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How to stop feeling lost in tech: the wafflehouse method

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Re: How to stop feeling lost in tech: the wafflehouse method

#101

Post by butlike »

bruce511 wrote: post #54
DavidPiper wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your comment actually suggests that your instincts tell you those things are not as valuable, but you might just be following habit and dopamine loops at the current moment. Which I guess is to say that GP's "follow your instincts" can also be as difficult as "set goals and hit them", just in different ways.

I concur. The opposite of goal setting is not "doing nothing". And with respect, watching TV, playing games, etc is doing nothing. Rather you should be _doing_ something, something interesting to you. Create, not Consume. SO questions is a good start. Meaningful answers take time. You might set a goal of 10 questions a day. Some amount that represents meaningful time. From there, maybe you notice the kinds of questio…

> Rather you should be _doing_ something, something interesting to you. Create, not Consume.

Yes, I agree. And I'm going to add something so as to not be taken as a nitpick with the above, since I believe that to be right:

You can also consume activities that let you blossom. Softball, SkeeBall, pool, whatever... in addition to creating your own things.

Re: How to stop feeling lost in tech: the wafflehouse method

#102

Post by wat10000 »

alecco wrote: post #100
wat10000 wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The children tend to make it so that I don't.

They will grow. At one point in my life I was very busy with uni and full-time job. I listened to audiobooks, lessons, or just read my notes during commutes. And I was lucky to be allowed to study in my work breaks (away from the "watercooler gang"). I made time. I was very picky with who I spent time with and made sure the human interaction was high quality. Those were some of my most productive years for my side/fu…

This seems directly opposed to the statement that “All this middle age crisis stems from having fewer children and even fewer grandchildren.”

Re: How to stop feeling lost in tech: the wafflehouse method

#103

Post by butlike »

taway2039458768 wrote: post #67
jebarker wrote: post #25

This is the opposite of what helped me to stop feeling lost in life. I grew up very goal oriented and executed towards those goals with focus and determination. Around when I turned 40 I realized I wasn't all that happy and I'd spent my entire life so far living for rewards that would come in the future. The problem is that those rewards didn't give sustaining satisfaction. They pass remarkably quickly when you get t…

Thank you for sharing this . I am truly glad to hear that this works for you. This resonates a lot with me, and I hope to acquire the same wisdom. Similarly, as a goal-oriented person I used a variation of the "Waffle House" method, until I turned 40 not long ago. I still have tons of pages in my personal Wiki with life goals, 5-year goals, goals by year, objectives, GTD lists, etc. It served me well, and I am convin…

Going through the same thing. The body knows what it wants, but you can't always be an unthinking autonomaton grabbing stuff willy-nilly off the store shelf. So just feel it out when you need to just sit on the curb and do whatever, or put yourself in a sandbox and say: "I'm going to go... ___to the boardwalk___, then whatever happens, happens."

Re: How to stop feeling lost in tech: the wafflehouse method

#104

Post by butlike »

alecco wrote: post #79
jebarker wrote: post #25

This is the opposite of what helped me to stop feeling lost in life. I grew up very goal oriented and executed towards those goals with focus and determination. Around when I turned 40 I realized I wasn't all that happy and I'd spent my entire life so far living for rewards that would come in the future. The problem is that those rewards didn't give sustaining satisfaction. They pass remarkably quickly when you get t…

All this middle age crisis stems from having fewer children and even fewer grandchildren. How to find meaning as childless person: help your relatives (Gen Z and Alpha are in crisis right now), help your community, donate blood, help disabled people, volunteer as firefighter. But above all, focus on doing it to people who are themselves pro-social. Avoid sociopaths and alert people being abused. Just telling them som…

Yeah, but what about your needs?

Re: How to stop feeling lost in tech: the wafflehouse method

#105

Post by bithive123 »

taway2039458768 wrote: post #67
jebarker wrote: post #25

This is the opposite of what helped me to stop feeling lost in life. I grew up very goal oriented and executed towards those goals with focus and determination. Around when I turned 40 I realized I wasn't all that happy and I'd spent my entire life so far living for rewards that would come in the future. The problem is that those rewards didn't give sustaining satisfaction. They pass remarkably quickly when you get t…

Thank you for sharing this . I am truly glad to hear that this works for you. This resonates a lot with me, and I hope to acquire the same wisdom. Similarly, as a goal-oriented person I used a variation of the "Waffle House" method, until I turned 40 not long ago. I still have tons of pages in my personal Wiki with life goals, 5-year goals, goals by year, objectives, GTD lists, etc. It served me well, and I am convin…

I went through a very similar thing at around the same age, and one of the insights that really helped me was meditating on impermanence, and cultivating more mental proprioception (awareness of one's subtle thoughts, "mindfulness", whatever you want to call it.

Put simply, it's fine to have goals. But chasing achievement can be unfulfilling. Why? Because all experiences are fleeting. Even if you train for 5 years and win the gold medal, you get to stand on the podium for a few minutes and then life goes on.

