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By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

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Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#101

Post by theorique »

rada wrote: post #50
thirdtruck wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's a bit (I admit not entirely) like saying that "Maybe all those free-throws you practiced between games didn't score us any actual points." 100% of the women he didn't ask did not give him his number. The exercise served the purpose of pushing him past the fear that would have otherwise paralyzed him during a real request.

Except women are people, not inanimate objects to bounce balls off of. Those women did not choose to participate in SeanDav's practice, and it was not cost-free to them to be used and discarded that way. More to brazzy's point, SeanDav doesn't get to decide how he comes across to people. Pretty young women get hit on constantly and it is really exhausting and demoralizing to be rudely interrupted every five minutes w…

It's not rude to interact with a person in public. As long as he didn't harass, and he respected the women's choice if they didn't want to talk, there's no harm done.

Many friends of mine have met their significant others through spontaneous interactions like this. It's not as uncommon as you'd think.

Why couldn't he get phone numbers from unattractive girls, or boys?

Are you serious? This is rather insulting to so-called "unattractive" girls.

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#102

Post by rada »

300bps wrote: post #99
rada wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I appreciate that you are relaying your sisters' experiences and I want to respect that they may be different from mine. I hope you can equally respect that I am speaking from personal experience as well, as opposed to watching those "staged" (huh?) street harassment videos. It is not a hyperbole to me, my twenties were spent getting hit on every 5 minutes while in public. Granted this was in NYC where street harassm…

It is not a hyperbole to me, my twenties were spent getting hit on every 5 minutes while in public. So since it's not hyperbole, let's figure you were in public an hour a day in your twenties. That is 1 hour x 365 days x 10 years. So you were in public an estimated 3,650 hours during that decade. There are 12 five minute increments per hour, so that means you were hit on 43,800 times in your 20s. And that's only if y…

I don't understand. I am telling you what my actual experience was, and you are saying it must be a hyperbole because... you personally find it hard to believe? I've re-read your comment several times and all I can see is that you've added up the numbers and then just decided that they cannot possibly be true.

Your Helen of Troy put-down has nothing to do with my comment. If I were to say that I get hundreds of spam emails every day, it would be a statement of fact, not a claim that I am so rich that I make King Midas look destitute. You don't have to look like the most beautiful woman in history to get hit on, you just need to be conventionally attractive and physically present.

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#103

Post by shurcooL »

chillingeffect wrote: post #55
rada wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Except women are people, not inanimate objects to bounce balls off of. Those women did not choose to participate in SeanDav's practice, and it was not cost-free to them to be used and discarded that way. More to brazzy's point, SeanDav doesn't get to decide how he comes across to people. Pretty young women get hit on constantly and it is really exhausting and demoralizing to be rudely interrupted every five minutes w…

Ironically, it seems you're trying to sympathize with women by saying they're not inanimate objects to bounce balls off of, but you're still denying them autonomy. When women want attention, they dress attractively. When they don't want attention, they dress casually. It's just like birds. Ever wonder why they call it the birds and the bees? If you're a guy and you hit on women in sweatpants, you'll most likely fail,…

Very well said.

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#104

Post by rada »

theorique wrote: post #101
rada wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Except women are people, not inanimate objects to bounce balls off of. Those women did not choose to participate in SeanDav's practice, and it was not cost-free to them to be used and discarded that way. More to brazzy's point, SeanDav doesn't get to decide how he comes across to people. Pretty young women get hit on constantly and it is really exhausting and demoralizing to be rudely interrupted every five minutes w…

It's not rude to interact with a person in public. As long as he didn't harass, and he respected the women's choice if they didn't want to talk, there's no harm done. Many friends of mine have met their significant others through spontaneous interactions like this. It's not as uncommon as you'd think. Why couldn't he get phone numbers from unattractive girls, or boys? Are you serious? This is rather insulting to so-c…

Many friends of mine have met their significant others through spontaneous interactions like this.

And how is that relevant in a thread about someone who collects women's phone numbers and then does NOT actually call them?

This is rather insulting to so-called "unattractive" girls.

Yes. Which is why I pointed that out. Read the whole exchange please.

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#105

Post by elliejay »

benten10 wrote: post #74

I have a problem that's opposite of his: a fear of acceptance. Making a game out of the rejection game is all fun, except when you don't get rejections. Imagine the guy you ask for a ride across the town actually insists you take the ride with him. The girl (re: an earlier comment)who you ask for a number gives you her number, but also asks for yours, and actually calls you to make sure it's right. So here's my conun…

I think I may know where you are coming from. I, too, am afraid of acceptance, but it's partly because I think I know better than others that I am not truly worthy of their acceptance. I am dismayed when really good people want to reach out to me and be friends. I feel like I will be living a lie if I try to buoy their misconception of my value and I do not want to disappoint them. But the mere thought of trying to maintain that lie (that I am worthy of their friendship and affection) is just so exhausting for me to even imagine. Therefore, it is so much easier for me to avoid acceptance and just live my hermetic little life. Which ultimately, leads me back to a fear of rejection, I guess. Hmm.

