Earlier quoted context omitted.
FWIW, ASN.1 BER supports an indefinite length encoding (though DER does not; ASN.1 JSON and ASN.1 XML do as well)
ASN suffers from some of the other problems regardless of the encoding. I was thinking about this more and I think FTP actually had a lot of the right ideas here. You want two channels. One for fast interactive command messaging and a second one coordinate especially just for bulk transfers arranged over the command channel. The design flaw in FTP of putting these on two separate ports put it immediately in conflict…
For a localhost/UNIX domain protocol, it might work since most of these considerations are significantly reduced.
As to DSCP, it might be useful across controlled networks but in general, in my experience it's not really ever honored broadly.
Back on the original topic, when I was building this for my Linux distribution I ended up just using basic JSON with TLS (for client certificate authentication) though since having authentication for remote management was a goal, and once I was already having to perform a TLS negotiation then the PDU consideration for performance wasn't something to really spend too much time on.