Granted, I am the kind of girl who reads Hacker News, but, for what it's worth, it's often awkward for us, too. For men or women! Hug or handshake? Or wacky Euro kiss thing? I find myself hugging after first meet, unless we're at work or in a professional context, in which case I default to handshake. The awkwardness occurs at, for example, work parties, where the party leads me to default to hug, but then I second guess at the last moment, realizing I normally only interact with so-and-so professionally. In the end, I usually settle on, oh-well-he/she-will-adapt and hug. Act with confidence, and any potential awkwardness washes away...
Hug vs. Handshake
101–110 of 167 posts
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#102I pretty much only ever shake hands when first being introduced to someone, or when concluding some kind of business arrangement. I have no problem with hugging but I really don't care - I never instigate it with males or females but have no problem returning a hug if one is incoming. Who has the time to worry about stuff like this? I really don't get it, chances are the people you are imagining taking offense aren't…
Some people are insecure when they're not 100% sure of the rules for social interaction. They don't want to come off as an asshole who pays no mind to social niceties or as someone who has Aspbergers and doesn't recognize social cues.
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#103Granted, I am the kind of girl who reads Hacker News, but, for what it's worth, it's often awkward for us, too. For men or women! Hug or handshake? Or wacky Euro kiss thing? I find myself hugging after first meet, unless we're at work or in a professional context, in which case I default to handshake. The awkwardness occurs at, for example, work parties, where the party leads me to default to hug, but then I second g…
> Act with confidence, and any potential awkwardness washes away...
Please, no. Not everyone wants to hug you, not everyone wants to kiss you, not everyone wants to have sex with you. Default to no physical contact unless it is very clear that both parties are happy with that contact. Acting with confidence is simply pressuring the other party into agreeing.
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#104I'm more concerned about the strength of handshakes. I have a bias against anyone who actively squeezes my hand with anything beyond a simple, firm grasp. It comes across as macho, like you've got something to prove, and therefore untrustworthy. I'd like to point out here that I'm admitting a bias rather than expressing an opinion. EDIT: at least now I'm approaching something resembling adulthood I don't have the pro…
I actually don't know how hard I'm shaking hands. I never go in strong, and I've never felt like a big guy, but I always find it really difficult to tell if I'm applying more strength than I think I am. Any time someone tries to crush my hand I instantly feel apprehensive of them, as you describe. But perhaps some of them don't actually realise how hard they're squeezing.
I know exactly what you mean.
I bet you also feel awkward when you do try to apply enough strength, but the other person has a stronger than average handshake, which makes you wonder if your two hands would implode if you apply the same or more strength as the other person does.
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#105Would you hug Hilary Clinton if you’ve met her on two or three different occasions? Of course not. And it’s the same for the female CEO of a major bank. So then, why would you hug a female work associate that you’ve only met twice? Answer: you don’t hug Mrs. Clinton or the female CEO because you respect them too much. Now, notice that this is how men treat ALL males. http://danielmiessler.com/blog/on-hugs-vs-handshak…
Your feelings probably come from the idea that "Men don’t do this with other men". They do, just not in your social group or culture. It's not disrespectful; if you don't really know each other it's awkward at worst. Simple test: would you go get coffee with this person, with no business interests? Yes) Hug for men, hug+cheek-kiss for women, No) Hand-shake. Disclaimer: I'm from Brazil.
I think this is a big part of it. As a woman I prefer handshakes in most business situations, but I would be totally fine with a hug or hug+cheek-kiss in a more casual business environment if they were also hugging/cheek-kissing my male colleagues. If they hug/cheek-kiss everybody, they're just a huggy, kissy person and that's fine. If someone hugged/kissed me but shook hands with my male colleagues, to me that says they think their relationship with me is somehow different from their relationship with my male counterparts, and that would make me very nervous.
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#106must be a slow news day, this got picked up by beatabeat: http://betabeat.com/2013/05/to-hug-or-not-to-hug-hacker-news...
A news vehicle writing an article solely to poke fun at a niche online community. 21st century Journalism...
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#107Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#108It's a good question for old days Seinfeld!
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#109There's always my favorite: finding out if it's appropriate to hug someone you want to hug without it being awkward. My strategy: Approaching from a bit of a distance with arms down look happy and kind of throw your arms out - half "this could turn into a hug" half "I'm just excited to see you." If they reach out a hand, shake it. If they reciprocate, go in for the hug. If they don't, stay safe with the handshake. Th…
Hilariously well thought out, I'm going to try this.
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#110Earlier quoted context omitted.
This guy got fired for obvious sexism in the workspace, which was made visible by refusing to shake a woman’s hands on the ground that his religion forbids him to do so.
Wouldn't that be religious discrimination though?
Yes. But religious freedom is usually[0] limited to cases were it doesn’t interfere with the rights of others. The right to be protected from sexual discrimination in the workplace is usually a pretty strongly-enforced right, and this also wasn’t a private meeting but a public, work-related one.
[0] Depending on your jurisdiction, the phase of the moon and sufficiently many other things that this message box is too small to list them all.