Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

An introverts guide to increasing energy

ashleyjanssen.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

111–120 of 149 posts

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#111

Post by robryan »

amelius wrote: post #47
tartoran wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I actually find large groups distracting and disorienting to the point that I have a hard time decoding conversations and that extra churn is what exhausts me in the first place. Also, trying to keep the mask on is also a bit exhausting so the moment I tell everyone that Im introverted and no longer have to pretend Im not things start to improve a bit. Having said that, I think you have a point with the threat percep…

> I have a hard time decoding conversations and that extra churn is what exhausts me in the first place Yes. The more you shy away from big gatherings, the harder it becomes to decode audio signals in noisy environments. It also doesn't help if you're much smaller or taller than other people.

At some events like weddings people insist on having very loud music on making it very hard to hold any kind of conversation at the same time as not really being socially acceptable not to try and have them.

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#113

Post by ww520 »

hliyan wrote: post #31

For over 25 years I wondered why social events drained me and what neurological phenomenon the metaphor "energy" stood for (which this article and many others like it don't seem to bother investigating). I've recently come to realize that it's the extent to which you see other human beings as a threat, which causes your brain to keep its "shields up", which can feel exhausting. After a observing myself a lot during s…

Describing the "energy" as the mental energy spent coping with the social environment is a very good insight. I found myself exhausted after a long conversation, especially one to one highly technical discussion. If it's a group and I can sit back to listen to others and to interject from time to time, I don't feel drained.

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#114

Post by pessimizer »

MichailP wrote: post #73
hliyan wrote: post #31

For over 25 years I wondered why social events drained me and what neurological phenomenon the metaphor "energy" stood for (which this article and many others like it don't seem to bother investigating). I've recently come to realize that it's the extent to which you see other human beings as a threat, which causes your brain to keep its "shields up", which can feel exhausting. After a observing myself a lot during s…

I must add that this feeling "people judging you" is mostly YOU. That is we THINK what other people are thinking, as we don't have direct link to their brains. The intensity of this feeling is related to your personal feeling of your self worth, which again doesn't have much to do with any realistic criteria. From my personal experience people love you, find you interesting, miss you when you are not there, etc. much…

I don't think this is completely true, because I'm fairly sure I have an accurate idea about how people feel about me, and am rarely surprised. I do think it is more true for some than others.

Like you, I blame it on the Illusion of Transparency: when we try to guess what other people are thinking about us, we do so with complete awareness of ourselves, so that model we make of other people is unnaturally good at seeing our flaws, especially the ones we're making an effort to conceal. Not only are people generally great at lying (they're not going to see through you), but they're likely also not paying that much attention to you.

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#115

Post by rsyring »

cortesoft wrote: post #112

This is all great.... except I have kids. I dont get to choose to have alone time. I can't tell my two year old that I just need an hour to relax.

An option: play the Q-tip game. Get any safe small object that fits in your hand. Show it to your kid and tell them the game is to get the object from your hand. Then lay down, put your hand under your body, relax, and say "go."

Rollover every little bit and let them "get it" from you every 5 mins or so. Kids usually love this, there is low energy physical engagement from you, but mostly you can just rest and enjoy the fun they are having. Can get hours of "rest" out of this with a two year old.

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#116

Post by mrsmee89 »

mckirk wrote: post #20
mrsmee89 wrote: post #12

As someone who typically gets their energy depleted around people, there are certain people that increase my energy. There are also times where I almost need to interact with people on a biological level. Listening to my body is the thing that weirdly, used to take up a lot of energy because I wasn’t used to/ allowed to as a child. So I was constantly making difficult real-time decisions. As an adult, I’ve learned ho…

Could you elaborate a bit on how you weren't allowed to listen to your body as a child, and what kind of difficult real-time decisions that meant you had to make? Also, how did you work on improving that as an adult?

@wpietri sums up what I meant very well.

I’ll just add, a concrete method of improving my ability to “listen to my body” is shifting my attention to a specific part of my body especially when I feel vague discomfort. I tend to focus on my torso or chest. This really helps center my experience around noticing instead of judging.

As a bonus, this shift in perspective also allows me to connect with others more authentically.

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#117

Post by sewzastep »

artificialLimbs wrote: post #82

>> "Listen to your body and learn your limits" This was the most important lesson one for me, while it was applicable. The 'Listen to your body' part, anyway. I used to get drained around others, especially big crowds. I was always watching others, and 'becoming' them by putting all my attention outside myself. I heard of the technique of maintaining attention/focus inside the body. So I picked the belly, which turns…

> I heard of the technique of maintaining attention/focus inside the body

meditation helped me a ton with social anxiety too. It allowed me to be OK with not knowing the right things to say.

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#118

Post by tartoran »

Vedor wrote: post #97
astrophysics wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow, maybe this explains why I can't hear anything in large groups of people.

Just curious, have you checked your hearing recently? For a long time I believed that I can't hear anything in large groups because I'm introvert (which I am) and large groups exhaust me. Turned out to be hearing problem. And the thing is that I never had a feeling that my hearing is poor. But some day I got tinnitus that did not go away over time, and after some tests I learnt that I'm almost deaf for high-frequency…

My hearing isn’t too bad, I tested it and I can hear okay. My problem is decoding speech in noisy environments, it is somewhat delayed and iffy at times. I am more inclined to think theres an audio processing issue. Haven’t tested for CAPD - central audio processing syndrome and am not sure it would help me any if I have it. Im at the stage of accepting my weaknesses, I used to be hard on myself before.

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#119

Post by lobocinza »

GDC7 wrote: post #108
MichailP wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I must add that this feeling "people judging you" is mostly YOU. That is we THINK what other people are thinking, as we don't have direct link to their brains. The intensity of this feeling is related to your personal feeling of your self worth, which again doesn't have much to do with any realistic criteria. From my personal experience people love you, find you interesting, miss you when you are not there, etc. much…

> The intensity of this feeling is related to your personal feeling of your self worth Calling none sense. IT'S NOT IN YOUR HEAD! There are objective levels to it. Say I work in film making and specialize on actors wardrobes , I can make a good living, perhaps even reach a 7 figures net worth. Fast forward award seasons comes around, during the afterparties everybody wants to talk and interact with the stars. Even if…

I think people just not think about people that don't matter to them.

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#120

Post by artificialLimbs »

sewzastep wrote: post #117
artificialLimbs wrote: post #82

>> "Listen to your body and learn your limits" This was the most important lesson one for me, while it was applicable. The 'Listen to your body' part, anyway. I used to get drained around others, especially big crowds. I was always watching others, and 'becoming' them by putting all my attention outside myself. I heard of the technique of maintaining attention/focus inside the body. So I picked the belly, which turns…

> I heard of the technique of maintaining attention/focus inside the body meditation helped me a ton with social anxiety too. It allowed me to be OK with not knowing the right things to say.

I had been meditating (zazen) for about 10 years prior to beginning this practice.
Post reply on HN