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Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

theguardian.com

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Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#111

Post by leetcrew »

tonyedgecombe wrote: post #101
Bartweiss wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's an experience I had in undergrad that's always stuck with me. The computer science department and the careers office jointly brought in some startup founders to talk about founding or joining startups and take questions; it was really quite a good idea. Someone asked about degrees and majors - do you need a Master's, which degrees are 'relevant', and so on. The first few founders hemmed and hawed, said "techn…

Yet we all know that virtually every programming job advertised requires a computer science degree, I'm not convinced it was good advice given the way most companies hire.

the founder was basically saying that, if he somehow knew before the fact that you were good, he would hire you. he certainly would not just hire an arbitrary college dropout. it's essentially a vacuous conditional that sidesteps the fact that a college degree is widely considered a signifier of some minimal level of skill and will of course be one of the primary ways that applicants are evaluated, unless they somehow have substantial work experience at the age of 20.

Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#112

Post by snarf21 »

blowski wrote: post #39

Personally, going to Church has helped me suffer less with loneliness. I've made meaningful friendships, and relationships with people from all sorts of backgrounds. It has given more meaning to my life than anything I found at work, or by random socialising. Of course, YMMV. Please take this as a random anecdote, not as evangelism.

One of the hardest first steps for a lot of people is to try.

Whether church or volunteering or finding a hobby, just pick 1 thing. Having something to look forward to and a group of people we have something in common with (even if it is new) is something all humans crave. Just try one, and try another until you find your thing.

Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#113

Post by mikeokner »

tonyedgecombe wrote: post #101
Bartweiss wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's an experience I had in undergrad that's always stuck with me. The computer science department and the careers office jointly brought in some startup founders to talk about founding or joining startups and take questions; it was really quite a good idea. Someone asked about degrees and majors - do you need a Master's, which degrees are 'relevant', and so on. The first few founders hemmed and hawed, said "techn…

Yet we all know that virtually every programming job advertised requires a computer science degree, I'm not convinced it was good advice given the way most companies hire.

Every single job I've take has advertised that a degree is required. After joining, I've always had at least one co-worker without a degree (usually in some sort of respected, senior role). A degree certainly makes things easier, but everything in business is negotiable.

Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#114

Post by WillReplyfFood »

madaxe_again wrote: post #35
grondilu wrote: post #4

Lately I've become more and more convinced that indeed, modern society sucks, or at the very least that I, and people like me, am not well equipped to flourish in it. I'm sure some people are though, but I suspect they are becoming the minority. Few days ago I also read Ted Kaczynski's essay[1], and it's hard for me not to acknowledge how right he is on many points. However, I do believe it is possible to survive all…

It’s also possible to live differently. I played the stoic for decades until the isolation of being a business owner living in a city pushed me over the brink. I’ve struggled with loneliness my entire life - and adult life has been worse than childhood. I started boarding school at six - and while I was homesick for some time, the camaraderie of other inmates, uh, students, was the only thing that kept me mildly sane…

Midas? The guy whos only remaining statue shows him plucking the nose?

Thanks for sharing

Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#115

Post by WillReplyfFood »

1_player wrote: post #71
madaxe_again wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s also possible to live differently. I played the stoic for decades until the isolation of being a business owner living in a city pushed me over the brink. I’ve struggled with loneliness my entire life - and adult life has been worse than childhood. I started boarding school at six - and while I was homesick for some time, the camaraderie of other inmates, uh, students, was the only thing that kept me mildly sane…

Thanks for this, the first half of the comment perfectly sums up my last few years. I've moved out of London to try and live a more comfortable and less hectic life in a smaller city, now I find I'm so alone I want to move back to the city just to be with my friends. I'd love to be in the middle of nowhere, or anywhere else in the world, but the "friends" problem is always so understated. I _need_ friends(hip), or I…

It feels like beeing a black hole, with a thin crust of human on top, sometimes it hurts so much, that you can allmost hear a sucking, swirling sound.

Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#116

Post by Bartweiss »

skrebbel wrote: post #5
grondilu wrote: post #4

Lately I've become more and more convinced that indeed, modern society sucks, or at the very least that I, and people like me, am not well equipped to flourish in it. I'm sure some people are though, but I suspect they are becoming the minority. Few days ago I also read Ted Kaczynski's essay[1], and it's hard for me not to acknowledge how right he is on many points. However, I do believe it is possible to survive all…

I had to google Ted Kaczinski (I'm not American), so I just want to mention here that Ted Kaczinski is a terrorist and mass murderer. No criticism on your post itself btw, I just felt it's relevant context.

In case you didn't run in to this - the violence was related to his views on modernity.

He seems to have walked the line between spree-killer style arbitrary violence and political terrorism. It's a strange situation; there was a clear political philosophy (anarcho-primitivism, roughly), but it's one too rare to have other violent supporters. What would we have called anarcho-communist violence if there had only been one person total who engaged in it?

It's a strange case all around, but definitely made stranger by his adopting a viewpoint that was obscure, but not unique.

Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#117

Post by ForRealsies »

50 wrote: post #105

I think I have suffered from loneliness before. A stomach-stabbing loneliness really. No friends to truly communicate, going on car drives with no destination/intention but to just think, walking in the evening hoping someone would strike a conversation, etc. Though I find my loneliness usually arises because I expect something different than what already is. Expecting something different than what is is a way to suf…

Have you thought about taking upon more responsibility? Be it to your community, to a volunteer organization, pets, and even plants. Modern society is malnourished when it comes to the sense of belonging.

“The higher degree of responsibility that you agree voluntarily to try to bear the richer your life will be.” -Jordan Peterson

Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#118

Post by konart »

mikeokner wrote: post #80

I think a large part of the problem is that the younger generations have grown up with pretty strong expectations placed upon them to do things like go to college (at whatever cost), land a white collar job, climb the ladder, etc. The obvious solution is to own your decisions and start doing what you think is right for you, but it's far easier said than done to step out from under the expectations you've been saddled…

>go to college

Lucky ones. Here in Russia you are expected to have university diploma by 21-22, otherwise you are close to being treated as subhuman, lol.

As a result - huge paint for many people, depreciation of higher education etc.

Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#119

Post by ThePadawan »

peterburkimsher wrote: post #2

"needing some comfort, had been showered instead with practical solutions to a practical problem, which had just upset her even more" When something bad happens to someone you care about, don't say "What happened?" That focuses on the problem. Maybe they don't want to talk about it. Ask "Are you OK?" You can always say this even if there's nothing wrong. If they say "Yes, why?", they're your friend. If they say "Fine…

Unfortunately, "I'm fine" is a strongly ingrained default reaction in some circles. I feel this largely depends on culture (e.g. the British 'stiff upper lip' ideal) and negative media influence (personally, I'm thinking of the misguided idea of 'real men don't cry').

How do we get through that barrier?

Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

#120

Post by propogandist »

goldfeld wrote: post #87
bbctol wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How are you defining "existentialism" here?

I'd think it's a variation of the "life is meaningless and we're all irrelevant specks of dust anyway" line of thinking.

embracing the irrelevance brings your soul into hell, in this life and the one after you become dust.
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