How Dowries Are Fuelling a Femicide Epidemic

In India, the eldest son is also expected to take care of their parents through their old age, and there fore inherits the family house. After watching a good dozen families take care of aging parents, I can say with confidence, that inheritance is an insufficient payment for the human cost of being a carer to your in-laws for 40+ years. I know quite a lot of family feuds that have broken up in the last decade, where the brother finds it hypocritical that the sister never contributed to taking care of the parents but showed up at their death's door for inheritance.

Remember, divorce is non-existent in India. So, any money paid to the the son-in-law or the daughter, can be considered to be going to the same joint account. Again, Dowry is terrible, and fortunately my region does not practice it. But even in cases where it does exist, the monetary exchange is surprisingly even when all the responsibilities are tallied up.

Social systems around the world develop in their own context. Taking them out of that context often leads to head scratchers and blatantly incorrect conclusion.

This context was important given the topic, because a topic that frequently comes up in these family discussions is that

1. the girl's parents insist that if I decide to marry their daughter, they wouldn't "give us anything". This has been said a few times to my face, to my partner, and to my parents too. 2. they've asked a few times subtly if there are any "demands" from my side of the family (most likely to bring it up as another obstacle towards peaceful proceedings). 3. they've offered that they would give some small stuff like a bed, a cupboard, etc. to us as a "blessing for our married life" despite both of us politely declining for it.

It's honestly humiliating and disgusting. Both of us consider ourselves to be educated ("woke", if you will) and quite self sufficient. Not once have I or any member of my family expressed any wishes or expectations of receiving anything from the girl's side.

I've been quite against such practices for years now, from even before I met my partner. I'm even ready to the extent of disavowing my parents if they indulge in any such activity.

But what both of us have ended up realizing is that none of it matters. Society around us is accustomed to doing things in a certain way and it's not just hard, but very very hard for people to let go of such things.

And mind you - it's not just generational. I know of people from my age group, school mates, colleagues, college mates, what have you, who are totally okay with such things and consider it a "norm". Some even go to the extent of supporting their parents and upfront ask the girls for it. And it's not just males, it's all over the place. Females are mostly okay with this, if not encouraging of it. They demand stuff from their parents to "help them start a new life". Maybe don't start a new life if you and your would be partner cannot afford to do so, or come to a solid understanding with your partner on where they stand on such issue?