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Myths About Introverts

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Re: Myths About Introverts

#111

Post by lss456 »

SoftwareMaven wrote: post #36
ignifero wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As an introvert, i understand very well how extroverts think. For years i tried to become more extroverted, only to discover at a certain point that it's a dysfunctional path that leads to a superficial, seemingly fullfilling but unfocused and non-goal-directed lives. The nuance of conversation is a charm, it fades fast. The way I see it is time management: life is short, do you want to spend most of it dealing with…

I don't think you could have come up with a comment that more perfectly illustrated the GP's comments. An introvert trying to understand being an extrovert is like a white guy trying to understand what it's like to be black. It's not who you are, so no amount of pretending is going to give you a true understanding. I'm very much an introvert, but over the years, I've learned that networking is a critical part of bein…

Haha. As a white guy, I perfectly understand how black guys think. For years I tried to become more black, only to discover at a certain point that it's a dysfunctional path that leads to a superficial, seemingly fulfilling but unfocused and non-goal-directed lives.

My real point is that anyone who believes they KNOW how anyone else thinks is wrong. It's a very egotistical thought to have that you know so well what another person thinks or feels.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#112

Post by rokhayakebe »

dkarl wrote: post #52

Just somebody (presumably an introvert) denying common negative generalizations about introverts without providing any supporting references or analysis. Turns out (thank you, oblique63) it was an off-the-cuff list thought up by someone who read a self-help book and was inspired to "redefine [his] entire life in a new and positive context." Seeing introversion as a preference or identity is fine as long as you have a…

Ok, so I upvoted you, but maaan do you have it wrong.

I am the definition of introversion (to myself, avoid crowds, do not need to chat with everyone at the party, content with silence that others think is awkward, definitely do not want to ever be the center of attention, like to be alone with my thoughts ...)

"What, you don't want to go to the Nicki Minaj concert?" "Let me explain. You see, I'm an introvert...."

I have been to concerts by myself just because my friends do not like Coldplay, or would not pay a hundred to watch Jay Z, or just wanted to be out of the house. Guess what? I always had a blast.

I have been to the movies alone. My ex girlfriend used to hate me for this one. So now I do not tell anyone I date when I need a freaking night alone at the theather. It's my dirty little secret.

I go clubbing mostly by myself because my friends like to go to places I do not like. On top of that I am shy, but boy do I talk to girls. "It takes one man to talk to girls", you do not need a wingman to talk to girls. You only need a nice smile, and attitude.

I do not like hiking, true, but I do take shorts trips in remote places where it would be advisable to have someone with you. I prefer to do this alone. Danger or not.

I do not like smalltalk, because it is just that smalltalk, but I understand society deals with me as I am so I make an effort to deal with society as it is, hence I do the smalltalk in order to find something that may appeal. You almost always find it within a minute.

EDIT: Introvert does not mean antisocial.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#113

Post by amosson »

Here's an anecdote.

My first job out of collage was with a Big 6 accounting firm as a IT consultant. As part of training, we took the Myers-Briggs test (which places you on the Introvert/Extravert spectrum) and spent an entire day discussing the results. The message of the day was any of the different personality types can thrive and people should be aware of other's personality styles and taylor their interactions given what they know about themselves and what they know about the people they are interacting with. This was/is an important lesson and has been helpful in my career.

They ended the day with a set of two slides that broke down the population of the firm as a whole and the population of the partners in the firm. 80% of the firm were extraverts and >95% of the partners where extraverts. So the other lesson I learned that day, was that if you want to be in a sales-y leadership position, you better learn to behave like an extravert.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#114

Post by AlexC04 »

mcantor wrote: post #106

Am I the only person who just can't figure out whether I'm an "introvert" or an "extrovert" no matter how hard I try? I hate small talk (and love Smalltalk), but love meeting people. I value unfiltered honesty, but prefer effective communication. I love to be alone with my thoughts, but sometimes I just need to go out and make an idiot of myself at a party. Am I really the only person in the universe with a mutant 'v…

Look up big five personality test online. (Check my other comment in this thread for a link) you'll find that E/I is a spectrum of opposites. Most likely you sit somewhere in the middle - or score high in both E & I.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#115

Post by pjscott »

int3rnaut wrote: post #94

Why can't we all just get past labels and respect one another for who we are and act--there wouldn't be a need for this blog post if that was the case which is reason enough to try for that better future.

