Are we happier when we spend more time with others? • Hacker News Board

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#111

Post by Kaiyou » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 2:13 PM UTC

codingdave wrote: post #86

jerryuen wrote: post #4

I found this study to be a good reference but I question how useful some of the data are for 20-30 years old people nowadays because: 1. The study started in 1938, which is a very different time comparing to today. Young people has way more options to enjoy life alone such as traveling, playing video games, watching youtube by themselves just to name a few. 2. The participants are mostly 90 years old now and it is un…

> Young people has way more options to enjoy life alone such as... I've never quite bought this argument. Yes, the choices are different. 100 years ago travel might be by train. Or hitch-hiking. Instead of video games you had a deck of cards and played solitaire. Today we have MMORPGs, back then it was again cards, sitting around a table. They didn't watch YouTube, but absolutely read books and newspapers.

Things you could do alone back then were kind of boring, while you can do really engaging stuff alone nowadays. Like talking to other people over the Internet.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#112

Post by Retra » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 2:21 PM UTC

leetcrew wrote: post #96

ur-whale wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>In my experience no human is ok with being socially isolated for a long period of time Citation needed. There was an article on HN a couple of weeks back about a guy who spent 20+ years alone in the woods and was perfectly happy for it.

>> In my experience no human is ok with being socially isolated for a long period of time > Citation needed. for their experience?

It's a bit incongruous to talk about "all humans" when you haven't experienced them all. Asking for a citation is asking for a justification for this generalization, not for a citation about the experience itself.

I mean, if the argument was "no human I've met can stand being alone for long periods of time", the obvious problem is selection bias: you don't meet people who like being alone.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#113

Post by effie » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 2:56 PM UTC

slx26 wrote: post #100

hq992 wrote: post #9

I need to spend time with people. I feel miserable when I don't. I doesn't matter if it's quality time, I can literally be doing nothing useful but if I'm sharing that time with someone else then it's all good. The irony is that I frequently don't because of some circumstances that I live in, but I'm working hard to change change that.

I'm pretty much the opposite. I can get along with people and I never have problems with others, but I just can't stand being with people. It completely drains me, and I tend to become depressed for a few days afterwards. It doesn't matter if the interaction is "pleasant" or not.

It is interesting how people are different. Perhaps some group evolution survival strategy? If all people liked being with other people, we would basicall end up all in single place and discover new places and new people far away more slowly. And if all people hated company, we could not build anything big such as towns or countries.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#114

Post by effie » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 3:00 PM UTC

rofo1 wrote: post #67

mapcars wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Happiness is exactly the same in every human being - is just a certain type of chemistry. In which ways people find access to it depends on person, environment, society and your background - this is what is unique. But all these things are indirect and involve (unreliable) mediums. There are ways to access this directly and be happy and ecstatic every single moment without literally anything.

This is correct and congruent with what science knows as of today. I sometimes wonder how the world will look like when we would have evolved our science to (perfectly) control the ratio of chemicals inside us. Imagine, happiness on a click. Something like quick dopamine release without side effects.

I am afraid such happiness would destroy us. Or make us a docile sheep with no ambitions. At least part of humanity accomplishments is because challenges induce chemical imbalances, they take you out of your comfort zone.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#115

Post by s_y_n_t_a_x » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 3:28 PM UTC

_8j50 wrote: post #27

In my experience no human is ok with being socially isolated for a long period of time. But difficulty with forming healthy social relationships makes the experience of attempting to "warm up" to others very unpleasant to people who don't get social exposure to begin with. Especially for anyone that performs extensive introspection it is very difficult and the experience can be interpreted as unhappiness. I think may…

I prefer my own company than others. Most days I was isolated, until I found my wife. But now we just isolate ourselves.

I haven't seen friends or family in months. There was a 5 year period where I didn't see anyone.

