvious one is Solipsism, you basically must assume that other people have consciousness. Hope you aren't just a brain in the vat, and this worldly experience was all for you.

I reckon you're misunderstanding stoicism if you think of it as mental gymnastics. You're implying it is a practice of self-deceit or indulging in irrationality.

Stoicism is largely about accepting things as they are and letting go of the illusion of control. This, if truly integrated in your outlook, is the opposite of mental gymnastics. Said otherwise, you'd have self-awareness to understand your predicament and cut through it. Believe or not, you and Marcus Aurelius share the fundamental human condition, despite him being what you'd consider a "top performer".

Would you consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy a practice of mental gymnastics? After all, Aaron Beck was inspired in part by the stoics.

I wish you find peace, don't be too hard on yourself.

Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#114

Post by kaashif »

causality0 wrote: post #7

Every time Goodreads comes up on HN it sounds like a cross between Facebook and drug addiction. I am very glad that I care about as much about other peoples' opinions on the books I read as I do their opinions on my wanking technique.

I totally agree. I don't understand this at all. It's a form of status seeking that only happens in these particular circles and appears totally insane to everyone on the outside.

From reading the article the whole thing appears to be caused by their job and their friends.

If I had that job maybe I'd get infected by this mindset too, I'm glad I'm not.

Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#115

Post by fragmede »

resource_waste wrote: post #90
NalNezumi wrote: post #48

When I saw the title I thought the article would be about the dreadful stress of keeping up with new tech or research .. But it's about spare time reading? Granted the problem seems similar, but only because the author is in the field of reading (working in books related profession). I'm not sure how much it can be applied to just hobby reading. Stress of keeping up with tech/research comes from a sense of profession…

Thanks for starting the discussion. > Stress of keeping up with tech/research comes from a sense of professional obligations (you'll fall behind to your professional peers) Okay, I'm literally terrified about not being in the top 1% or top 10% of everything I do. Scared. I have built my life around me with people that perform at those levels, so everyone from my wife to my best friends may disappear if I'm not perfor…

> Okay, I'm literally terrified about not being in the top 1% or top 10% of everything I do. Scared.

You're not in the top 1% of posters on this site. How do you deal with that utter failure? Sure, you can make excuses, but face it, you're not in the top 1%, 10%, or even top 90% of this site in points.

These points are, of course, worthless, but holding yourself to an unachievable standard is ridiculous. One might even say it's the top 1% of ridiculousness. And how about things that are contradictory? If you're in the top 1% of people who get 8 hours of sleep every night, you're automatically disqualified from being in the top 1% of people who get 4 hours of less a night. If you're in a top 10% country for Gini inequality, are you also in a top 10% country for happiness?

You're not in the top 10% of wealth already, so you've already failed at that. Just do the best you can and have some self-compassion. By all means, push yourself to do your best, but don't kill yourself over the fact that there's always going to be someone better than you at something.

Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#116

Post by starbugs »

NalNezumi wrote: post #110
starbugs wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Not worrying about it might be close to just quitting (or silent quitting) and require a bit more mental change than "to not just worry about it". Even if that's the ultimate goal, the advice is as helpful as telling a homeless man how dreadful it is to not have a home, and then tell him to just buy a house. I understand the sentiment and I know where you're coming from with this. Still, if you want to be less stre…

Thank you for your sincere reply.(and understanding) I'm right now not in that mental state, and in matter of fact in the process of quitting my job (well one reason of it) for the stress of keeping up. So the description in your last paragraph does ring true to my previous mentality, and something I had to work on for the past 4 years to correct. Still, when I see my newer coworkers in similar situation as I were, I…

> Still, when I see my newer coworkers in similar situation as I were, I know neither my experience nor your comment will reach them. But I believe your comment & my experience is probably more useful than the original articles (non-existent) advice.

Yes and that's ok. Everyone needs a different amount of suffering to get to a point where change becomes possible.

Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#117

Post by itscodingtime »

People can replace doom strolling or social media usage with some reading but after a certain point you will also need to give up certain hobbies or other activities to be as prolific as some other readers. Yeah you could spend one hour reading over playing that new online game with your friend or watching that new drama with your spouse but then you aren’t socializing. Or maybe you really care about flexibility so you spend the extra hour you have in the evening doing mobility drills and yoga. Or maybe you are trying to not fall behind the AI craze in tech so you spend an hour reading about the latest models and experimenting with them. Point is the person reading for one hour also isn’t doing what you doing. There’s also this underlying assumption that reading is always productive when there’s a lot of low quality content that’s easily consumed. Not every book is East of Eden.

Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#119

Post by bobbyadamson »

ErigmolCt wrote: post #104
NalNezumi wrote: post #48

When I saw the title I thought the article would be about the dreadful stress of keeping up with new tech or research .. But it's about spare time reading? Granted the problem seems similar, but only because the author is in the field of reading (working in books related profession). I'm not sure how much it can be applied to just hobby reading. Stress of keeping up with tech/research comes from a sense of profession…

But if you feel the stress of keeping up with new tech or keeping up with book reading, don't you think it's the same? Just don't worry, everyone has their own pace

I don’t think it’s the same. The author frames it as a social pressure. It actually reads as a personal anxiety that they project on the world in my opinion. They started feeling competitive about books as an 8 year old? I’m not shocked they assume anyone asking them what they’re reading is some test. I can’t imagine walking through the world like this.

Of course there is some of this in software related fields, but for a lot of us the bigger risk is a demonstrable professional one. If you haven’t learned anything new in tech in the last 10 years you could be out of a job. There is a whole ocean of jobs for which you would not qualify.

Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#120

Post by llmblockchain »

NalNezumi wrote: post #48

When I saw the title I thought the article would be about the dreadful stress of keeping up with new tech or research .. But it's about spare time reading? Granted the problem seems similar, but only because the author is in the field of reading (working in books related profession). I'm not sure how much it can be applied to just hobby reading. Stress of keeping up with tech/research comes from a sense of profession…

Before I started my first tech job many years ago I was quite stressed. I felt behind constantly and I was worried everyone would be so much better than me so I over compensated by reading every tech book I could get my hands on. I threw myself into them and flat out memorized and experimented with the content until I knew it through and through.

Turns out I had nothing to worry about. In my entire career I've met one guy that was ever "on my level".

I'd say yes-- book reading can help, but the dread of not being enough shouldn't be a part of it. Most tech people don't read. Most tech people don't code before 9AM or after 5PM. Most have never heard of hacker news. You're going to be o.k.

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