What those adult consequences are does depend on what one being bullied does about it and how. I was bullied to the point of near complete ostracision in high school. After a few months, I had a talk with some adults I knew outside my usual circle. These were mentors, some tech people teaching me assembly language and radio. Others were farmers, military, one business owner. The advice and knowledge I was given varie…
The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood
111–120 of 151 posts
Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood
#112Earlier quoted context omitted.
tbh two different people gain two different lessons being raised this way. your experience is unique. others have went to the military and/or had tough dads and it made them completely better as a person. "bullying" is a natural part of human life. its always up to the person to be courageous and get through. Your personal perspective is apart of current societies views on it...plus your own. there are kids who had n…
i think you're getting discipline and bullying confused, they're very different things. discipline is of course necessary, but going through life walking on eggshells because you don't know exactly what is going to set your dad off but you know it's coming for one reason or another because he's clearly in a bad mood is not having a "tough dad", and does not make anybody better as a person. in order to hold this opini…
Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood
#113Not bullied in school since I could usually hold my own, but bullied by my father throughout my life. Being in a country where parental corporal punishment is normal, even encouraged, I was hit for minor to major (getting bad marks, staying out late to play with friends) events all throughout my life till I could save up enough to move out when I was 18. It took me my entire college life to get over the feeling of dr…
i am sorry you had to go through this. my dad wasn't as bad. from todays perspective what i experienced looks more like loss of self-control than intentional action. in any case i probably would never have been able to stand up for myself. partly because the outbursts were always connected to something we did, so it was easy to see it like the reason or the trigger was caused by us, and not my dad just being in a bad…
Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood
#114Not bullied in school since I could usually hold my own, but bullied by my father throughout my life. Being in a country where parental corporal punishment is normal, even encouraged, I was hit for minor to major (getting bad marks, staying out late to play with friends) events all throughout my life till I could save up enough to move out when I was 18. It took me my entire college life to get over the feeling of dr…
i am sorry you had to go through this. my dad wasn't as bad. from todays perspective what i experienced looks more like loss of self-control than intentional action. in any case i probably would never have been able to stand up for myself. partly because the outbursts were always connected to something we did, so it was easy to see it like the reason or the trigger was caused by us, and not my dad just being in a bad…
Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood
#115Few questions: - Should we create laws to penalize bullying? Given the reports of bullying's adverse effects of a society's productivity, I'm almost wondering if we should apply legal penalties to bullies and mitigate such externalities. For instance, South Korea enacted a policy in which records of bullying are reflected on college entrance.[1] [1] https://www.straitstimes.com/asia/east-asia/bullying-records... - Wi…
> Given the reports of bullying's adverse effects of a society's productivity, I'm almost wondering if we should apply legal penalties to bullies and mitigate such externalities. A beautiful idea which will not work, any more than resort to adult authority ever does in such cases. Three reasons: Shallowly, first, the authority is not absolute and cannot be. There will always be opportunities for a bully to bully; try…
As someone bullied in high school, I would counter this by saying "how about we start by punishing adults that openly participate in the bullying?". Surely that isn't so much to ask? Because this was a definite problem. Sudden unexplainable extremely pedantic test corrections, teachers shouting at you when you get bullied. Teachers treating the bullied kid as a problem instead of the bullying, and, although that was often so badly done it almost helped, teachers attempting to bully you directly.
I learned to do tests absolutely correctly, leave absolutely no opportunity for the teacher to deduct points. A SINGLE spelling error in a verb in a history test? -20%. Use of "advanced" mathematics in a physics exam? -50% (I used a derivative because of a book on physics I got from the library, and the physics teacher (of 10th grade, in US terms) did not understand derivatives, or what they have to do with physics. After all, due to state legislation, we have a physics teacher that had a "license" (master's degree) in history ... and a history teacher that had a license in physics. Technically they could switch, but their tenure would reset to zero if they did, with consequences for pay and apparently if the school had to shrink they'd get fired sooner. Both chose against doing this). Asking physics questions in history class definitely led to bullying.
But can we start by actually punishing abuse of adult authority for bullying, and give some opportunity for kids to prove such bullying.
Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood
#116Before bullying was eliminated from schools, bullying was pervasive, and I know several friends who were bullied throughout their schooling. The emotional scars and struggles with self-esteem they faced lasted long after the bullying itself stopped.
> bullying was eliminated from schools It was? Not that I've been in primary school in a few decades, but I find this claim exceedingly hard to believe.
She went to high school in a poor area of the US south during the 1970s, so her school probably wasn't good. She's told me stories of how she was bullied physically (mainly by boys, but girls bullied her physically too), and how she's glad it's not like that "nowadays"/"anymore." Even kids who weren't bullied still got into fistfights. It probably didn't help that corporal punishment was routine at her school.
I went to a magnet high school in a high income county in the US. I graduated in 2021, and I personally didn't see or experience any bullying. Students were generally pretty nice and left you alone if they didn't like you.
From reading this thread, I realize the difference probably comes more from the areas we grew up in, but I had attributed it to bullying being mostly eliminated without thinking much about it.
Many have given anecdotes, but we need statistics in order to get an accurate view of the whole country. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, 22% of US students ages 12-18 reported being bullied, while 5% reported specifically being pushed, shoved, tripped, or spit on.
Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood
#117Earlier quoted context omitted.
Absence of bullying doesn't mean absence of discipline. In no situation bullying is a good thing. Bullying is devastating and an unhealthy way of teaching things. You comment is basically saying "bullying didn't work on you because you were too weak". That's borderline victim shaming and completely insensitive. Courage has nothing to do with coping with bullying, and you should not need courage for daily interactions…
> Absence of bullying doesn't mean absence of discipline. If you're caught and punished immediately every single time you do X, you develop the internal discipline to avoid doing X almost instantly. A mild punishment is ample in this case - for many children saying "you know that isn't right" is sufficient. If you're caught only 10% of the time you do X, whether the punishment is mild or severe, the lesson is "don't…
In any case, for me, calling out your child's bad behavior is not bullying the child.
Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood
#118Is there a study that compares the difference in bullying between countries? I have a feeling that bullying was/is particularly common and more violent in the UK compared to the rest of the world. I am from France, and I always found the portraiture of bullying in English culture quite foreign to me. Repeated beatings, total humiliation, stalking, all these horrific behaviors did seem fairly established in the UK, wh…
I'm from Belgium, and this kind of stuff you wouldn't really see here. Getting slapped and then defending yourself that you're not crying.
Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood
#119Earlier quoted context omitted.
i think you're getting discipline and bullying confused, they're very different things. discipline is of course necessary, but going through life walking on eggshells because you don't know exactly what is going to set your dad off but you know it's coming for one reason or another because he's clearly in a bad mood is not having a "tough dad", and does not make anybody better as a person. in order to hold this opini…
Very much agree. It is a very common way to justify one's bullying, by calling it discipline. But the truth is, if there aren't any clear rules and it's up to one's mood, then it's bullying.
Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood
#120Not bullied in school since I could usually hold my own, but bullied by my father throughout my life. Being in a country where parental corporal punishment is normal, even encouraged, I was hit for minor to major (getting bad marks, staying out late to play with friends) events all throughout my life till I could save up enough to move out when I was 18. It took me my entire college life to get over the feeling of dr…
> It took me my entire college life to get over the feeling of dread of an incoming kick or slap to my face when I said something that would be confrontational, it made it incredibly difficult for me to say no to things because any sort of response that wasn't in line with what an authority figure wanted would give me major fight-or-flight rendering me useless. Even at this point I avoid conflict but have done much better to face my fears and build the ability to speak my mind confidently.
> The PTSD made me leave my consultancy that I worked incredibly hard to build with a professor and a senior because they were working me to the ground and I didn't have the ability to say anything. Even at this moment the remnants of my past make me fearful of even applying for jobs even though I know I have a skillset that's industry standard.
> Bullying in any shape or form is horrible and can have lifelong consequences on your psyche. To those who perpetrate it or stand by and do nothing, please reconsider that it may affect someone's life as negatively as it has affected mine.
> Apologies for the rant, more power to those who feel they cannot stand up for themselves.
Thank you for writing this, it helped me realize something about some issues I have.