Time just goes by, and I'm so wrapped up in my own life that I don't notice.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#116

Post by kyuudou » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 3:29 PM UTC

randomsearch wrote: post #38

kr4 wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the key to attain ever-lasting happiness is to commit ourselves to doing kind or selfless deeds as a habit [0]. Scientifically it's been observed that when we make someone happy the same region lights up in our brain [1] when we do something to make ourselves happy. Coupled with meditation that makes you more mindful so you can be more kind (kindfullness), you can attain a state of mind in which you can remai…

Sharing this because I said it the other day and it seemed to resonate. Happiness is overvalued. Meaning or purpose is undervalued. Happiness is based on a transition: something new, a change of circumstances, and is by its nature temporary. Meaning and purpose are long term. Seek meaning, not happiness.

Also, eudaimonia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eudaimonia)

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#117

Post by cryptozeus » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 3:54 PM UTC

chewz wrote: post #29

cryptozeus wrote: post #26

May be not a popular opinion but I think we feel happier when we spend friends because it helps us forget about ourselves and inner dialogues. I don’t mean it in a sad or depressing way but our mind chatters all the time and it’s exhausting for the body’s resources. Spending time with others gives us break from that.

All of man’s problems stem from his inability to sit quietly in a room alone. -Blaise Pascal

Its a good quote but I don’t think society and world can support this. Why is there a room to begin with and why do you have to be forced to sit down in it. Completely counter intuitive. Same reason why meditation works for those 20 min.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#118

Post by stronglikedan » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 4:11 PM UTC

passwordreset wrote: post #110

stronglikedan wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Then you should talk to someone, because that doesn't sound healthy. There are no externalities that should be triggering depression.

My father just died, my mother is depressed. That's a natural, normal, healthy reaction to a traumatic externality. Being depressed as a result of meeting people that you don't want to meet seems perfectly normal to me. Talking to someone when you don't want to talk to them seems like it would only get you more depressed. IMO, bad advice, please rethink.

Your mother isn't depressed because your father died. You should not be feeling depressed because you meet some people you'd rather not. It seems like there are some unhealthy internalizations going on that can be identified by talking to someone (for a start). I hope for the best.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#119

Post by User23 » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 4:46 PM UTC

saiya-jin wrote: post #63

randomsearch wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sharing this because I said it the other day and it seemed to resonate. Happiness is overvalued. Meaning or purpose is undervalued. Happiness is based on a transition: something new, a change of circumstances, and is by its nature temporary. Meaning and purpose are long term. Seek meaning, not happiness.

> Seek meaning, not happiness. Hold your horses a bit here. Just because some mental model works for your, please don't do blanket statements for entire human civilization. I for example pursue many utterly selfish hobbies without any proper meaning to me or anybody else, full of objective dangers that can kill me in case of lack of attention (or pure bad time at bad spot situation), last time this Sunday (ended up w…

Display behaviors such as willful risk taking and demonstrating physical prowess that greatly increase your mating market value are far from meaningless or purposeless. That they also make you happy in themselves is wonderful, but even if they made you miserable and you just chose to do them anyhow they would still have meaning and purpose.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#120

Post by uhryks » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 4:52 PM UTC

losvedir wrote: post #106

onion2k wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can understand someone thinking video games and YouTube are just killing time (although I don't agree), but traveling ? That's pretty much universally accepted as one of the best things you can do to improve yourself.

Not universally. For example, I disagree. I've lived in three countries and the experiences have been incredibly rewarding and interesting. But I've traveled to dozens of countries and while I enjoy those trips (that's why I did them after all!) it's very superficial. I know people like to be exposed to different cultures and ways of life, but I feel you just can't really meaningfully do that in only a week or two fr…

Very much this. I travelled around Europe and what's left to me of these trips have almost nothing to do with being exposed to other cultures and that stuff. I agree that a bunch of weeks of traveling, especially if you don't know the language, is very superficial. My memories of these are mostly about the time spent with the people I travelled with —mostly family.