Labels are sometimes handy for quickly getting an approximate idea of what kind of person you're interacting with. For example, I'm a human rather than (say) a turtle or a supernova, so the "human" label is very useful for telling you how to interact with me.

Labels among humans have subtler distinctions behind them, but when people fall in useful clusters, labels can be useful if you bear in mind that they're necessarily fuzzy concepts. My gender is male, I have a fairly nerdy personality, I enjoy hiking and various such outdoor activities -- surely these are potentially useful things to know about me, even if they are not perfect descriptions of me, and do not define my identity.

Labels aren't bad; just too often misused.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#116

Post by rokhayakebe »

parfe wrote: post #42

This article is nothing more than a chain-mail style bullshit list and it's sad to see it voted up so highly. I suppose it's a nice ego-stroke for all the self described introverts, but most of the "myths" are actually supported by their counter-descriptions. The Original Source appears to be: http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts They hate small talk. Small talk is a social skill. and when meetin…

* I suppose it's a nice ego-stroke for all the self described introverts*

No it isn't. My friend of 8 years, and also my roomate for 4 years told me Sunday I was being rude because he had his friends over and I retreated to my quarters. People just do not understand introversion, so it is good to just send them a link like this.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#117

Post by hugh3 »

billswift wrote: post #88
hugh3 wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It also establishes the fundamental fact "This is a friendly conversation". If I walk into my subordinate's office right now and say "Have you finished that graph yet?" then that communicates that I'm really impatient about getting that graph. Which would be fine if I am, but I'm not. If I do that, I'll just make him jumpy and anxious. Instead I'll wander down to his office and start with a "Hey, how's it going?" bef…

So instead of asking a 5 second question and letting him get back to work, you turn it into a 5 minute demonstration of your superiority by forcing him to pay attention to you instead of what he was doing.

More like a one-minute interaction which communicates a lot more stuff in subtext than a five-second interaction could hope to... including the fact that I'm not scary and that he should feel free to ask me for help if he needs it.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#118

Post by rokhayakebe »

bluekeybox wrote: post #41
drblast wrote: post #32

The assumption that there's something wrong with not interacting with other people eagerly and often strikes me as oddly egotistical. Other people aren't alive solely for the enjoyment of extraverts. The "problem," if there is one, is that extraverts are uncomfortable and find it difficult to interact with introverts. But this is as much the fault of extraverted people as it is of introverted people. They speak a dif…

> Why are extraverts so threatened by anyone who won't interact with them on their terms? I act as an extravert in certain situations and as an introvert in others, so I feel qualified to answer your question. Extraverts don't always interact with everyone -- for example, in circles where social cliques are established, extraverts will interact with people outside of their clique less often. I call this "exclusionary…

extraverts will interact with people outside of their clique less often. I call this "exclusionary" behavior

Touche. There is only one center of attention, and I have noticed extreme extroverts will not let you in if you are going to take away from their attention. It's like drug.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#119

Post by chrischen »

Helianthus wrote: post #79
parfe wrote: post #42

This article is nothing more than a chain-mail style bullshit list and it's sad to see it voted up so highly. I suppose it's a nice ego-stroke for all the self described introverts, but most of the "myths" are actually supported by their counter-descriptions. The Original Source appears to be: http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts They hate small talk. Small talk is a social skill. and when meetin…

I agree with your general point about the chain-mail style bullshit, but it's not just an ego-stroke for self-described introverts: many are value judgments against introverts. >Myth #7 – Introverts are weird. Introverts (in my experience) _reject the concept of weird_. Social decisions like who's "in" and who's "out" hold no weight. Until this is understood, you're (by you I mean the writer, not you, parfe) not coun…

Err... the fact that "fix themselves" is in quotes implies there may or may not even be anything to fix.
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