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It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

bbc.co.uk

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Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#111

Post by emodendroket »

oarsinsync wrote: post #93
nicoburns wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have never had a formal diagnosis, but I have gradually come to conclusion that I have traits which are probably best understood as autistic. For me, it was freeing in that allowed me to understand why I was sometimes failing in some areas and that it wasn't just a personal failing on my part. It's also practically useful as reading descriptions of other autistic people's experiences allows me to predict when I mig…

This, a thousand times this. I've often struggled in social situations, I've had problems with friends, and I've had friends simply laugh at me "Oh my god, you're so strange some times" and just take the piss out of me and the things I do / I've done. Sometimes it hasn't mattered, other times it's really bugged me as I've not understood why I'm the one at fault / why I'm the weird one, and why it's not them that's we…

I also find it very helpful for intimate relationships. If strangers think I'm an oddball, well, no big deal, but sending wrong signals to my wife is a bigger issue that can be worked through with some mutual understanding.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#112

Post by goldenkey »

dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

I agree with you. For all these disorders that don't currently have genetic backing, ie. ADHD, Aspergers' and Autism -- the best way to deal with them is to understand ones' inhibitions and pecularities as merely on the wide and vast personality spectrum that the brain can inhabit. Even if a person acts in all the symptomatic ways that the DSM lists for Aspergers', we can't really say that they have it for sure - we have no genetic test - so we just have to say: "well people with those symptoms, we seem to think they all have the same disorder." But its a huge IF considering that the brain and body are affected by a massive myriad of genes. There's probably a slew of different genes that can cause social inhibition and the usual markers that go along with some of these symptomatically diagnosed disorders. Ultimately, people have tendencies based on their genetics. If the tendencies are severe, we tend to say they have one of these disorders. But there is a whole spectrum of tendencies...so sticking a label on severe cases doesn't really make tendencies a binary thing. Sorry, wasn't trying to lecture. Accept yourself for your tendencies, and try to figure out the ones' you can change if you really want to...like you said, disorder label or not, doesn't really make a difference to what is a fluid and massive spectrum.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism_rights_movement

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurodiversity

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#113

Post by TomK32 »

throwaway_ajhd4 wrote: post #107
dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

I agree with you. I think the diagnosis is a double edged sword. It gives people a crutch. Like you, I'm "on the spectrum" but I don't want to know what the technical diagnosis is. It would just let me use my "condition" as an excuse for things (or at least that's how I would use it, and how most other's I've had the occasion to observe do use it). I find this is the case with most mental health diagnoses. They can b…

A crutch is a tool to replace something you aren't able to use. Those who don't know they are on the spectrum don't even know that they even lost something. They get along crawling or hopping around. I'll take that crutch. And all this depression and "anti-social" behaviour, isn't that because of the crutch or lack of it? Being the one who's always trying to catch up will make you frustrated and angry: about yourself and the others.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#114

Post by mcguire »

quadrangle wrote: post #97
mcguire wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

" ...neurological diversity should be understood in terms of abnormality = deficiency... " Diversity becomes deficiency (or a diagnosable illness, or whatever) when it interferes with ones' path through life or enjoyment of life. In other words, when it becomes a problem. If everyone around you is happy behaving socially and you are not, you have a problem.

For sake of argument, if everyone around you is a sociopath and you are not and are feeling empathy and compassion, you'll have problems too, but it's not you who's deficient. Having a problem doesn't mean your condition need be considered pathological.

By "everyone around you", I meant the majority of everyone else in the world.

The majority is always sane.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#115

Post by anigbrowl »

dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important.

Because when it's accurate it offers a biological rather than moral causal explanation, and makes it easier to identify and apply workarounds.

It won't fix things overnight, but it will streamline your cognitive process and with practice you'll find it easier to adjust to other people.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#116

Post by TomK32 »

AnIdiotOnTheNet wrote: post #78
dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

In society we often interpret certain traits as moral failings, but if we put a label on it and make it a condition those traits become a result of bad luck instead of weak character. The label has a net-positive value in that it can allow others, and yourself, to forgive more easily. Now if we could just learn to forgive without the labels, that'd be really valuable.

Am I over-generalizing, or are "moral failings" something that autists really can develop?

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#117

Post by bookbinder »

dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

Well done.

I've often felt the same way about the need to label one's self in order to have an identity. But I can empathize with people who have some kind of undefined handicap/limitation and ultimately find solace in a label and sense of community.

For example, pretty much anyone over the age of 40 who has dyslexia will tell you how cathartic it was to be diagnosed when previously they were just regarded as stupid or lazy. A diagnosis meant that they had a medical condition that they could overcome (or at least manage). If they were simply stupid then it meant there was no hope for them. So their new, better, label mattered.

However, one could argue that pretty much anyone who suffers from any kind of limitation...is suffering from some kind of medical malady. Perhaps, in the future, people we will create new labels and therapies for many of the currently unlabelled, but afflicted, people as well.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#118

Post by TomK32 »

petercooper wrote: post #108
blauditore wrote: post #11

Since the causes of autism are not really understood, it's defined and diagnosed based on behavior, or symptoms, if you will. Thus, is there an actual qualitative difference between "shy, socially anxious/clumsy" and autistic, except for the extent of those properties?

Yes. I have recently been diagnosed and am not "shy" or "socially anxious" yet I tend to avoid social interactions because they don't tend to go well unless they have some sort of typical "script", or some sort of structure around them (e.g. an interview, MC-ing, a meeting). I could go into the differences in some depth but it may prove boring.

oh, peter cooper, haven't seen you since EuRuKo in Prague :) Do you still have those ruby shoes?

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#119

Post by TallGuyShort »

dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

I've wondered about this similarly with autism: people refer to their kids as being "on the autism spectrum". Isn't the point of modeling it as a spectrum that we're all SOMEWHERE on that spectrum, it's just that most of us are further in one direction. But there's no binary yes / no that guarantees certain approaches will work well for you. Some things work well for kids with serious cases of the associated disorders, but you might fight that the same approach works better for people who are struggling despite no autism diagnosis. I would think the real approach is to know many techniques and try varying them to see what works best for someone as an individual.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#120

Post by [deleted] »

futurix wrote: post #64
lisper wrote: post #2

Aspergers was not a thing when I was growing up in the 70s so I was never formally diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum, and the result was a pretty painful childhood. I managed to drag myself out of it and give myself an education in social skills, and nowadays you'd never guess that I'm Aspie (my wife still doesn't believe me, but I think she's an undiagnosed Aspie herself). Even to this day there are…

My social skills were dreadful until I had some psychotherapy in my teens, but even now they aren't that great. And same as with OP, a lot of things that 'normal' people like are foreign to me - clubbing, watching sports on TV. I'll also add to this list - alcohol, smoking, nearly all TV series / shows. But I never thought I'm 'on a spectrum'. Since heterosexuality is also completely foreign to me - I just assumed I'…

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