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Masters of Love: Lasting relationships come down to kindness, generosity (2014)

theatlantic.com

111–113 of 113 posts

Re: Masters of Love: Lasting relationships come down to kindness, generosity (2014)

#111
post #75
post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Not clinging on our opinions imply that said opinion is not much important to you. On the contrary, it's more important to be able to reconsider your strong opinions. > It is harder to move away from what you consider right in ethical sense Why marry if your ethics are different? > what is important for your self respect Unless it's an abusive relationship, I can't imagine a situation where the self respect can be…

> Usually it's just the ego whining about getting what it wants and disguising it as "self respect". Is this meant to be demostration or rational kind non-emotional solution to dis agreement? Because on the face of it, you simply tried to insult fictional partner. Sure, partner is less likely to argue if you label his demands this way. It won't actually solve the problem however and over time he will figure out what…

You can acknowledge the feelings of your partner and yourself without making those feelings the fuel of the argument. In my own experience, acknowledging my partner's feelings makes me immediately calmer, more-grounded, and better able to understand her POV. I imagine it works the same for most people.

If you're with someone you trust, you inherently respect his/her POV. For some, this causes disagreements to boil into violent outrages. They feel an attack on that trust. For others, they take a step back and say, 'This is someone I trust with my life. Either he/she or I am missing something somewhere.'

Re: Masters of Love: Lasting relationships come down to kindness, generosity (2014)

#112
post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you imply that the only way of having a meaningful life when your job is mediocre is by creating a family? What about other recreational activities or hobbies? Somewhat anecdotally, I recall a grade school teacher that was single in her 50s but remained active within a large volunteer community supporting youth. She often discussed how her participation in this circle gave her life purpose. Maybe the systemic issu…

Why is it so unpopular to say that life exists to prolong life? Ie have kids. I'm sorry, but me and you don't matter. And any believe that we do is to satisfy our egos only. Its our kids that matter. And with this mentality humanity will prevail. If we loose sight of this humanity will eventually not. In my opinion. And yes, our kids should have the same mentality. And that is called the folly of life.

>I'm sorry, but me and you don't matter. And any believe that we do is to satisfy our egos only.

True.

> Its our kids that matter.

If you and I don't matter, neither do the kids.

>And with this mentality humanity will prevail. If we loose sight of this humanity will eventually not.

This also doesn't matter.

Re: Masters of Love: Lasting relationships come down to kindness, generosity (2014)

#113
This article relies heavily on findings by the Gottman Institute however the Gottman Institute's findings are suspect because they built their prediction models after the results are known and they never verified that their models hold up w/ additional data.

In machine learning parlance, it's equivalent to deriving a formula using training data and not checking if the formula is accurate w/ a validation data. I doubt many (anyone?) here would trust an autonomous car built w/ only training data and never tested w/ validation data. Similarly, I don't believe/trust the Gottman's prediction rate (94%) for a second.

More info: http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2010/03/can_y... (2010)

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