>> I talk about my mental health to anyone who will listen, and also try to those who won’t.
Sorry, that's just plain rude.
I will never not talk about my depression
111–120 of 125 posts
Re: I will never not talk about my depression
#112Earlier quoted context omitted.
If you're already convinced the world is as you see it, there's no point having a discussion. The reality is that the world is a _really_ complex place, and one narrative simply doesn't cover everything, we're not all the same, not all companies are the same, not all societies/groups/cities/nations are the same. I'm aware that women are disadvantaged in some cases, maybe even in companies that put a lot of effort int…
The OP said: In my opinion, this attitude she's portraying is a dangerous attitude to have. This victimhood seems core to her identity. I'm not trying to shame the condition, I'm trying to say that the condition shouldn't become some core part of your identity. So if you are a woman, it's not okay to say "My gender is an obstacle to my career success and it's literally crazy making." And if you do the more socially a…
I have personally hired a number of woman for senior developer jobs and they have all done well. Better than some of the guys I have hired. If it truly is impossible for woman to do well in a male dominated industry, how do you explain that?
Re: I will never not talk about my depression
#113Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm doing my best and nothing really works anyway. This is probably something that most of us can relate to at some point in our lives.
I don't know if that's supposed to be sympathetic or dismissive or what, but especially in combo with the downvotes, it's hard to not see it as dismissive. A woman says "It's not socially acceptable to talk about your gender being a factor in having trouble making your career work", gets downvoted to hell. People fail to see the irony. I've been on HN nearly twelve years as part of an overall good faith effort to sor…
I work with female senior software engineers and project managers, and have personally hired quite a few. They seem to be doing great, are well respected, and doesn’t seem to have the problems you are advocating. So obviously what you consider to be universally true isn’t. My guess is that you have been unlucky and worked for companies with bad cultures? I have personally worked in a company that was toxic to everybody (male/female/…) and the only solution is to jump ship until you find a good one. They are out there.
Re: I will never not talk about my depression
#114Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm doing my best and nothing really works anyway. This is probably something that most of us can relate to at some point in our lives.
I don't know if that's supposed to be sympathetic or dismissive or what, but especially in combo with the downvotes, it's hard to not see it as dismissive. A woman says "It's not socially acceptable to talk about your gender being a factor in having trouble making your career work", gets downvoted to hell. People fail to see the irony. I've been on HN nearly twelve years as part of an overall good faith effort to sor…
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Re: I will never not talk about my depression
#115Earlier quoted context omitted.
If you're already convinced the world is as you see it, there's no point having a discussion. The reality is that the world is a _really_ complex place, and one narrative simply doesn't cover everything, we're not all the same, not all companies are the same, not all societies/groups/cities/nations are the same. I'm aware that women are disadvantaged in some cases, maybe even in companies that put a lot of effort int…
The OP said: In my opinion, this attitude she's portraying is a dangerous attitude to have. This victimhood seems core to her identity. I'm not trying to shame the condition, I'm trying to say that the condition shouldn't become some core part of your identity. So if you are a woman, it's not okay to say "My gender is an obstacle to my career success and it's literally crazy making." And if you do the more socially a…
The world is not a uniform place. Not everything is Netherlands, not everything is the US. Some of my best colleagues in software have been women (older ones, too), I have hired women and never ever preferred anyone because of their gender. I have trouble even understanding the concept because of my autism spectrum disorder.
All of this can be an indication of all being fine where I live. Or it can be an indication of my biases being well hidden. And both can be different where you are. “Women don’t know the secret handshake” could be a thing wherever you are based in and it could be that there is some underlying issue you are not aware of. Or it can be both or neither. This is why people flag the comment: our experiences differ wildly and generalizations thus tend to rub a lot of people the wrong way.
Also, as a male, I’ve always had the feeling of “not knowing the secret handshake”. I don’t fit in, I don’t usually get a call when somebody starts something new. I don’t get invited to a night out. Has nothing to do with the gender, I’m just not a pleasant person to be around. I know this and am working on accepting this after years of trying to change it. Might not be applicable in your case, but one can experience very similar treatment that women apparently do in some places for very different reasons.
