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Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

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Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#111
post #80

Incredible how the subtext here is "loneliness requires healthcare" rather than, say, "loneliness requires coordinated social change". Almost as if the goal is "how can we frame loneliness as an illness and reap some sweet insurance money."

I kind of agree with you, but what does positive "coordinated social change" look like? I can only think of negative ones, like those that occurred with radical political changes, or else explicit/thinly-veiled marketing campaigns for consumer goods..

That's a great question and I've been trying to figure it out myself for a while. I oscillate between "technology has given us new ways to connect and we just need to leverage them" and "technology broke our existing coordination mechanisms and replaced them with something fundamentally worse for human well-being."

I do think a backlash is already underway against Facebook, at least. This is a step in the right direction, as social media seems to intensity loneliness. The internet can be a tool for community-building -- I see other comments mentioning meetup.com, and I've met many people through Twitter and other online social channels -- but none of the solutions (by my estimation) seem quite there yet in terms of helping people find groups that might suit them and providing a means for keeping people together long-term.

I actually think the most important solutions rest primarily in land use. The "new urbanism" ideas of walkability and mixed-use buildings seem to encourage more casual interactions (which ultimately becomes deeper interaction over time) as people live their lives. On the other hand, I live in Manhattan and I'm still lonely. It's hard to say what will work.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#112

I think a huge factor is the growing theme of social interaction being unacceptable. Back in the day you could walk up to and make friends with almost anyone, it wasn't weird to interact with strangers, thus making new acquaintances. Modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction, don't talk to people you don't know if you don't want to be ostracized. You could want to befriend someone in a crowd, but come up wi…

I do think people tend to engage with strangers a lot less often than they had "back then," but I cannot agree modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction at all. You can see people interacting with strangers on college campuses, at music events, and at grocery stores all the time.

Modern society doesn't overtly stigmatize social interaction, it encourages social isolation at a structural level. Car dependent suburban sprawl is designed to minimize the number of necessary interactions you need to have with strangers to get through your day. As a society we've gone to great lengths to avoid other people. The miracle of modern civilization is that you no longer need to be a part of a community and cultivate a series of interdependent relationships to get through life.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#113

Many reasons for this, and many good ones have already been noted, but I haven't seen anyone mention time yet. Americans work a lot. If you don't make friends at work, or you don't maintain friendships from high school or college, you're working on limited time and energy - as are the people you hope to befriend (though you don't know who they are yet). If you have a family, it's even harder. I don't have kids, and w…

> Many reasons for this, and many good ones have already been noted, but I haven't seen anyone mention time yet. Americans work a lot.

This one is kind of easy. I work A LOT too, but when I’m not, I’m also not: 1. Sitting at the computer, 2. Watching TV/Netflix, 3. Buried in my phone playing Candy Crush

A lot of things I used to say I couldn’t do, I started doing—purely by turning off the screens.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#114
post #79

> Few providers have focused on the loneliest population: 18- to 22-year-olds. While typically a low-risk population, young adults experience rates of loneliness and social isolation far higher than any other age group according to Cigna's recent survey. How is that the case? 18-to-22 seems like the easiest stage of adult life to make and keep friends. These are the youngest adults. They go out regularly, meet each o…

You probably don't know them, but single/divorced retirees are probably the loneliest folks. With no workplace to provide daily social exchange, unless they belong to a church, meeting others in a social setting becomes a huge challenge for seniors today. It's little wonder that the long venerated "joys of being retired" are undergoing a major rethink these days.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#115

For a long time I've been wanting a "Tinder For Platonic Adults" app. I'm not looking for romance or sex, but I want to find nearby matches with similar interests; do you drink, play board games, are you married, how many kids and what age? There are likely tens of matches for me within a 5 minute drive, I just don't know how to find them . I'm a friendly guy and would love to have that friend that feels comfortable…

craigslist

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#116

I think a huge factor is the growing theme of social interaction being unacceptable. Back in the day you could walk up to and make friends with almost anyone, it wasn't weird to interact with strangers, thus making new acquaintances. Modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction, don't talk to people you don't know if you don't want to be ostracized. You could want to befriend someone in a crowd, but come up wi…

I'm learning elixir and ios/android development to try and conquer this problem via friendly geolocation games which include lots of mandatory icebreakers like talking about favourites colors, current books being read and other harmless dumb stuff that helps get that social brain muscle pumping.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#117
I've never had a relationship and I think over 30 it's really hard to find one (especially if you never had one so don't have the "how to experience"). Everyone is either already married, or already divorced with kids, or just out of your league. The married part also has another effect: you won't get invited to a lot of events where people socialize, say a kids birthday party where the parents also come together.

Also I think it's a personal thing but I don't even try to make contact with anyone because of the whole climate of our society. Obviously it's divided and that's really bad on its own but I think about things like mansplaining. Basically you are reminded everywhere how bad it is and I agree on that but as an anxious person it makes even more less willing to make contact because I always have that thought of what if you are a doing something wrong, you will be accused of something etc.

Yeah reading back my comment doesnt really make any sense but... I feel that some people, some of us just meant to be forever alone for good or bad

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#118
post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Part of that is social interaction being less necessary. My dad made many friends asking random people on the street for directions to a gas station or for a restaurant recommendation. Now we get that all from our phones.

Do you see internet social interaction as being a sufficient replacement for meatspace social interaction?

I don’t think they are a replacement in that they work on a different level.

In a way we deeply lacked the level of discussion we get now online, a lot of opinions couldn’t be discuss effectively with neighbours (for better and for worse). I see them as a lot more genuine than any interactions we had before.

Ideally we need both of them, but I think from now on there will always be a split between very personal online interactions and softer “human” interactions IRL.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#119
post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Public health crises require coordinated social change.

Indeed, but is loneliness primarily a health concern?

Yeah, suicides are climbing, up 50% since 1999. It's the #2 cause of death of people between 10-34. https://www.cdc.gov/injury/images/lc-charts/leading_causes_o...

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you see internet social interaction as being a sufficient replacement for meatspace social interaction?

I see it as a poor substitute. I'm in many many Discords and 95% of the active users refuse to join voice chat. Text is inefficient for resolving miscommunications and it, at least for me, is aggravating when 30 seconds of fast talk could have sufficed

Yeah, agreed. I'm also in plenty of Discords, yet I still recall my most meaningful online social interaction involved spending hours just chilling in a Vent server with my WoW guild.

I think this is an underappreciated feature of "grinding": it gives players a great excuse to put in time and build social bonds.

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