This is a horrible fate and I wish the parents of the boy all the best. It's important that you don't beat yourself up and search for regrets though. Maybe that's part of griefing but it's not okay if it stays. It's very important to look out emotionally for yourself, only then you can reliably look out for others.
It's later than you think
111–120 of 147 posts
Re: It's later than you think
#112[deleted]
Re: It's later than you think
#113Reading this post I can't help but feel for the sibling. When I was 5 I lost my sister and best friend; you just aren't equipped to deal with the event at that age.
Yes, so many years with the pains unravelling as you learn to cope with that loss. Children are great at handling traumatic events, but it doesn't mean it's any less traumatic. That poor kid is probably going to struggle with this for a long time.
Re: It's later than you think
#114Such a heart breaking story. For me it was taking a walk around the office and seeing a private plane take off from San Carlos airport, here its engine sputter, and then watching as it fell from the sky into the "lagoon" next to a hotel. Life ends. Really slammed home how a 'normal' day could suddenly be a really bad day, or your last day. One of the unfortunate challenges of tech work is that as someone young and si…
[deleted]
Re: It's later than you think
#115I have liked this video by Sam Harris for several years now. It is all to easy to go through life, lost in discursive thought:
Re: It's later than you think
#116Earlier quoted context omitted.
At some point your family is not so much the people you were born to or grew up with, but the people you've chosen to be with, build a live together... Also, if I had to guess, no one has ever looked back on their life and said 'I wish I had spent more time being deliberately obtuse on the Internet' either.
> At some point your family is not so much the people you were born to or grew up with, but the people you've chosen to be with, build a live together... Point still holds though. Your "made" family (marriage, heck, even kids) might turn up not to be all that great either. Happens to millions... > Also, if I had to guess, no one has ever looked back on their life and said 'I wish I had spent more time being deliberat…
I think they meant the people that become your real family. It doesn’t have to be marriage. It can be a select of friends where a strong bond has formed.
Re: It's later than you think
#117Remember that performative workaholism is poison to life. Every time you put in more hours over the weekend "just because", dial in to a meeting on your vacation, or get on Slack at 10 PM "just to check a few things" - you're shifting the culture to make it that much more acceptable to demand it of everyone. The parents in your meetings that run until 7:30 bitterly hate you. It might seem OK when you're single, child…
What bothers me about this attitude is that it totally ignores the rewards for working hard for at least part of your life, and it also relies on the idea that everyone subscribe to the same theory, which makes those pushing it suspicious in their motivations. "You shouldn't work hard because if you do, it makes me look bad and I don't want to look bad or work hard." Some people have lives and the capacity optimized…
The thing about "at least part of your life" in that equation is that there will always be fresh meat coming down the line "just doing your time".
Also, it's OK to work hard. Work your ass off if you like. Just try not to get shafted. If nothing else it would help if overtime rules were meaningful.
Re: It's later than you think
#118Condolences for your loss...
We should all focus on things that matter in our lives and not take as granted that we (or our loved ones) will be around for ever.
Stories like this remind me of a nice post about the “lifetime calendar”: https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/05/life-weeks.html
Re: It's later than you think
#119i went through a very similar experience a year ago. its been hard looking to go back to work, in particular responding to the inevitable question of "what have you been doing the past year". if you respond truthfully, its so shocking the interviewer never knows how to process it, so almost immediately feels like the doors just close. i know these things dont happen every day, and they are existentially challenging to contemplate, but they do happen. if you're responsible for hiring, please remember that your candidates are first and foremost human beings. i wish the author luck when he is ready to begin the next chapter.
Re: It's later than you think
#120I live in Portland. I switched to being a software developer when my son was born, starting a new career.
I make probably $20K less than my peers. (I make $82K a year as a fourth year C# software dev. I've got a law degree and am willing to travel around the country a few weeks a year for stakeholder meetings.)
I'm home every day by 3:15. I take my son to the library, to the park, to the forest, to OMSI, on weekdays. Some days he and I just sit on the couch reading and talking about superheroes for two hours until dinner.
Do I feel envious of my peers who make more? Yes. A lot. The urge to keep up with the Joneses is strong. Do I second guess my decision? Never. My job is relaxed, I come home and party with my son and wife with energy. I cried reading this story, but it only affirms my decision.