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#106

Post by Houshalter »

wtbob wrote: post #58

It's possible (probable) that he had developed a fear of rejection due to his divorce, but the very fact that he had a divorce indicates that he had been able to date and marry in the first place (to a poor choice, no doubt). I'm sure that his approach was able to return him to where he was before, and perhaps improve him, but I wonder if it would be any good for someone with a deep-seated fear of rejection, or if it…

People with social anxiety disorder can have normal jobs and relationships. They just aren't good at meeting strangers.

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#107

Post by solarmist »

elliejay wrote: post #105
benten10 wrote: post #74

I have a problem that's opposite of his: a fear of acceptance. Making a game out of the rejection game is all fun, except when you don't get rejections. Imagine the guy you ask for a ride across the town actually insists you take the ride with him. The girl (re: an earlier comment)who you ask for a number gives you her number, but also asks for yours, and actually calls you to make sure it's right. So here's my conun…

I think I may know where you are coming from. I, too, am afraid of acceptance, but it's partly because I think I know better than others that I am not truly worthy of their acceptance. I am dismayed when really good people want to reach out to me and be friends. I feel like I will be living a lie if I try to buoy their misconception of my value and I do not want to disappoint them. But the mere thought of trying to m…

That sounds a bit like fear of rejection mixed with imposter syndrome (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome).

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#108

Post by benten10 »

elliejay wrote: post #105
benten10 wrote: post #74

I have a problem that's opposite of his: a fear of acceptance. Making a game out of the rejection game is all fun, except when you don't get rejections. Imagine the guy you ask for a ride across the town actually insists you take the ride with him. The girl (re: an earlier comment)who you ask for a number gives you her number, but also asks for yours, and actually calls you to make sure it's right. So here's my conun…

I think I may know where you are coming from. I, too, am afraid of acceptance, but it's partly because I think I know better than others that I am not truly worthy of their acceptance. I am dismayed when really good people want to reach out to me and be friends. I feel like I will be living a lie if I try to buoy their misconception of my value and I do not want to disappoint them. But the mere thought of trying to m…

Ehh, you have not hung out with other people enough then. ;) You may be a 'loser', so to say, but most people around you are even bigger 'losers'. When I came to the country I am now in, I saw an image of amazing glowing enlightened creatures in my peers and everyone around me. Four years in, and I realize they are more immature, socially awkward and stranger than I ever was, and most of them are also lot stupider. These days, I beat myself over not figuring that out earlier. Look around yourself closely, and you'll realize hey, you're actually pretty awesome! :)

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#109

Post by jonpress »

semperfaux wrote: post #24
jonpress wrote: post #19

I didn't have many friends in school. I never tried to fit in - I found other people in my class to be predictable and uninteresting and it took me too much energy to pretend that I was enjoying their company. I went through several years of school with no friends at all - At times, 'cool' kids would invite me to play sports with them after school but I never did. I spent all my lunch breaks alone programming games o…

I have no intention of questioning your choices, but I think you may be mistaking communing with others as some sort of easy way out. Personally, I find it pretty hard, so perhaps it'd be worth your time to try more real, deep interaction with people you don't know. It can be a serious challenge, and while having no fear of rejection is perhaps ideal, I don't think I would call intentional introversion the most diffi…

Most people are not deep - They don't really think - They just blindly try to adhere to various stereotypes.

Everyone does that to some extent (including me) but there are many levels. Some people don't think even at the most trivial levels...

For example, if someone identifies as a 'Geek' - They will often convince themselves that they like Star Wars, Legos, Sci-Fi, comic books, etc... But in reality, they really never actually gave these topics any thought based on their own individual merits.

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#110

Post by hessenwolf »

mod wrote: post #44
hessenwolf wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't worry, dude. Give it time. Coming out of any multi-year relationship is normally a shock to the system. The wonderful whiff of want is the fiercest anti-pheromone. Also, a good tip, put a rug on the floor.

This reads like greek to me, or like a Markov bot. I thought maybe it was a quote, but google has only indexed this page for "wonderful whiff of want." You coined a phrase, anyway!

There's naught to do but converse, in a wee village in the West of Ireland. Gotta put a bit of colour in.
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