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Becoming a dad changes men's brains

scientificamerican.com

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Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#101

Post by ignoramous »

sir0010010 wrote: post #98
throwaw12 wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I get almost physically ill when I hear about kids getting harmed. This is how Israel's war radicalized me, I stopped watching videos, but they made me depressed, burned out, angry, because everytime I watched videos, my brain started asking "what would I do if this happened to my kids, would I join Hamas? probably yes" I got burned out from these thoughts

So you think you would've hang glided into a music festival and shot at all the young people dancing? Or you would've done this: https://saturday-october-seven.com/ ?

> shot at all the young people dancing

Easy now; there's a distinct scale to these atrocities: Young lives cut short on an unimaginable scale: the 18,457 children on Gaza's list of war dead, https://www.theguardian.com/world/ng-interactive/2025/oct/08...

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#102

Post by ignoramous »

derwiki wrote: post #4

Do any of these studies account for new parent sleep deprivation?

> new parent sleep deprivation

Think the 9to5 culture make its even harder. It takes a village, probably 2 if you've got twins / triplets+. 9to5 is not something "long childhood" can be compatible with? https://onbeing.org/programs/alison-gopnik-the-evolutionary-...

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#103

Post by bombcar »

steve_adams_86 wrote: post #97
plumbees wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Before mine was born at the workplace they complained about how long paternity leave was and how unfair it was to those without kids. Now that I'm on the other side, anybody who thinks that is a jerk. Yes likely everyone deserves more time off, but don't you dare think that paternity leave is "time off".

I agree that it's crazy to act as though parental leave is anything like a vacation. I would prefer to sleep on my vacations. It's wildly unpopular among people who don't have kids, but I've come to think we should collectively want society to invest in kids, and that means parents as well. Raising kids is hard. It benefits society tremendously when it's done well. The best ways seem to be things kids get directly, s…

Quadragesimo anno [99] goes into detail on how "equal pay for equal work" has serious problems - nobody likes considering that and it sounds so unfair to our sensibilities - and then we build systems to disable that (child tax credit, healthcare, leave, etc), because it simply can't work.

[99] https://www.vatican.va/content/pius-xi/en/encyclicals/docume...

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#104

Post by solumunus »

fcatalan wrote: post #23

Exaggerating a bit, I felt like my old self was dead and I just happened to somehow have inherited his memories. But a more concrete thing: While before I might have been saddened about bad things happening to kids, like any normal person would, after having kids myself I experience an stronger reaction: I get almost physically ill when I hear about kids getting harmed.

I used to watch a lot of true crime and now if child abuse is involved I just cannot do it.

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#105

Post by cbeach »

throwaw12 wrote: post #52
fcatalan wrote: post #23

Exaggerating a bit, I felt like my old self was dead and I just happened to somehow have inherited his memories. But a more concrete thing: While before I might have been saddened about bad things happening to kids, like any normal person would, after having kids myself I experience an stronger reaction: I get almost physically ill when I hear about kids getting harmed.

> I get almost physically ill when I hear about kids getting harmed. This is how Israel's war radicalized me, I stopped watching videos, but they made me depressed, burned out, angry, because everytime I watched videos, my brain started asking "what would I do if this happened to my kids, would I join Hamas? probably yes" I got burned out from these thoughts

It was Hamas’s war - started by a terrorist organisation butchering, abducting and raping young unarmed citizens.

The scale of the aftermath is what happens when an advanced democracy faces an existential threat from a terrorist-led neighbouring region, and must act to neutralise that threat for the safety of its citizens.

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#106

Post by MomsAVoxell »

plumbees wrote: post #96
MomsAVoxell wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For me, my first born taught me that love is infinite, no matter how much I loved my wife, that little creature was getting all my love as well, somehow as if there were some parallel source of infinite love for the two of them. Our second born, taught me that exact same lesson, again - that no matter what, there will always be three human beings in my life for which my love is infinite, and that I would step in fron…

For me is the fact that before I was worry free, and now I'll be worried until the grave.

Or, you'll have someone who loves you and trusts you, and you trust them, holding your hand as you step into that grave.

I mean, one can hope.

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#107

Post by fatnoah »

fcatalan wrote: post #23

Exaggerating a bit, I felt like my old self was dead and I just happened to somehow have inherited his memories. But a more concrete thing: While before I might have been saddened about bad things happening to kids, like any normal person would, after having kids myself I experience an stronger reaction: I get almost physically ill when I hear about kids getting harmed.

> I get almost physically ill when I hear about kids getting harmed.

Same. I literally have trouble sleeping after hearing about things like this.

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#108

Post by fatnoah »

patates wrote: post #10

Becoming a dad made me a sensitive snowflake crybaby :) There were a lot of days on which I cried more than the baby. Diagnosed with anxiety disorder, but then they said it comes with ADHD and probably has little to do with the baby. > As many as one in 10 men will experience paternal postnatal depression or anxiety. The symptoms often look different in dads—anger or sudden outbursts Oh well.

I fully experienced postnatal depression, starting around 12-15 months, and it wasn't until relatively recently (my kid is now 18 years old) that I realized it.

We were living in a 1 bedroom in the city when we had our kid, and moved to a house in a suburb when the kid was 9 months old. My wife and I both worked, but I had a longer commute and a job that frequently required later evenings. Between the job and keeping up the house, I had a few minutes in the morning, random holidays, and part of one weekend day to really spend time. I spiraled into depression and insomnia, overwhelmed by all the work required to keep up the house while also feeling like a terrible father and husband. I was withdrawn, had angry outbursts, and my daily work routine involved sitting in my car in the train station parking lot having a good cry before heading home.

Before our kid started kindergarten, we decided to sell the house and rent a place in the city. Our apartment was about a 30 minute walk from my office with my kid's school as the 1/2 way point. I was actually able to walk my kid to school every day, coach sports that started at 5pm, and have both weekend days available to go on adventures around the city.

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#109

Post by cbeach »

ignoramous wrote: post #101
sir0010010 wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So you think you would've hang glided into a music festival and shot at all the young people dancing? Or you would've done this: https://saturday-october-seven.com/ ?

> shot at all the young people dancing Easy now; there's a distinct scale to these atrocities: Young lives cut short on an unimaginable scale: the 18,457 children on Gaza's list of war dead , https://www.theguardian.com/world/ng-interactive/2025/oct/08...

The Guardian either wilfully or ignorantly publishes stats from the Hamas-controlled Gaza Health Ministry. Anyone who repeats these stats is an accessory to the terrorist regime in charge of Gaza.

Re: Becoming a dad changes men's brains

#110

Post by port11 »

spiderfarmer wrote: post #99
port11 wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Students also tend to be younger. We could all survive on 4h as young adults, I imagine. Our kid sleeps like crap, some nights I don’t get any full cycles (~90 minutes in adults). I’ve no idea why we’re trying for a second, send help.

Your second kid only takes half the effort. Half it again for a third. New parents always try to be perfect. It takes a while for them to get pragmatic.

I hope so. People around us either share your opinion or say they compound on each other in terms of work.
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