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Why We Spiral

behavioralscientist.org

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Re: Why We Spiral

#101

Post by projektfu »

Aurornis wrote: post #55
Waterluvian wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think a big part of maturing professionally is how I’ve gotten a better handle on not trusting my gut. He’s here to take my job. The VP knows him and hired him directly. There’s so many signals each week that say I’m right. He’s trying to take credit for a decade of my hard work. He’s going to exploit me and everyone will believe him and not me. The more likely reality: he’s new here and I’ve been here for a decade…

> He’s here to take my job. The VP knows him and hired him directly. There’s so many signals each week that say I’m right. He’s trying to take credit for a decade of my hard work. He’s going to exploit me and everyone will believe him and not me. I think this is where it’s important to know yourself. If you’re having a constant stream of anxiety inducing thoughts and light paranoia, learning how to silence those and…

You can respond positively here and still hedge your bet. The attitude of "The Show Must Go On" is perfectly reasonable, but you can still circulate your resume and take steps to avoid burnout. You can even ask a potential opportunity if they will be interested if you do your best to save the other company and join later. But you need to be grounded in reality.

Re: Why We Spiral

#102

Post by Aurornis »

SamoyedFurFluff wrote: post #68
Aurornis wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> We don’t educate people in how to process their feelings in a healthy manner and to differentiate what they feel is happening and how they should behave. This results in anything like saying someone has “bad vibes” to be a reason to exclude them, to actively covering for someone with a known pattern of harming people simply because they are charming In recent years the workplaces I’ve been involved with have actual…

I actually never prescribed a specific solution on how to accomplish the education at all. This is kinda what I mean when I say folks don’t really process their feelings they act like what they feel is happening is true.

I know you didn’t prescribe anything, but I provided a real-world example from experience to demonstrate what happens in the real world.

Ideas always sound better in the abstract when you avoid talking about what happens when they’re implemented.

Re: Why We Spiral

#103

Post by Aurornis »

projektfu wrote: post #101
Aurornis wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> He’s here to take my job. The VP knows him and hired him directly. There’s so many signals each week that say I’m right. He’s trying to take credit for a decade of my hard work. He’s going to exploit me and everyone will believe him and not me. I think this is where it’s important to know yourself. If you’re having a constant stream of anxiety inducing thoughts and light paranoia, learning how to silence those and…

You can respond positively here and still hedge your bet. The attitude of "The Show Must Go On" is perfectly reasonable, but you can still circulate your resume and take steps to avoid burnout. You can even ask a potential opportunity if they will be interested if you do your best to save the other company and join later. But you need to be grounded in reality.

Exactly right, but denying that gut feeling and ignoring the signs is not the right choice.

Re: Why We Spiral

#104

Post by randallsquared »

> It sure can seem like magic that...

My first thought when seeing links to studies adjacent to pop psychology is "what are the chances this will replicate?". The replication crisis raised the skepticism bar considerably.

Re: Why We Spiral

#105

Post by pinkmuffinere »

daveguy wrote: post #12
airstrike wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

FYI HN does edit out the "Why", but OP can go in and modify the title after submitting.

Maybe HN needs an "if num_words > 3" before the "delete leading Why". Or maybe an "if char_count > CHAR_LIMIT" before the "delete leading Why". Or just don't. What a near guaranteed way to mangle the meaning of a title.

90% of the time it works and you don’t notice the system because you only see the good result. This is the rare event when it breaks and you do notice.

Re: Why We Spiral

#106

Post by jmkni »

Waterluvian wrote: post #38
SamoyedFurFluff wrote: post #19

As a person with long experiences in trauma responses, I see this sort of behavior pattern everywhere. There’s so much “trust your gut!!” advice when the gut can be deeply wrong especially when it comes to identifying interpersonal threats. We don’t educate people in how to process their feelings in a healthy manner and to differentiate what they feel is happening and how they should behave. This results in anything…

I think a big part of maturing professionally is how I’ve gotten a better handle on not trusting my gut. He’s here to take my job. The VP knows him and hired him directly. There’s so many signals each week that say I’m right. He’s trying to take credit for a decade of my hard work. He’s going to exploit me and everyone will believe him and not me. The more likely reality: he’s new here and I’ve been here for a decade…

My "gut" is regularly way off.

I've lost count of the amount of times I've been driving to work thinking "oh shit I suck at my job I'm defo getting fired" to then be told " You're doing a good job keep it up"

Other time I think I'm doing a good job when everyone is actually very pissed off at me

Re: Why We Spiral

#107

Post by immibis »

mierz00 wrote: post #49

One thing that has “cured” these thoughts for me is having a child. I don’t have time to ruminate like I did previously and I’ve also come to understand people better. It’s funny to see how often we all act like toddlers. It’s also made working in corporate easier, as it turns out telling a toddler no it’s surprisingly good practice for the real world.

Note: Having a child in order to cure your depression or anxiety is a terrible idea.

Re: Why We Spiral

#108

Post by majorchord »

immibis wrote: post #107
mierz00 wrote: post #49

One thing that has “cured” these thoughts for me is having a child. I don’t have time to ruminate like I did previously and I’ve also come to understand people better. It’s funny to see how often we all act like toddlers. It’s also made working in corporate easier, as it turns out telling a toddler no it’s surprisingly good practice for the real world.

Note: Having a child in order to cure your depression or anxiety is a terrible idea.

Do you have any children?

Re: Why We Spiral

#109

Post by keybored »

t43562 wrote: post #79
keybored wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> When you're not feeling good enough it's sometimes helpful to remember that even people who create negative impacts often get into positions of power and stay there for one reason or another. i.e if they can do something very badly then why are you so worried about whether you are worthy? How does this help? For all you know they’re a snarky something to people beneath them but not to the right people. Or they are…

If all you care about is success then it's not a help is it? If you have some standards though, then you can tell yourself that the price of standards is that you cannot rise in a corrupt hierarchy and you probably wouldn't enjoy it if you did. I think this is the kind of reason people emigrate from countries where they feel dominated by whatever group was in power to various newer countries where it is still possibl…

Okay that’s fine.

Re: Why We Spiral

#110

Post by fifticon »

arcfour wrote: post #32

The second half of the article was pretty underwhelming. It felt like "don't be a judgemental jerk and assume the worst in people"—unclear how that would help me "spiral upwards"?

I got the sense in the latter half, that he/it was trying to promote a work or book; I think there is a link to some follow up material or book he wants to you buy or access.
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