Re: I will never not talk about my depression
#116Earlier quoted context omitted.
depression eventually gets you to the point that you can't work no matter how critical that employment is to your well being you just stop showing up or quit in a mental breakdown. sick leave is a nice alternative and i agree it must be nice to have that option but when you say "feeling depressed" vs being depressed i think you have the wrong idea about it.
What do you call it when your wife who you deeply love develops schizophrenia and bi-polar tendencies less than a year after you get married and then you sacrifice your 20's to take care of her only for her to end up killing herself, and then you feel sad and try to block the sad memories that make you feel depressed by working all the time and putting yourself to sleep every night for the next ten years by drinking…
depression is about what you can and can't do regardless the shit you've been through - I won't put a label on your life experience, but if you can function well and enjoy it you're probably not depressed
Re: I will never not talk about my depression
#117Earlier quoted context omitted.
I couldn't agree more. It was also a red flag when she said that she wanted to normalize her depression. Depression, like any other mental illness, should be destigmatized but not normalized. Through out the entire post she outlined exactly why it should not be normalized. It's a debilitating disorder that should not be left untreated. I think to try and normalize it would leave the impression that severe depression…
I agree with you about "normalization" vs "de-stigmatization", but I can't imagine she meant "normalization" like this? > people like me are here, everywhere, you could be me at any point in your life That's a very important point, and I believe that's what she meant by "normalise". "Normalise" in the "people with depression are normal people with an illness, not 'ill people', anyone can be affected because it's a no…
The word "normalize" carries a lot of cultural baggage / implication since its adoption by the woke twitter crowd. Often, "normalize X" means "I want X to be common, I encourage doing X".
Re: I will never not talk about my depression
#118I've seen very promising people lose their dreams to depression. Often times, I think back to one profoundly talented programmer who I met in Miami years ago, who is no longer with us. (When I met her and saw what she was working on, I was intimidated to see what a high schooler these days could do, and to be honest I breathed a sigh of relief when I found out she was an outlier.) What a tragedy, and what a loss that…
Chances are there was nothing wrong with her. When you have the ability to see from miles away the odds stacked against you, sticking around takes a bit of insanity.
This comment went from +3 votes to -4. How depressing.
Re: I will never not talk about my depression
#119Earlier quoted context omitted.
I don't know if that's supposed to be sympathetic or dismissive or what, but especially in combo with the downvotes, it's hard to not see it as dismissive. A woman says "It's not socially acceptable to talk about your gender being a factor in having trouble making your career work", gets downvoted to hell. People fail to see the irony. I've been on HN nearly twelve years as part of an overall good faith effort to sor…
I work with female senior software engineers and project managers, and have personally hired quite a few. They seem to be doing great, are well respected, and doesn’t seem to have the problems you are advocating. So obviously what you consider to be universally true isn’t. My guess is that you have been unlucky and worked for companies with bad cultures? I have personally worked in a company that was toxic to everybo…
This doesn’t have to be universally true to be true for her. I also didn’t really see her claiming that this is universally true.
Re: I will never not talk about my depression
#120I've quit a job because I was going through bad depression before and I didn't think I could do a good job. I even asked for part time work, so I understand where she's coming from, but.. In my opinion, this attitude she's portraying is a dangerous attitude to have. This victimhood seems core to her identity. I'm not trying to shame the condition, I'm trying to say that the condition shouldn't become some core part o…
The irony of it all is that the author did just that, talk about her depression.
Many people are habitual malcontents (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malcontent). My parents were like that their entire life, and I picked it up and don’t know how to kick it (mostly try by shutting up). It’s awful way to be, but once it’s in you, good god it’s impossible to feel happy.
It’s not clinical depression, it’s just a miserable disposition that can often be dressed in the guise of woe-is-me, the forever teenage goth kid.
You see, I just did it again.