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My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

themission.co

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Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#111

Post by watwut »

sillysaurus3 wrote: post #4
tbirrell wrote: post #3

Problem number one, that girl in the opening picture has a ring on her left hand. Perhaps try again with single girls?

Is it unethical to go out with someone that wants out of their marriage? A divorce is costly, takes a lot of time, and the relationship is usually dead long before the papers are finalized. If there's trickery involved, then sure. But it's not quite so clear-cut. Where it gets murky is if you don't have a job, you're stuck -- it's very difficult to leave your marriage without at least attempting to find someone else…

Yes it is unethical, but she is unethical more.

Pragmatically, if she dates you while wearing that ring, chances are she will date another dude while wearing your ring.

If you need to stay on toxic relationship because of money, it is hard to leave, but not because you did not dated on the side. It is because you need to arrange living and job (or shelter). People in toxic relationships tend to be emotionally drained.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#112

Post by NikolaeVarius »

pm90 wrote: post #100
gorkonsine wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>online dating is one of the most nihilistic enterprises >approaching people you're attracted to (not on the street you pua twats) is one of the few "scary" things still available to us as denizens of modernity Online dating is good for people who simply have NO other avenue to meet people. If you're not supposed to try to pick up people on the street, then where would you apply this advice? Work? I don't know about…

> Online dating is good for people who simply have NO other avenue to meet people Like everything, in moderation it works great. I'm a male software engineer and can relate to your feelings of not being able to meet single women naturally. But relying exclusively on online dating is kinda... uncreative. You mentioned bars. But also: coffee shops. Art shows. Music festivals. When used in conjunction, Online dating is…

I've never really understood the entire Art Shows/Music Festival angle. I've been to a few and never really been in a situation to actually talk to people.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#113

Post by Kalium »

jeffwass wrote: post #52

>"I became an online dating magician who knew how to optimize a profile — A/B testing pictures and message. If I changed my profile picture and got more “likes” as a result, that meant it was better. I was tracking data, which made it easy to see what performed best. >This one worked, probably because it hides the bulging stomach and the balding head." No, your A/B test doesn't mean it's 'better', unless you're count…

> Or should you be yourself from the beginning, "happy to be a hippo" so to speak[1]. You'll probably get fewer first bites, but ones that get through have shown they don't care about your balding head and bulging stomach.

You're absolutely right! People should be filtering for quality over quantity! That said, is it possible you're running on the assumption that the people we're concerned with here can reasonably expect to believe they will find a result-set with such a strategy?

For a lot of people, the situation they're in is that they've been themselves for quite a long time now and are getting few-to-no bites. The suggestion that they should double down on this strategy is thus somewhat less than maximally appealing.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#114

Post by _m8fo »

watwut wrote: post #103
_m8fo wrote: post #36

From my friend group there are two types of individuals: 1. Individuals who date many people, breaking up if they find something non-optimal. These include minor things like, not cleaning up on occasion, or not liking something you do. 2. Someone who dates very few (1-3) individuals, sticking with them until a serious, fatal flaw appears, like being racist or physically harming others, etc. If you define a successful…

What about people who date few individuals (2-3), break up 1-2 times and their partners were neither closet racists nor violent nor anything that grave. That would describe majority of people I know.

well, the definition of a "fatal flaw" depends on the individual. even falling "out of love" with someone is obviously a fatal flaw which is probably the most common.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#115

Post by jeffwass »

pm90 wrote: post #93
jeffwass wrote: post #52

>"I became an online dating magician who knew how to optimize a profile — A/B testing pictures and message. If I changed my profile picture and got more “likes” as a result, that meant it was better. I was tracking data, which made it easy to see what performed best. >This one worked, probably because it hides the bulging stomach and the balding head." No, your A/B test doesn't mean it's 'better', unless you're count…

> If you're worried about potential dates being turned off by the bald head and bulging stomach, won't they be turned off when they meet you in person? Depends on what they are looking for, really. You would be surprised at how many PEOPLE, both men and women, are lonely and looking for companionship. And its very easy to swipe but meeting in person you tend to notice other attractive qualities. I agree it is mislead…

I know what your saying, but unless I misinterpreted, the author was lamenting how most of his 150 first dates were a waste of his time.

so that's where he has to decide.

150 dates with potentially little bite, or maybe 10 (or less?) dates where his worries are almost guaranteed not to be an issue. Of course zero first dates is not good either.

Given his interest in experimenting like this, I'd be curious to see if he did a follow up using the above strategy.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#116

Post by watwut »

The attempt seems to lack any attempt to recognise the one or reflect what it is that he looks for in a girl. Whether the first meeting is fun and engaging and whether you two can be together long term are very different things.

I also think that sending three messages in three days despite being ignored selects shared traits in the group. I mean, he said he is shy but acted super active sociable and needy online. So he might be selecting girls who look for needy dude or want dude who is highly sociable. Instead, shy introverted dude who need excell to figure out inappropriate thing to say appeared. That can't be match.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#117

Post by KGIII »

swiley wrote: post #39
_m8fo wrote: post #36

From my friend group there are two types of individuals: 1. Individuals who date many people, breaking up if they find something non-optimal. These include minor things like, not cleaning up on occasion, or not liking something you do. 2. Someone who dates very few (1-3) individuals, sticking with them until a serious, fatal flaw appears, like being racist or physically harming others, etc. If you define a successful…

Group 1 is mostly women and group 2 is mostly men. At least in my experience.

That doesn't mimic my own experiences. The wajority of women that I have known well enough to observe have been willing to put up with a lot of nonsense. The majority of men that I have had the chance to observe, have had more partners.

Hell, I'm a nice guy and I'm not even sure why the missus puts up with me. (I try to get her to use at least one obscenity a day. Old ladies who swear crack me up.)

I do wonder if this a generational thing? I'm kinda old.

Re: My Failed Attempt at Engineering Love

#119

Post by monksy »

wolco wrote: post #109
monksy wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Far better to focus on the 10 you really want do the research and put in the effort to really wow the interviewer. Sounds like you haven't been on online dating before.

I have and been successful but maybe things have changed in the last 10 years. You never meet someone right away, first you instant message on the platform. At some point you move into a chat program offsite and in a month you started talking on the phone. 6 months later you meet. Over that half year you develop a friendship when you meet you have tons to talk about. The buildup adds excitement and unless you look no…

Things have changed drastically since you've been on there. If you flounder for more than 2 days you're likely just to get dropped or they'll move on.

Usually I ask the woman out for drinks after 2-4 round trips on messages.

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