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What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

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Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

#111

Post by listless »

partdavid wrote: post #63
listless wrote: post #30

My father passed away in April of '21 just as the vaccines were coming out and everyone was getting them. He was an otherwise healthy guy who just died suddenly of a heart attack.' The worst thing was when people would say "Did he get the vaccine?". That still makes me furious to this day. Do not politicize my father's death. Please. He's not a pawn for your agenda. The quickest way to trivialize a person's life is t…

I'm sorry to hear about that. When my mother died lots of people took it as an opportunity to support some idea or opinion they had, religious, political or social, it was awful.

I know exactly how that feels. I'm sorry for your loss.

Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

#112

Post by sobkas »

ransom1538 wrote: post #88
scionthefly wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

After a recent devastating family tragedy, a friend reached out and said "we are paying a lawn service to mow for you." It was unexpected, related to something I had posted about trying to fix our riding lawnmower, and honestly took a huge chore off of our plate at a time when we needed to focus on family. I've appreciated so many things people have done for us, from just a message, card, shoulder to cry on, or visit…

My friend: "I can't pay my rent." Me: "Whats your venmo". 4 minutes later.... My friend: "wtf I can't pay this back" Me: "Good i don't do loans" Put in the cash or effort. When you help someone down, they never forget.

> My friend: "I can't pay my rent."

> Me: "Whats your venmo".

> 4 minutes later....

> My friend: "wtf I can't pay this back"

> Me: "Good i don't do loans"

> Put in the cash or effort. When you help someone down, they never forget.

Yep, they will never forget humiliation of depending on someone else's charity and will always hate you for it. But because it would be impolite to say it straight to your face they will find other ways to get back at you.

Also you are no savior if your fortune depends on a system(all of them, not only obvious one) that destroyed their lives.

Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

#113

Post by mkl95 »

A couple of (former) teammates were laid off recently. In both cases I was honest and told them I didn't agree with leadership's decision, and I asked them if they had some project lined up. Both of them said they were taking some time off and not thinking about work for a while. It aligns with my personal experience when I was laid off.

Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

#114

Post by droopybuns »

paxys wrote: post #61

I wish we weren't culturally in a place where a layoff is treated like the death of a family member. We need to stop tying our identities (and basic healthcare) to our job. Getting fired from Amazon should really be a reason for celebration.

Loss of revenue puts people at risk of famine and indentured servitude.

This isn't a cultural thing. Human evolution is ugly. Evolution's filter function is death. If you can't feed yourself, nature will use you for food.

You are coming from a place of extreme privilege lamenting that people get stressed about losing a job. It's not a minor inconvenience if you're working on something you think is important. Button pushers have little to mourn. People working on big projects have to establish new goals for themselves & align themselves with an entirely new professional network. These are not minor things.

Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

#115

Post by alocasia-1 »

extragood wrote: post #78
blagie wrote: post #18

I'll mention one more thing which helps: Concrete offers of help. Depending on the circumstances, those can be practical (e.g. cooking and bringing food, covering part of funeral expenses/logistics) or supportive (e.g. making yourself available to talk through things or just be there for someone). A vague offer of help, many people will never make use of. "If there's anything I can do..." often doesn't quite signal "…

A co-worker who was laid off recently reached out to see if I had any room on my team. It broke my heart to say that we're not hiring for the foreseeable future either. I liked him a lot and thought he did good work, and otherwise I'd certainly have considered him. I told him as much. We made plans instead to meet up for coffee and catch up next week. I wish I had something more concrete to help him out. This feels o…

Maybe something will come up in conversation! In any case having something to look forward to, even as mundane as a coffee date, is a blessing when your daily routine suddenly goes out the window. I'm sure it means more to him than you guess.

Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

#116

Post by autokad »

as someone who went through the 2001 period without a job for a very very long time, never ask how their job search is doing. If it was going well, I would have told you. talk about other things unless you have something meaningful to offer or they bring it up.

Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

#118

Post by ku-man »

ransom1538 wrote: post #88
scionthefly wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

After a recent devastating family tragedy, a friend reached out and said "we are paying a lawn service to mow for you." It was unexpected, related to something I had posted about trying to fix our riding lawnmower, and honestly took a huge chore off of our plate at a time when we needed to focus on family. I've appreciated so many things people have done for us, from just a message, card, shoulder to cry on, or visit…

My friend: "I can't pay my rent." Me: "Whats your venmo". 4 minutes later.... My friend: "wtf I can't pay this back" Me: "Good i don't do loans" Put in the cash or effort. When you help someone down, they never forget.

No post body was provided.

Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

#119

Post by progman32 »

sobkas wrote: post #112
ransom1538 wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My friend: "I can't pay my rent." Me: "Whats your venmo". 4 minutes later.... My friend: "wtf I can't pay this back" Me: "Good i don't do loans" Put in the cash or effort. When you help someone down, they never forget.

> My friend: "I can't pay my rent." > Me: "Whats your venmo". > 4 minutes later.... > My friend: "wtf I can't pay this back" > Me: "Good i don't do loans" > Put in the cash or effort. When you help someone down, they never forget. Yep, they will never forget humiliation of depending on someone else's charity and will always hate you for it. But because it would be impolite to say it straight to your face they will fi…

Yes this would be mortifying to some people. I noticed my friend was having trouble with their car jack and dropped off a new one for them. They felt humiliated. Not saying don't do it, but be sure you know your friend if you do this. The "and you can't pay me back" is maybe the ouchiest part. It's unfortunate because the person giving the gift is usually genuinely trying to help, only to be slapped in the face.

Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

#120

Post by scruple »

mkl95 wrote: post #113

A couple of (former) teammates were laid off recently. In both cases I was honest and told them I didn't agree with leadership's decision, and I asked them if they had some project lined up. Both of them said they were taking some time off and not thinking about work for a while. It aligns with my personal experience when I was laid off.

A very good friend was hit by a recent BigTechCo layoff. He has the financial security to take some months off but his immigration status has rendered him scrambling. I wish there were serious efforts to reform that entire system. I'm putting feelers out on his behalf but there's really not much else I can do to help him and it's frustrating.
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