Try lifting heavy weights. A starter program like strong lifts or starting strength is a good start
Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
111–120 of 568 posts
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#112I was only awkward and shy around the people I wanted to be confident around, such as women that were more beautiful than other women, and had high and predictable consensus around that coveted level of attractiveness (as opposed to something more subjective).
What helped me was realizing that everyone is going through something similar in new situations.
The attractive person has the same anxieties as the unattractive person. The same random allocation of life issues, bad experiences, good experiences.
This is somewhat tangential, but helped me: its also a reinforcing reason to prioritize using energy on primarily the most visually and sexually attractive people - which was where the awkwardness could materialize - because people that only can rely on convincing you they have "a nice personality" or "attractive on the inside" are eclipsed or totally obscured by people that are also attractive on the outside because hot people can also be hot on the inside.
Basically, the internal and mental stuff is the same, so after realizing that, its easier to not be led astray if you are interested in something more coveted by more people.
As some others wrote, improving yourself helps a lot, posture, hygiene, living arrangement (better part of town, new town). How that factors into my note, yeah you still have to attract the other people and a lot of that involves gender neutral tweaks. If you live in a coveted and also convenient part of town, it conveys enough and you have more opportunities to attract people to things because of how towns are organized.
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#113See what you can get out of them. View meeting new people as a potential opportunity for arbitrage.
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#114Ecstasy. I had massive problems speaking with people. I ended up going to a rave with some friends, took some molly, had an amazing time talking to people and then realized that if I could do that with a drug then I could probably do it without a drug. (I haven’t done e in over a decade). I still had some issues with public speaking so during my mba I forced myself to give every presentation possible. This largely so…
Not the first time I’ve heard of this.
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#115Ecstasy. I had massive problems speaking with people. I ended up going to a rave with some friends, took some molly, had an amazing time talking to people and then realized that if I could do that with a drug then I could probably do it without a drug. (I haven’t done e in over a decade). I still had some issues with public speaking so during my mba I forced myself to give every presentation possible. This largely so…
To that I would add listening to Mark Farina Mushroom Jazz, Vol. 1:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIuW-OJY2uY
This is to get in touch with your inner mojo. Also Vol. 8 is awesome.
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#116I am normally very reserved. Quiet, bookish.
I was traveling alone in the Caribbean and on the flight I decided the trip would be more fun if I had friends. I decided to just say hi to every person and strike up a conversation if they were interested.
I made a crew of 8 friends, we did everything together and kept in touch for years.
Just make a point to say hi and be open to having a conversation.
If you can’t think of anything to say: Speak about something you find interesting Engage with the person you’re talking to and figure out what they’re interested in
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#117I was voted shyest kid in my high school class. My brain would go white during any attempt at public speaking, and I was super awkward around any new people.
Much of it came from being extremely sensitive. So much worry about what other people thought, and that any esteem in which you may be held could be destroyed at any moment.
A couple things changed: I joined team sports and programming competitions, which strengthened my self-esteem and confidence. Eventually, I grew to understand my lizard brain's reactions could consciously override them. For example, several years back, I was invited to speak at a conference in China, and my first thought was "NOOO" but then I realized I'd regret that and when else do you get to see a new country on someone else's dime? So it's worth optimizing for opportunity. It's kind of like the improv rule. Always say yes, and see where it goes.
But it never completely fades. I'm a seasoned and respected engineer and I still get sweaty hands and an elevated heart rate even when giving status updates to my team of five years.
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#118Play in a band! Not only do you have to maintain relationships, and thus conversations with 4 other people, but playing shows gives you a reason to leave the house and meet new people!
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#119> It's common to advise hitting on the gym, which I just started doing last week. Funnily, the gym is the place where I last noticed my awkward behavior :)
If you are able to, consider a home gym to first get comfortable with what you are doing or hire a personal trainer at a public gym.
This person gives positive gym talk - https://www.tiktok.com/@thejoeyswoll?lang=en
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#120I realised social approval doesn't matter, and then everything was fine. Obviously I still try to do my best, but now that I'm doing it for me and not for getting approval or impressing people, suddenly it isn't about confidence anymore. The self-failure of not trying is worse than getting negative feedback, so hiding in my shell isn't an option anymore.