It's easy to get people to agree with this intellectually, but you have to really see it on a deep level. There is nothing really to achieve in life. We make goals and cast them out ahead of ourselves in the future, but if that future comes, it doesn't last. We put ourselves on a treadmill of achievement and becoming, then wonder why we feel stressed.

Instead of imagining some future state of completion, work on being aware of how your mind is moving, all the time. Don't chase goals as a way of disproving some fundamental negative assumption about yourself. Don't make happiness contingent on external conditions.

Re: How to stop feeling lost in tech: the wafflehouse method

#106

Post by alecco »

wat10000 wrote: post #102
alecco wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They will grow. At one point in my life I was very busy with uni and full-time job. I listened to audiobooks, lessons, or just read my notes during commutes. And I was lucky to be allowed to study in my work breaks (away from the "watercooler gang"). I made time. I was very picky with who I spent time with and made sure the human interaction was high quality. Those were some of my most productive years for my side/fu…

This seems directly opposed to the statement that “All this middle age crisis stems from having fewer children and even fewer grandchildren.”

Being busy acts like a pacemaker. All people I know with big families don't have mid-life crisis. They do get overwhelmed at times. But most have some hobby or passion. Sports, cars, wood-making, or side projects. Kids make you realize time goes by. It's harder to accept life moving on if you are alone. And you are more likely to fall for negative habits. In general, of course there are outliers at both ends of the curve.

In old-style charities people with families are a majority. But the fashionable new and ephemeral NGOs are usually full of singles (mostly posing). Again, in general.

And I should listen to my own advise. You are right. I am just another guy and shouldn't give advice on life to complete strangers, on the internet. Good night.

Re: How to stop feeling lost in tech: the wafflehouse method

#107

Post by escapedmoose »

jebarker wrote: post #25

This is the opposite of what helped me to stop feeling lost in life. I grew up very goal oriented and executed towards those goals with focus and determination. Around when I turned 40 I realized I wasn't all that happy and I'd spent my entire life so far living for rewards that would come in the future. The problem is that those rewards didn't give sustaining satisfaction. They pass remarkably quickly when you get t…

I have the same experience. Until 30 I was one of those people who schedules every hour of their life, used habit trackers religiously, set SMART goals and recorded metrics of how I spent time. I got settled financially/professionally/personally and over the past few years have dropped the old productivity methods. This year I decided to drop the last of them entirely, with great results. Focusing on the moment at hand and following my instincts has made me a lot happier so far, and is still leading to great opportunities.

Maybe it works because we kept our heads down until we were settled, and loosened up after gaining enough experience to develop good instincts? Interesting to hear someone else has taken a similar path with similar results!

Re: How to stop feeling lost in tech: the wafflehouse method

#108

Post by jhanschoo »

alecco wrote: post #100
wat10000 wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The children tend to make it so that I don't.

They will grow. At one point in my life I was very busy with uni and full-time job. I listened to audiobooks, lessons, or just read my notes during commutes. And I was lucky to be allowed to study in my work breaks (away from the "watercooler gang"). I made time. I was very picky with who I spent time with and made sure the human interaction was high quality. Those were some of my most productive years for my side/fu…

> Life is not short. We waste most of it in meaningless time sinks. (BTW, thank you for making me remember this)

By any chance have you read https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/De_Brevitate_Vitae_(Seneca) ? The sentiment expressed here is almost exactly what is expressed here.

Re: How to stop feeling lost in tech: the wafflehouse method

#109

Post by nicbou »

Seeing my old home city stirs something in me! Oh how I miss it sometimes.

I am not sure I agree with this method, especially for younger people who have never experienced the things they want. When I was twenty, circa 2015, I would have seen myself working for Google.

What 30 year old me knows is that I am happier with tons of free time and agency, not tons of money and a big title.

People often like the general idea but are not ready for the process that leads there. They might not even like what the goal feels like! A lot of kids these days want to be an influencer, until they learn what it entails. A lot of people want FIRE, but are not ready to work 70 hour weeks in their prime years.

One thing that helped me not get lost is something Quebec did right with its education system: make people try different things, not just things that are immediately relevant to their career. CEGEP was a ton of fun. Take unusual lessons, try new hobbies, read outside of your habitual circles. It’s easier to plan your future without tunnel vision.

Re: How to stop feeling lost in tech: the wafflehouse method

#110

Post by uncircle »

butlike wrote: post #101
bruce511 wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I concur. The opposite of goal setting is not "doing nothing". And with respect, watching TV, playing games, etc is doing nothing. Rather you should be _doing_ something, something interesting to you. Create, not Consume. SO questions is a good start. Meaningful answers take time. You might set a goal of 10 questions a day. Some amount that represents meaningful time. From there, maybe you notice the kinds of questio…

> Rather you should be _doing_ something, something interesting to you. Create, not Consume. Yes, I agree. And I'm going to add something so as to not be taken as a nitpick with the above, since I believe that to be right: You can also consume activities that let you blossom. Softball, SkeeBall, pool, whatever... in addition to creating your own things.

That’s not what “consuming” means, unless you mean spending hours watching TikToks about your favourite sport.
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